So I went to church Saturday night for the Easter Vigil with my folks. It started off really nice, the church had the lights off and we waited for the priest to bring on the “light of God” and pass it on to everyone.
As our candles were being lit, the priest said “Jesus beat death”. Which I thought was a very interesting way to put it; “It” being the resurrection. I mean Jesus knew he was coming back and there a number of prophets who wrote that this was going to happen. I would say he “overcame death” or “returned from death” something like. I would say Superman beat death. Yeah, Superman totally beat death. I think I’ll read Superman #500 some time tonight.
Anyway back to the ceremony. Somewhere around the sixth reading I decided to not listen and just let my brain go on a vacation. I thought about how St. Thomas Aquinas made a good point about the existence of God. Basically, God pushed the first domino in a massive serious of dominos and created everything. Visually that is a cool; an infinite amount of dominos and God with nothing better to do.
Then I began to think about what to do about my financial situation. How long do I wait for someone to call me back for a job? How much money to save? How much money will I make? What to spend it? And other things of the sort.
Around this time the Easter ceremony was finishing and the priest was starting his homily. Usually lasting about 10 minutes or so this night’s was around 30 minutes and it didn’t make a lick of sense. It sounded like Barack Obama was talking to me or if you are a liberal George W. Bush. After that we God screwed us over big time.
I think I should have learned by know not to fuck with a Superior Being; especially one that is invisible. But no! I’m a jackass and I doubted his might. So when it looks like we have about 30 minutes left, the priest announces that their going do some Baptisms! That’s right 10 grown ups are going to get Baptized; now.
Well, the first thing I thought of when I heard that people who previously had no faith whatsoever were joining our church was “Are these people crazy? Have they lost their minds?” I mean come, stop wasting my time and just ignore everything you know about heaven and hell. Don’t worry about hell just go back home forget it! Jesus Christ!
It wasn’t all bad. When the ceremony was going on I couldn’t help but to think of The Godfather. This made me laugh and I turned to my father who was already laughing at the same thought.
I think to myself “Moe Green’s getting bullet in his eye. AHHAHAHAH”
It would have been great if at the end the priest said “This is the business we’ve chosen”
And then things got worse...
After the10 Baptisms there were about 15 confirmations. My family made it about half-way through those before we made a run for it. It’s okay though, my mother gave the usher a check and he let us go.
Happy Easter!
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
