I wanted to use this blog to be progressive. What I thought was progressive was broadening my horizons by sharing my opinions and reading the opinions of others on current political issues: the presidential race, environmental issues, current news stories. But now I'm sitting here realizing that within my own life, I have made a progressive observation. I have always classified myself as being independent and would never fall victim to being trapped in a relationship I had no desire to stay in. To many people, for this reason I came off as a "bitch", but really I am quite a sympathetic person. And that very attribute is what has gotten me in trouble, but has opened my eyes to the situation of countless women. No, he never hit me. Not yet at least. But I can't say I didn't come out of the relationship without scars. After five months of having who my friends were, where I was at at all times, and who I talked to controlled, I am finally free. I still am asking myself why I have had no problem telling someone exactly what I think or defending myself when someone tried to cut me down, and yet I stood there and took such terrible verbal abuse and lived in fear from someone I really had no former obligation too. While I never out and out blamed abused women for their troubles, in a subconscious way I did blame them. If they were strong enough, if they had gotten an education they wouldn't have to rely on that guy to take care of them, if they weren't so weak and needy, they wouldn't be in that situation. And now, I am educated, independent, I know what I want, and yet I lived in fear of the day he would hit me. I listened day in and day out to him cut me down. It seemed he hated everything about me. Maybe deep down, I stayed as a way of punishing myself for something I can't let go of, maybe thats what happens for some women. Maybe as much as I think I want to be alone and on my own to achieve my desired goals in life, I thrive for a basic human necessity, to have someone to share your life with. But all in all, this blog was to be an apology to those women, who for whatever reason, are stuck. I...am...sorry. May you one day find the strength I did.