March 24, 2006
The guilt of the world: I am sitting in a coffeehouse enjoying great music from Jennifer Lucrezio [a girl I went to college with, now an aspiring musician, with a band], and all of the sudden I think, I remember that while she is singing, there are children dying every 3 seconds from poverty alone. I can't even enjoy beautiful things because I keep thinking about the weight of the world, things I can't even control - but I'm not doing anything at all. 'Think about what you can do here, Karis.' This is what I tell myself.
April 8, 2006
Thursday - what a day. Well, truthfully, it was actually a pretty good day. I didn't have to work. Yay! And I had a soccer game, that was fun. We lost - oh well. And I sprained my ankle. But it's a low grade sprain. 1 or 2. My foot is swollen and a bit sensitive. Anyway, afterwards I went to KLP's [a professor whom I respect, admire, and am glad to call friend] and it ended up just being the 2 of us, 2 1/2 hours of conversation. And not just about real world issues, you know. Very real, every day conversation, like which cheese we like best and... ha just laughing. And we were sitting and talking and laughing and there were 2 times, no 3, that I remember her most. One - she, wait, we were snacking on cheese anc crackeres and apples and for some reason I had just fallen back, well, leaned back all the way on to the pillows while I was talking. And like a relief, like instinct, she did the same thing. So for a brief moment, because she sat up so she could see me while she was talking, we were both just laying there on the couch in pure relaxation. And I was happy. [Journal entry continues.]
April 10, 2006
[Spring break, road trip to Kissimee, FL]
It's Monday. After yesterday. We rented a movie - the guy who works there is about 50s, I'm guessing, and British. What would bring a man to Florida from England to work in a video store? He's not married... What's his story?
October 8, 2006
Last night I had a dream that I had another brother and sister besides Karl that I didn't know about - all older. The sister I had memories about, but not the brother. All memories were little, and all were of me as a child. It was just my dad and I, and the 2 others were coming over for holiday. I never met them in my dream - but I looked forward to it.
December __, 2006
hey, you wanna know what's weird? I kind of miss Jackie. It's funny - you spend 6 weeks with someone that close, and whether you like them or not, you love them, because they're close. But I guess you don't always know it until they're gone. So I complained a lot about her, and I don't necessarily want to work with her, or definitely not under her anyway, but it is good to see her. And I get the feeling that she feels the same way, even though she didn't like me. Whatever. I'm in Idnianapolis now... I won't be back in New York for 2 weeks... I will probably never see her again... I guess I'll get over it, like I get over everyone else that comes and goes... blah. I hate that coming and going thing.
April 20, 2007
So I'm feeling.
There are so many things to not like about Houghton - the obnoxious popular kids that think they are cool (I am so much cooler than them), the isolation (which in fact doesn't bother me so much), the... well, I can't think of anything else right now. I came to visit this weekend (April 19-21), except not on Sunday, my birthday. :) I got to see both the Woolseys, who somehow get to mean more and more to me the more that I know them. We were departing, which is depressing anyway, and I wish that I could not be so into myself, as in obsessed with me. I love and hate to hear about me - as in I love it, but I hate that I love it, so I try to avoid it except on special occasions, but when it happens I enjoy it, and enjoy trying to avoid it. Is this normal? Does everyone have ethis bizarre self love? Is it true that narcissism is heavy in generation, and that sooner or later I will become an unhealthy addiction, like cocaine? Anyway, leaving the Woolseys almost made me cry. Tomorrow I am having lunch with the LaCelle-Petersons. it is the best and worst feeling - this whole closeness to other people experience.
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