Yes; that's what friends are for
43% (33 votes)
No; it is his/her problem.
6% (5 votes)
I would drop hints, but not outright tell.
4% (3 votes)
I would tell the cheater that I knew and expected him/her to tell
34% (26 votes)
Other (Please Explain)
13% (10 votes)
Total votes: 77
Poll topic submitted by lgrf4evr.
Remember, if you have a poll question to pose to the ProgressiveU readership, you can send those to me directly or email them to ideas@progressiveu.org.
It is the cheaters responsiblity to tell his or hers partner.
A mix of the first and last. If they continue to cheat after I let them know that I know, then I tell their spouse.
I say if someone is cheating, they won't want to tell their spouse. I mean, what's cheating about anyway? If someone cheats, they obviously aren't being that truthful to the spouse. I say, tell the spouse. Though in certain situations, I could see giving the cheater a chance to redeem him/herself by telling the truth.
~ *~
This is a signature, an automated thingy that pops up when I comment, not a demand to see my blog!
Mind Control is Easier Than You Think
It’s important to carry a good understanding of the people you are dealing with!
To trigger a crime of passion can become hard to digest!
All depends....
http://www.wowzone.com/monkey.htm
Going straight to the spouse is likely to create negative feelings about you (this is one time where killing the messenger is common). Instead I would confront the cheater and let them know what I saw. There is a chance that it is a misunderstanding.
For example: if I saw the cheater at a restaurant or public place I would walk up and say hello. If the cheater-in-question introduces you to his/her guest then it is a misunderstanding (most likely). If they freak out or have a bad reaction then you should talk to them about telling their spouse or you, as a loyal friend, will have to step in. Common sense works well in this situation.
I do not think it is ever alright to not tell the spouse just because you think the cheater has stopped. The spouse needs to know, but the cheater needs to be the one to say it. If your watchful eye is on the situation it is more likely to come out in a healthy manner without your direct interference.
The Heathen's Guide to: Greed
[legalize marijuana, prositution, and repeal the drinking age. Live or let live. death to parents. college students and teenagers rules.]
I would tell my friend if the cheater continue to cheat. I would drop hints about the cheater crimes but I would warn that person if they do not stop, i would tell them i will tell.
I would, and I'd I do it right in front of the cheater.
That's prime-time television drama right there! :) I wonder how it would work out....I would assume quite well because not only has the cheater been caught...and now knows he/she's been caught, they'd have to react to this statement in front of the one they're cheating on.
~ *~
This is a signature, an automated thingy that pops up when I comment, not a demand to see my blog!
Mind Control is Easier Than You Think
It would depend on my relationship with the persons involved.
If my best friend was being cheated on, i would probably try to ask her about the relationship as often as possible, and look for cues that things weren't going well. i would then vailidate her doubts as much as possible.
If this were the case I would never let anyone know that I knew anything, I would simply try to help my friend to see the flaws in the relationship on her own.
I said yes, but don't know what I would really do if the situation arose. I would like to believe I would do the right thing and tell my friend, but if they are happy is it my place to ruin that.
Why would I get myself caught up in drama when I have no part in it? Yes he is my friend, but it is his problem that his girlfriend is unfaithful. I shouldn't have to deal with it.
"Remember, Tomorrow is promised to no one." Walter Payton
Since I couldn't vote for two, I figured I'd explain my stance.
I would go to the cheater first and tell them that I knew what was going on. I would explain that it is their responsibility to come clean, and that I would be willing to be there when the confrontation happens.
Because my friend was being cheated on, I would want to be there when the poop hits the fan. I'm not sure how my friend would view it (i knew about the cheating but didn't say anything), but it would probably save a few lives (at least, from the cheatee killing the cheater).
But I think this should only come into play with a husband/wife thing, not necessarily boyfriend/girlfriend. That doesn't have the commitment connotation that marriage provides.
Read and comment as you like....http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/starving-musician
I think after dwelling on this I put 'Other' because it is sort of a combination thing starting with counceling the cheater to recognize and fix relational or personal issues and or break up. I believe strongly that news, good or bad, should be hand delivered from the person (s) involved. I would never be the girl my BF's boy would cheat on her with so that means its up to him to tell or just break it off.
If he does not do the right thing, not that I should expect a cheater too, then I would ask the right questions until my friend realizes on her own. If this takes to long or she starts wanting to go more forward with the relationship (kids or marriage) then I would be straight about it.
Personally, I would like to know where people's integrity is that would even make them think that cheating is an acceptable behavior.
Love is like a box of chocolates; if you chose wisely you won’t be disappointed and have to spit it out. ~T
Another brilliant solution to get the word out: Ask the couple when you are all hanging out together how his "sister" is doing (or "brother" in some cases) and when they act surprised you can explain that you saw them together the other day and just assumed...oops, bad assumption.
At least if you need to be more direct in the situation because the cheater has no intent to come clean this is a good way to bring it up without seeming like a bitch. Rarely are friends mad because you saw something that confused you.
The Heathen's Guide to: Greed
Ah yes very brilliant. Although it could be construed as a lie...very good none the less.
Love is like a box of chocolates; if you chose wisely you won’t be disappointed and have to spit it out. ~T
That's another good one! Let's see the cheater weasel out of that one...
~ *~
This is a signature, an automated thingy that pops up when I comment, not a demand to see my blog!
Mind Control is Easier Than You Think
It depends on the friend. You cannot tell every friend that his or her spouse is cheating because either you can get accused or thought to be jealous by that friend that may not really want to know the truth.
Every person just does not want to know.
All of the following applies ONLY if you've confirmed that your friend's significant other is in fact cheating:
Never confront the spouse/significant other that is cheating.
A) they have already justified what they are doing in their head and will get defensive.
B) It really isn't going to cause them to stop. If you threaten to tell well then,
C) They can prepare defenses to discredit you in advance to their partner which is helped by that fact that
D) you confronting them will make them feel threatened which in turn breeds hostility
Rarely if ever, directly inform your friend that their significant other is cheating.
A) In most cases his or her loyalty is to the spouse. To basically make an accusation about this person to them, you put them on the spot of believing something horrible about someone they presumably care about or believing a friend is lying to them.
B) In many cases I feel that they will defend or try to explain away the behavior you saw or outright decide that you are lying or confused. Either way, it doesn't creat good blood between you and you run the risk of alienating your friend.
Dropping Hints:
This can cause problems as well, because then you are insinuating basically that their partner is not a good person or can't be trusted. Again the line about defending their partner applies. It must be done very delicately or not at all. I advocate not at all.
Not doing anything:
NO NO NO AND NO. That is definitely not being a good friend and irresponsible.
Best Case scenario?
Try to find a way to or orchestrate situations where your friend can either "catch" the spouse being inconsistant (to lay groundwork for suspicion--then maybe you can directly inform or hint about once their loyalty to their partner is confused) or find a way for her or him to see positive proof of their partner's actions
Well...that got longer than i thought. Lol.
No, things like that tend to unfold in the funniest way possible.
--Mike
tumwesigye "A friend in need is a friend indeed".
Keeping quite on such issue will automatically rule you of the meaning of a friend.
I also deeply believe, when it’s the girl cheating, defiantly go and whisper…expose her!
When it’s the boy cheating, nope, never tell anything! Deep inside we all know, women actually don’t deserve any better than to be cheated upon!
If females can’t sense it, well, that’s just bad luck, isn’t it? Why tell, breaking the fun and excitement around it?
Girls are like way easy, that’s why boys love to cheat upon them, it’s easy and fun!
It's not that bad! We all cheat anyway's...
http://www.wowzone.com/monkey.htm
Most of my friends that are in relationships are in relationships with my friends. If not, I've made an effort to befriend the other mate. The few situations I've been aware of where one strayed, it has twice been to yet another friend. It is a nasty situation and not a good place to be. It infuriates me that a friend would put me in that position. Either way, I have to betray one of my friends.
I leave it up to the cheater and make it very clear that I will not lie about anything. If I'm asked, I will tell, regardless of the consequences.
-Sonja :)
"Democracy works only when you vote. When you don't take the time to vote for the candidate you find the least offensive, you run the risk of electing the candidate you find the most offensive."
If someone is gong to cheat on someone else, that means that they have a mindset of being sneaky. So why would we go to the cheater directly and let them know that we know? Why not be sneaky with them and tell the one being cheated on??? That way they can see what it is like for themselves that being sneaky is a devilish sin that comes back to bite you twice as hard. Besides, if you tell the "cheatee" then that gives them time to investigate the situation themselves...leave the confronting to them, we've done our part just by showing them that the sneaky mindset can be used for good also. And anytime it is used for good, it wins.
I also deeply believe, when it’s the boy cheating, defiantly go and whisper…expose him!
When it’s the girl cheating, nope, never tell anything! Deep inside we all know, boy’s actually don’t deserve any better than to be cheated upon!
If males can’t sense it, well, that’s just bad luck, isn’t it? Why tell, breaking the fun and excitement around it?
Boys are like way easy, that’s why girls love to cheat upon them, it’s easy and fun!
It's not that bad! We all cheat any way’s...
http://www.wowzone.com/monkey.htm
I hope you stay single for your entire life.
--Mike
Cheating is bizarre, sooner or later it reflects back upon our conscious, like an inmate who because of his/her actions finds itself to suddenly have all of the time of the world to pounder why to be incarcerated!
Cheating only comes along with sorrow, regret and guilt when it’s finally understood hurt, guild and disbelief have struck upon another!
Cheating is like throwing a boomerang, it will affect the course of one’s consciousness, because it comes back at one, always!
Cheating is a human weakness caused by human’s greatest enemy!
Desire…
It carries one away in a moment of weakness, to become part or subject of the main cause of suffering in the world!
We all carry this weakness within, for some an obsession so confusing, making them to lose senses over right and wrong, pushing one to meet the enemy within!
Cheating is an indication one has for ever lost his innocence, to become vigilant will bring that understanding on how to deal with the enemy within.
Therefore it’s important to learn and understand about the inner enemy, so one can see and recognize in others what he/she dislike's to see coming it's way!
Those who forget about it, will be reminded one way or another, always!
http://www.wowzone.com/monkey.htm
There's no excuse for cheating. Taking responsibility for it is the only honest thing to do, not, "but I was weak/drunk.lonely/horny/etc and you weren't around." Of course, if you're cheating, you probably aren't that honest.
What is your definition of cheating? Is it making out with someone else? Sex? Hug? Meeting with someone that you hide from your significant other? Flirting?
I did enjoy the story. Thanks for the link.
-Sonja :)
"Democracy works only when you vote. When you don't take the time to vote for the candidate you find the least offensive, you run the risk of electing the candidate you find the most offensive."
I can answer some of those questions, but I’m not sure if you were addressing me!?
just let me know, I’ll try to bring in some spicy story about why cheating is popular amongst humans, lol
http://www.wowzone.com/monkey.htm
I know why people cheat. It's not difficult to figure out. I have plenty of spicy stories myself, via friends and friends of friends. It's mazing how loyal a person can be to a friend and how disloyal a person can be to a significant other.
I was actually asking a general question to anyone. I'm not even sure where the line is for me to define cheating. Maybe it's being secretive about anything that could be construed as crossing a line?
-Sonja :)
"Democracy works only when you vote. When you don't take the time to vote for the candidate you find the least offensive, you run the risk of electing the candidate you find the most offensive."
The line to define cheating is only possible upon a personal level. When willingness to engage into whatever act is manifesting itself inside ones thinking, he/she is already cheating.
Whether we jump between the sheets with another or only carry the thought inside our mind, we are in fact already cheating.
Any female/male bringing up imaginative thoughts of another during the act is cheating!
We all (mind)cheat on a daily basis, the real issues start when we come across someone who affects our emotional state!
This is one of the reasons some (not all) should think twice before engaging into marriage at a young age.
Since we live in times wherein controlling structures are losing their grip upon our identities, people are becoming more and more eager to explore what is making them “tick” inside!
The sad part about cheating for now, is the fact most people don’t know any better! Most, deeply regret and resent themselves having done so, right after!
Still, it happened! And some get ballistic over what happened...
Rapid social changes make such that many find themselves stuck inside an old structure which is in decline, it’s literally falling apart!
Humans are now in a stage in which they are growing out of their adolescence, new social behavior will eventually grow out of this in which all the human weak addictive clinging will no longer remain a reality as we know it today.
Some human aspect will grow and change into more acceptable and enjoyable forms, while jealousy will fade along with those who carry or walk around with frustration.
The funny thing, this change is already taking place now, but it’s not being acknowledge yet on a social level, since we still have that all controlling thumb upon us.
Since this change is too shameful a reality to bear for those who are pushing morals upon each and everyone, online dating services have become discrete meeting points for those who are pushing and growing out and away from under that thumb.
Cheating sucks, it’s immature and many other things all together, still it is still happening for a fine reason!
It allows us to grow out of this old social pattern and suppressing structure which lies at the root of the hurt cheating brings forward!
This is a big chunk, lol, I don’t mind questions to elaborate upon the above, please be specific!
http://www.wowzone.com/monkey.htm
Flirting, sex dreams, and fantasies are normal and healthy in any relationship. One must act to cheat. I think linking thoughts to actions makes it almost unimportant to physically cheat.
I would say that some cheaters feel a little regret only until they realize they got away with it. After that, it becomes almost a game and means nothing. Have you ever watched the show Cheaters?
Cheating is not even close to a new thing. Everyone still knew about it pretty often, but no one spoke of it. No one spoke of anything, rape, abuse, anything. The only thing that people thought about was what was going on under their own roof. In the seventies, swinging was well known, but it did not start then. Then society delve back into "tradition"- mind your own damn business. Now it's more known again and spoken about., probably a little thanks to Springer, Maury, and the like.
I think growing up in this world right now might be a little confusing, but there are couples out there that have no desire to stray. It's not out of some moral compass that was shoved in by society. It's just a feeling.
If one doesn't want to be monogamous, that person needs to make it clear. I do know of healthy open relationships. I think honesty and trust are stronger values to have in a relationship than monogamy.
I think the psychological aspects of cheating are based mainly on insecurity and jealousy. Immaturity definitely fits in there.
-Sonja :)
"Democracy works only when you vote. When you don't take the time to vote for the candidate you find the least offensive, you run the risk of electing the candidate you find the most offensive."
People who are jealous or individuals who carry a low self-esteem are always more likely to cheat than those who simply love themselves.
http://www.wowzone.com/monkey.htm
tumwesigye I would difinately tell the spouse because I equate cheating to roberly since from cheating one can acquire a dengerous disease like HIV/AIDS that can lead to death