There is a terrible epidemic among teenagers in America. A recent story published in the “Salt Lake Tribune” called, Statistics Show That Abstinence-only not working, stated, “A new report shows that teen pregnancy nationwide rose for the first time in 15 years.” Teen parents are much less likely than their non-parental counterparts to graduate high school. That would partially help to explain the dropping graduation rates. These are two terrible problems that must be stopped. Children born of teen parents are more likely to live in poverty, not finish high school, and be involved in criminal activities. The “Daily Press” story called Study: Dropout crisis threatens safety, stated, “Increasing graduation rates by 10 percentage points would lower homicide and assault rates by 20 percent.” Therefore it is obvious that for the safety of the American people, someone must get these wild teenagers under control. They cannot continue this pattern of uninhibited breeding and violence.
Luckily for America, I have a solution that will solve both of these terrible problems in one shot. It is a very reasonable solution, and frankly it’s amazing that no one has proposed it prior to now. Schools should simply begin loading lunches with a strong combination of nicotine and contraceptives. Now before this genius proposal is tossed aside as silliness, it is important that all of the benefits be presented.
Schools have obviously become incapable of maintaining a level of teaching that interests students. If students won’t attend school for the good of their futures, schools must give them another reason to attend. If schools were to load lunches full of nicotine, they wouldn’t be able to get rid of students! Teens would stop smoking because they would have a source of even stronger nicotine. They would never miss a day of school if they weren’t really sick, because they wouldn’t want to miss out on lunch. Now of course students would be forced to show up on time and stay for all of their classes. If they showed up late, their nicotine for that day would be severely cut. If they left early, it would be the same policy applied to the next day. This would guarantee that students would actually show up and go to class. Graduation rates would soar immediately. Not only that, but if teens are in school, they cannot be getting into trouble on the streets. Teen violence would drop dramatically and far fewer teens would join gangs. People not involved in violence as teenagers are far less likely to become violent adults. This means that this plan would also cut down on the number of violent adults. The higher the level of education a person receives, the less likely they are to live in poverty. Poverty breeds poverty, so it would only be a matter of time before society as a whole was making drastic improvements.
Speaking of breeding, it is one of the things that teens are known for doing on a frequent basis. Until the government’s new plan of teaching abstinence-only begins working, this plan will be effective. The addictive cafeteria food would not only serve the purpose of keeping teens in school, but also keeping them infertile. The idea of expecting teens not to have sex is a bit ridiculous in today’s world. Teenagers will reproduce like rabbits no matter what they’re being taught. The action cannot and will not be controlled, so we must control the results. The only reasonable solution is to make teenagers temporarily infertile. Teen pregnancy is a bad deal all the way around. Many teenage girls decide to have abortions. Teen parents are less likely to finish high school, more likely to work low income jobs, more likely to abuse their children, and more likely to have children with birth defects. Children will benefit from not being the product of teen parents. They will start off with a better chance in life. A child that is better off is a future that is better off. Plus there is no need to worry about the health of the teenagers. Just as with many hormonal contraceptives today, the teens would be infertile for about 6 months after they quit using them, but would then return to fertile procreators. At that point, they would of course be free to multiply at their own desire, but at least they’ll have a diploma when they become proud parents.
This idea is nothing more than a humble suggestion. I humbly suggest that it is the best idea out there. Loading lunches with nicotine and contraceptives would solve a world of problems. The nicotine would increase graduation rates and school attendance, decrease teen violence and eventually adult violence, cut down on teen smoking, cut down on poverty levels, and improve the chances of future generations to escape poverty. The contraceptives would take on a whole different aspect of the problem. It would prevent teens from becoming parents so that they could finish high school and get better jobs. It would cut down on the number of abortions. It would improve the lives of children by making them less likely to be abused, live in poverty, or to have birth defects. The fewer people this country has living in poverty, the better the economy. The less violence we have, the higher the life expectancy, and the lower the insurance cost will go. This is a winning situation for all parties involved, and it’s a reasonable solution for an American epidemic.
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