Sometimes I feel that I am more mature for my age than most would expect. But I really feel old when I look around, especially at underclassmen at my school, and notice how petty and small their little problems seem to me, but how much they seem to care. So I'll say it now: I don't care what you think of me.
I decided in Freshman year that I didn't care anymore. I don't care if you like me, I don't care if my clothes are at the height of style, and I don't care if my beliefs are not what society wants them to be. I don't care if your parents say I'm a bad influence, I don't care if my music is too loud, and I especially don't care if you think you're better. I am me.
In 9th grade, my mom had a surgery on her brain tumor that could have killed her (See blog on that for more). I realized then that it was so pointless to care about what people say or think, if there are bigger problems in my life. I don't want to be a carbon copy anyway. I hear all these stories about people cutting or killing themselves (or others) because they are so scarred from people teasing them or talking about them. While I sympathize, I think it's a damn poor excuse to end your life, barring people that have mental disorders and that's how they dealt.
My mom gave me, not long before that fateful surgery, a piece of advice that I'll never forget. She said, "Tori, there is no boy on Earth worth killing yourself over." While it seems simple, it really hits home. There were times after an ended relationship that year where I felt hopeless and like a piece of crap because my ex spread rumors about me to practically the entire school. Then she told me that little wisdom and I realized how stupid I had been to even listen. It was then that I made the decision to let go and stop listening. I have felt so much more free since then than I have ever felt. Of course, there are moments where I make the mistake of letting someone get to me, and then I realize that they are the ones being immature and trying to get a rise out of me, and I let it go.
I am liberated. I am me. Screw everything else.
=)
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