Now it come down to this, Act II. All my readers have patiently waited for the drama that is my life. Here is the reason I decided to do this little project. The curtain will be open and the man I was to become can be seen hiding in the background.
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Oct 11, 1196 11:05 pm
Last weekend is on I do not want to live again. I started out just fine. I got off work Thursday, and went drove down to see Val. Drive down, no problems, Friday is when it to hell. On the was back up to IL my car committed suicide. Val and I got into a small argument (our fist) and after spending $125 to tow my car up here, Val breaks up me. When it rains it pours!
Val gave me various reasons for why see wanted to split. The two bid ones where the distance and her fear of the future. I just wanted to know if I caused it or what? All I can say is I cannot stop thinking about her and it hurts like a bitch. I did fall in love with her. I just wish things were different. My car just turned into a peace of shit.
What really sucks is I keep getting to a point were my life is starting to go as I want it and then something happens. How much shit do I have to go through before I get success. I really don't want much out of life. Just someone to love and the money to pay my bills off. It is not like I am being lazy. I work two jobs and still it is not enough money to move out on my own.
I hate living with my parents most of my friends that I have graduated are married, have good jobs. And are on there own. Now why do I have to do through all this shit before I get my rewards in life. I am not a bad person so why do I have to suffer like this? All I know is I have had enough, Bad relationships, Lousy cars, mile high bills. I have had enough. From now on my motto is NO MORE.
No More,
T
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The motto has sense became Not Again. What I did not mention in this entry is that, come Monday I found out that 2 if my friends (Carrie, Jon, and Linda) all have stabbed me in the back. The accused me of saying things to Linda's brother that I agreed to keep quiet about, and it would have caused problems in her family. They did not want to get my side of the story, and if I really wanted to start problems I would have gone to Linda's ex husband who I am better friend with. I did not even know her brother.
So I know have a broken heart, broken car and broken friendships, and I wonder why I went into a depression.
No one should ever have to go through what I did. There love of my life was gone and I had no one to talk to about it. My best friend Bill was out of state and it would be some time before I see him. Sense this the fist time I expressed anything like this, I had now way to handle it. I felt like a zombie, just going through the motions with a hole in my heart and soul.
Looking back on it now I am amazed that I did not completely give up. Why did I not? There is a small part of me that is just to stubborn to get to that to point. So I was forced to deal with the sadness, and empty feeling I had in my gut..
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