I haven’t shaved my head... But I am having a bit of a breakdown. I've been working 30 hours a week and I'm taking 14 units, so I have been extremely busy. The only friends I have time to see are the ones at work, and I've skipped at least one meal a day the last two weeks. Sometimes it feels like it's worth it, but most of the time I don't. But I am also in constant pain (whether it's my back, which has been hurt for quite some time, or a sprained wrist, or stomach cramps from eating dairy) and almost always on the brink of tears. I can't wait until I can cut down on my hours at work and I can't wait until the school year is over! But not only am I extrememly busy, I don't feel like I fit in. I always thought that Southern California was the place for me, but I'm already counting down until I can move away from here, and I've lived here for less than a year. It's not that I don't enjoy living here. I like school. I love my friends, and I especially love living only 2.5 miles from Disneyland. But it doesn't feel right to me. It's hard to explain, because I've never lived anywhere that felt *right*, but this place takes the cake. Thinking back, the only place where I felt like I belonged was Italy. I guess that's why I'm going to Australia and Thailand this summer. Maybe I'll fit in there? And maybe that's why I want to be an anthropologist. They get to travel the globe and live out of a suitcase. Maybe I'm meant for a more exciting life, one that involves planes, trains and automobiles. Maybe I'll only be happy when I can't call just one city my home, but call the whole world my home. ................................................................................................................................................................. It feels like I’m stuck in a dark hole...I’m looking up at a tiny patch of light, which is normal life. The sides of the hole are smooth, and there is no way for me to climb out. I don’t know what to do. I can’t sleep, I’m not hungry, and I can’t stop crying. I don’t find enjoyment in what I used to do. I’m bored with school, I hate my job, I miss my family. All I want is to give my mom a hug, but I can’t. I need help, but I don’t know who to go to. I can't really talk to my friends, because none of them can empathize with what I'm going through, and I can't talk to my family, because they will worry too much. I've tried talking to a therapist, but they can only help so much. I need to find someone who knows what I'm experiencing and who knows how to help me.