Today in the dentists' office I heard Christina Aguilera's song "Beautiful." I let my mind wander about my mental happy place, far away from the burring of the drill, the stinging tang of smoke drifting from my mouth, the white-hot "CRACK" as my tooth parted company from my gums. Lectures that never seem to end and dental visits have taught me a mental happy place is a very good thing. Today the thoughts floating around in my happy place weren't too happy.
I thought about Western culture's definition of beauty. It's actually quite narrow but has far-reaching implications. It impacts everyone no matter what their gender, age, country of residence, ethnicity or income is. If you don't fit those narrow parameters it means more than you can't be a model.
Popular media assaults us with images & conflicting messages...anything to make a buck. They have and continue to define for us what beautiful is. Beautiful people have it all -- happiness, sex, love, money, wealth, success, power. In addition, media defines what each of these are or should be. Sex is only between 20-40 year old, white, heterosexual, upper-middle class people who are in excellent shape with great teeth. Beauty is only those between 20-40 years old, white, heterosexual, upper-middle class people who are in excellent shape with flawless skin & great teeth. Success is money, power, fame. Happiness is materialistic gain. If you don't fit these...well, at least your money is still good with us! our products will get you as close as you can. This message appears to be universal; Thailand, Taiwan, Japan, Germany, London, Italy, Spain, Mexico...the images of all that is beautiful, successful, happy, loving are the same. They are of "The Beautiful People": white, 20-40 years old, great skin & teeth, perky breasts, hair on the head not on the back, with lots of disposable income.
The problem is, these images represent a very small, transient minority. The majority spends it's time & effort to become something we're not & chasing those things that media promises to those who are The Beautiful People. Everyone wants to be loved & happy. It's time we quit letting media define what we should be. I don't want media telling me what is beautiful anymore.
It's funny. When I see the so-called Beautiful People in real life, they never seem happy. The one word I'd use to describe their lives is "drama." They bounce from relationship to relationship. They're so worried about what they eat that they never actually taste or even enjoy it. No matter how many things they have, they are never satisfied until they have more; enough is not in their vocabulary. They spend the most time, effort & money chasing beauty but never actually see it in themselves. These are the people with eating disorders, addictions, histories of bad relationships, ulcers, working so many hours they miss their kids growing up. This is happy?! It's funny how The Beautiful People always seem to have the ugliest lives or personalities.
For me, beautiful means something more. It's not just how someone looks but who they are. Beautiful can be found at any age, in any color skin no matter how many wrinkles, zits, freckles, or pounds. Beautiful is any love -- be it heterosexual or homosexual. Beauty can be found in grandmothers, babies, transsexuals, custodians, teachers, homeless. Likewise success isn't monetary or materialistic, but a state of mind...the ability to love oneself & others.
Once I returned from my not-so-happy thoughts while visiting my happy place, I found drying tears on my cheeks. It wasn't solely from the pain of the tooth extraction (tho that had been incredible in nature). It was from the realization of how many people in this world who want to be beautiful but don't realize they already are.
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