March 30, 1997 11:03 pm
Where to begin? Kelly went back to her moron. So I have no respect for her and she deserves what she gets. “It’s for the kids.” Everyone seems to say that. “Bull Shit” is what I have to say.
Laurel and I are pretty much through. She stated she does not what to have sex until she is married and wants to start going back to church. I have no problem with that but that is not for me.
What I need to do is step back, examine my life and determine what is good and bad about it. I need to (remember what my thought was. I got interrupted because I am at work.)
It is weird but I keep running into a lot of old friends especially at a time in my life were I have lost a lot of them.
What I think my problem has been is I keep complaining about my problems. I still need to realize them so I can correct them. Instead of complaining, do something about them. It seems like I like I have not been motivated like I use to. When Jon and I where planning our business that was my motivation. Now there seems a lack of it. Yeah that is what I need to do, make a list of my goals and accomplish them as quickly as possible.
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One of the goal I have set is to get this retrospect done by the week or sooner. I can post the entries as needed but the comments will be finished. Another goal is to have my podcast started by the first of Aug.
It seems I have always started things and they never get finished. Relationships are the only things that do seem to have and end. So I start a new one and hope. There is still a small part of me that refuses to give up. It hurts like hell sometimes, but I am too stubborn to let out side forces win. That stubbornness is what gets me through when days are bad. A single spark is all that is need to start a raging fire. Quick someone find me some wood.
As I transcribe these entries, I wrote a lot of the same things. When everything you thought you knew gets turned around and you are left lonely, depressed, and generally messed up, you keep asking yourself the same things. If you ask often enough, you just might get an answer. Hell it may not be the right one. It is something to hold on to until the right answer comes along. I make no promises to how long it will take. Some people wait there whole life while others wait very little. The key is not to go completely insane during that time.
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