I am going to be 18 in a couple of months and I am still a virgin. Most of my friends have not had sex. The ones who did it have had problems with every relationship whenever sex is involved. The ones who have not have had better luck with their relationships. One of my closes friends had sex when she was a freshman in high school and has had sex with most of her boyfriends since then. lets just say she has a lot of issues.
I am not waiting for religious purposes since I am an Athiest. I am not even sure if I am going to wait until I am married. Though sometimes I feel like thats the best answer. Every person I have known who has had sex has had their relationships fail and I think having sex has something to do with it. It just makes things so complicated. But at the same time how am I supposed to know being a virgin and all. It is just so frustraiting.
It seems like less and less people are waiting until they are married to have sex because it seems almost pointless, but at the same time is it pointless to wait?
Pros to waiting
- I will not get pregnaut
- I will not get an STD
- I wont have complications that go along with having sex
- Will not be called a slut
- More respected..sometimes (some dont care)
Cons to waiting
- Will not be experienced
- I cant think of any more im sure there are more
I am just not sure if I even want to have sex before im married but I am not fully opposed to the idea I mean if I am with someone for a long time it might happen. I just wish I knew if it is worth it. I dont want to have sex with just anyone and I dont want to end up like a lot of my friends who have been screwed over in relationships after they had sex.
sorry if this is a confusing blog it feels like my brain
This is definitely a strange place to talk about personal things that I won't even talk about in front of my friends, but nevertheless I'll be honest with you.
I have had sex with my girlfriend, and her and I lost our virginity together. However, we had been going out for roughly over a year and a half before we finally did, and had known each other for about 4 years before we did. So, we were and are very close.
I believe that the issue should not be about sex. Sex is an act between two people to reproduce, but to think of it in more of a romanticist way: they do it when they love each other. My girlfriend and I slowly moved into having sex, but it was never a big issue for us... it just seemed natural to take our love to the next level in more of a physical way.
Whenever I think about the romanticist purposes of sex I think about an episode of "Quantum Leap" which was a really goofy sci-fi show from the late 80's... anyway, this kid gets tricked and the main character (who is in the body of the kid's mother) tells him that sex is what two people do when they love each other. Simple as that.
So, maybe you'll wait until marriage, and maybe you won't, but I believe you should wait until you know you love someone before you go out and possibly make a mistake. Plus, even if you're not a couple after a few years with the person that you loved at the time and lost your virginity to, at least it makes it a much more meaningful experience.
So, I guess in my history, I am the opposite of your friends who have had sex because I waited until I knew it was right with the person I loved.
Elliott
I think marriage is something that should wait at least until someone is in their late twenties, if not later, because people change and mature so much up until that time. Personally, that seems like a mighty long time for abstinence. Like MM said, just be in a secure relationship. Well, actually, only be in a secure relationship if that's what you want. I think that if both parties want sex without a relationship, there's nothing wrong with that.
I think it's a personal thing. Some people can handle sex earlier than others. I'm glad you've realized that you are not ready yet. Generally, if you're not sure, then you're not ready. I also like the fact that you use logic to determine which choices you should make in life instead of religion.
Cheers
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I'm 17, and I lost my virginity to my boyfriend five and a half months into our relationship, and he his to me. We were friends for two years before that (and basically best friends from the beginning), and had been through quite a lot in the short amount of time we'd known each other.
On the same page, I was in a relationship with a guy for 16 months, and refused to sleep with him, because he pushed too much. He ultimately broke up with me because of it. Do I think that affected my decision to have sex so early in the relationship? Yes, a little. I know that I probably would have waited longer. Do I regret my choice? No. He's one of my best friends, and has been since I've known him. I felt comfortable. That's all that matters to me.
(Minus the whole no pregnancy/STD thing, of course.)
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I just want to say that i am almost 19 and i still have my virginity. i totally agree with you with waiting, thats what i am doing and i am not missing out on anything.
Cons to waiting
- Will not be experienced
- I cant think of any more im sure there are more
I hear sex is pretty enjoyable...
Pros to waiting
- I will not get pregnaut
- I will not get an STD
- I wont have complications that go along with having sex
- Will not be called a slut
- More respected..sometimes (some dont care)
Cons to waiting
- Will not be experienced
- I cant think of any more im sure there are more
Your list of Pros:
The Pill, condoms, Sponge, UID, ad nauseum. You're careful, you get tested and you ask for your partner to get tested. It's really not hard at all to deal with this. - That takes care of pros 1 and 2.
Complications that go along with sex? Do you mean getting too emotionally involved or being used by your sex partner? There is no safeguard with this even after you get married, unfortunately. People use people. But! I'll come back to this shortly.
You're 18 and I'm guessing your friends are around that age. So, to me, the last two reasons, if you're more or less respected because you had sex then you really should take a look at who your friends are. This should and would be a non issue once you're ready.
Pros: being more experienced to me is not really a pro. Yes, practice makes perfect, but sex changes with the partner that you're with. Not everything will work out with any partner you're with.
However:
1.sex is quite enjoyable
2. releases stress
3. burns carbs
4. helps the health of your skin (I actually cleared up after losing my virginity)
5. it boosts your immune system
6. it boosts your self esteem (as long as you're not in an abusive relationship but this applies to anything)
7. improves cardiovascular health
8. it actually helps with PMS and pain (increase endorphins)
9. Those same endorphins will help you get in a better mood
10. it improves the intimacy in a relationship
11. for men it reduces the risk of prostate cancer
12. strengthens your muscles
13. improves your sleep.
Whenever you decide, whatever you decide, it has to be YOUR decision.
And it should be when you feel you're ready. When in doubt, the answer is a big fat no.
Whenever you do decide, after marriage, before marriage, tomorrow or 10 years from now, with whoever you decide with, you should be ready that anything can happen, even the slightest risk. When I decided I was ready it was when I decided that if I ever got pregnant I would be willing to do something about it. I had it in the back of my mind. But with technology today and the medical advances, as long as you're careful the risk is so minimal that an aspirins side effect might be even a greater one than a sex "side effect" (mostly referring to pregnancy and std's).
Nobody can cure you from a broken heart.
Archaeoalon
Pulling together is the aim of despotism and tyranny. Free men pull in all kinds of directions. It’s the only way to make progress.
I think whatever negative connotations we have about sex is due to the views of society. Whether something is immoral, taboo, or considered "unnatural", whatever the hell that means, vary from society to society. Sex is a very big part of that social taboo. And if it weren't for society, this entry probably would not have even been written.
yay, im glad to say i totally understand you on this one. im a virgin myself, and these questions haunt me everyday. one thing you shouldnt do is listen to your friends. i feel like sex is something to be shared between two people who are EMOTIONALLY connected with one another, not jhuss physically attracted. some people abuse the action and ' do it ' with whoever gehts them aroused. personally, thats overrated. you shouldnt have to worry about all the diseases and complications because thats what life is all about. youre going to have sex one day, and i think worrying about it now keeps pushing you away from what you truly feel.
now for your friends .. i think they have issues because maybe they rushed into having sex. some people dont take the time out to geht to know their partner, they jhuss skip over the whole step and geht right into the love making. people need to learn that sex is almost like a gleaming light of passion and its for the mind, body and soul not jhuss for a quick nutt bust.
so let me wrapp this up, basically, i think you should think deeply, and when you feel the person is right for you, and you feel like they DESERVE to have you, the you should have sex. and dont worry too much about STDs and being prego, they sell CONDOMS. those should help. even while performing sex, noone says you cant stop and check the condom to give yourself a little reassurance. its all about you, stop thinking about everything else (: