Something's been on my mind today. This something is a matter of the heart. It's part happiness and part confusion. It also has a little something to do with dependence and insecurities. And it may hide the key to making the world a better place. It involves someone I met online back in January, myself, and the miracle God has presented me with.
I had just clambered my way out of the dark abyss of self-loathing, but I had not yet made it to the freedom of complete self-acceptance. I was still picking my way up the steep and dangerous path of self-awareness, learning my shortcomings and strengths with each step along the way. There were more shortcomings than anything, and they were really slowing me down. In the darkness of my own soul, it is hard to overcome these obstacles, hard to get around them without misstepping and finding myself tumbling headlong back into that abyss.
When I met him, it was as if I was meeting another random person. We spent much time discussing his fanfiction, and I came to know that he was one of those naturally funny people who can make anyone smile. But God places everyone in our lives for a reason. And often, that reason is not apparent until after you've learned the lesson He wanted you to learn.
It was only after I found myself on the verge of a panic attack, watching my neighbor's barn burn to the ground and praying that the wind would not spread the fiery tongues of destruction that I realized he was not just one of the many fanfiction writers I hve befriended. Though he had only words typed upon a computer at his disposal, he was able to keep me calm throughout the ordeal. He distracted me from my terror of fire, and while talking to him, I felt safer. And I knew the fire would not spread.
My friend had unknowingly become a beacon unto my path, and was lighting my way so that I could overcome my internal obstacles without the fear of stumbling and falling back into the abyss.
We continued to talk, and I found myself happier and more confident than ever. The end of my journey toward self-acceptance was ever drawing nearer, and no longer was I afraid. Though I kept it to myself, he always seemed to know when I was down and needed a laugh, and was quickly delivering one. Whether he knew it or not, he had become my guardian angel, guiding me and looking out for me.
He challenged me to come out of my shell, and little by little, I have begun finding shreds of confidence along my path that I had never been able to see without his guiding light.
But I was not aware that I had so quickly become dependent upon him to be there for me. A separation lasting just under a week. That's all it would be. And the first two days found me groping about blindly, stumbling and sliding back the way I had come in my panic. I realized then how badly I needed him, and how hard it was to continue on without him there.
On the third day, I managed to regain my calm, and sat still for a while in the dark, just thinking. I thought about my confusion, my need for him to be there for me, and how lost I was without him. I thought about the things he had said to me, and how I knew he wanted me to be happy. I thought about how I usually push people away because I don't want them to see my struggles and worry themselves over me. And I thought about how I never did push him away. I thought about how I didn't want to have to push him away to keep him from worrying about me, and I thought about what he would want me to do.
He would want me to be strong and continue on in his absence. And so I did just that. I went slowly at first, adjusting to being on my own once again. It was hard at first, but his light had showed me a little of what lie ahead of me, and I knew what to expect. And with each obstacle I managed to get around, I did so with a smile, thinking about how, if he knew of my internal struggles, he would be proud of me, and know that I was capable of making it on my own.
I know that there are many others in the world who, like me, are struggling to find their way through the darkness of their own hearts so that they may finally be happy with themselves. It is a long and treacherous journey, but one that must be taken in order to truly achieve happiness.
But so many of these people have always been alone. They've never had anyone to shed a little light on their path and to guide them for a piece of time and help them find the confidence they need to go it on their own. They push their friends and family away, not wanting anyone to worry about them. And they slide further and further back toward that abyss.
All it takes to help someone in this situation is to reach out to them and talk to them, make them laugh, and cheer them up when they're down. You don't need to pry into their problems and try to solve them; that is something they need to do on their own. But sometimes, all it takes is a friendship that asks no questions and is given freely to make a world of difference.
Think how much better the world would be today if people weren't so caught up in themselves and could extend the hand of friendship to someone new. You may never truly know who is struggling and who is not. Indeed, it is hard to tell most of the time. But if everyone would make the effort to spread a little kindness--not too much, but just enough to make someone laugh or smile-- the result would be momentous. All of those little bits of kindness would add up. And each person touched by this kindness would in turn be motivated to extend the love to someone else.
If only everyone would put aside their own problems for a few moments a day to make sure someone else was happy, the movement would spread like wildfire. And perhaps, by showing just a little more kindness and a little less selfishness, the world would in turn become a more peaceful place, a place where everyone can live without constant fear, a place where we're not afraid to befriend someone else and we're not too self-centered to give up a little of our time to them, and in return, see true smiles and hear true laughter ring out and echo into the heavens.
We all need someone, sometimes, to show us the way to overcome our internal obstacles on our own. Sometimes, all we need is someone to give us the motivation to succeed. From there, the future looks brighter, and the world seems a better place.
We can all be someone's guardian angel. But are we making the effort to do so?
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