Dec 27, 1996 1:35 am
Well 1996 has been a very interesting year. I wanted to fall in love with one girl and ended up falling for another. Friendships I thought were strong, crumbled. I got deeper into debt buying a new car, and met one of the most wonderful people in my life. Val.
I know it will be sometime before I will be over her. These wounds will just have to heal on there own.
The other day Val sent me my plastic heart back. The heart was part of a puzzle that represented my life. The heart was in the center. I fist mad this reference when Mel and I had a falling out. I made a promise that I would not complete the puzzle until I found someone I could truly love. When I men Val I thought she was that person. I completed the puzzle and gave it to her. She started wearing the heart on a necklace. When we broke up she asked me if I wanted the heart back. I told her to keep it. With her still wearing it I knew she would think of me when she looked at it, and maybe someday we could pick up were we left off. Now that she sent it back I must realize that it is over, and I am back where I started. I don’t want much in the world just someone to lov
I cannot help being as complex as I am. I can’t help wanting more in life then what I have.
Often I wish I could be like everyone else. Happily working in a blue collar factory and marring an average wife and having 2.5 average kids. That is not who I am
And I have to be true to myself. Very few people have seen me as I truly am. Why can’t more?
A2 S8 L8
T
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It is weird how much faith and personal power we put into objects. Just ask anyone who wears a cross, pentacle, crystal, or what ever it might be. I should know I have try had the first three thing listed. Weather you call them talismans, amulet or many of the hundreds different names, when you get down to it they have no power at all. They are objects used to replace what is already in you.
I use to have a bad habit of over analyzing thing, usually what is being analyzed is my life, and depending on who you talk to, they will say that I still do. Now I think back at my life and wonder what the hell I was thinking. My life is not represented in a plastic square puzzle. My life is what I choose it to be. I may not know what all the choices will be, but I am confident that there will be signs along the way. Either they will be quietly appearing or making up side the head, what ever gets my attention. (Author’s note: This does not give my fiends to start smacking me in the head or any other part of my body.)
I don’t know why people think that they need object to represent a belief or idea. If I did maybe I will stop doing it. Take for example write a blog about a situation 10 years ago just to get some sense of understanding. To quote a famous commercial “ The world may never know.”
As a closing note the letters and numbers represent Hamlet Act 2, Scene 8, Line 8. If you want to know what it is you are going to have to look it up. Or I might tell you if you are really nice.
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