I don’t know about the rest of you, but you know what excites me? The way that we as Americans (sorry to you non-Americans, feel free to keep reading though) feel the need, as it were, to toss about lawsuits. Honestly, I think it’s hilarious. Nick, what are you going on about? Well, I’ll tell you. It has recently been noted that Gene Simmons (Link [1]) is going to file a lawsuit against the company that has been selling a copy of a sex tape (Link [1] to website that’s been selling the illegal tape). Now, according to TMZ.com:

Gene Simmons' legal team has taken an ingenious first step in shutting down a website featuring a video that shows Gene in a sex act with a woman who is not his longtime girlfriend, Shannon Tweed. We're told Gene's lawyers contacted Webmastercentral.com, which is responsible for the content on the website promoting the video -- ordering them to cease and desist because of copyright infringement. LINK [2]

Well, fuck, I’ve got to admit that Simmons’ legal team is pretty damn smart. Copyright infringement. I mean, fuck, I’d have never thought of that. So, let’s start with this tape. It is a home-video (meaning shitty camera work) of Gene Simmons fucking (there’s no better word for it) some skank (groupie). Gene never takes off his shirt, seems rather bored, and just goes at it for a while. The girl? She looks like she’s going to fall off the bed and is basically a starfucker. Gene was another notch in the bedpost. Point: This movie was made a while back and isn’t all that good. But, alas, it has recently surfaced. (This doesn’t get a source since I had the gall to sit around and watch the video. You see, I went to the aforementioned site, paid for the video, watched the video, and shortly found out that you just can’t be aroused watching Gene Simmons get it on. You can, however, see an image from said tape Here [3].) So, where go the lawyers get the copyright infringement charge? According to 2snaps.tv:

TMZ has learned that the tape is old and when Gene Simmons "caught wind of it" a few years ago he bought the rights to the tape, so the website may be in trouble for copyright infringement!

What does this mean? Well, Gene isn’t as stupid as we all thought he was! Not only was he unaware of the filming of this conquest, but when he found out, he BOUGHT THE RIGHTS to the tape. How amazing is that? And now that this site has found this tape, Gene pulls the lawyer card and BAM! This site is slapped with a lawsuit faster than, well, a speeding bullet. Mad props to Gene’s lawyers. So, moral of the story: Don’t get taped having sex. If you get taped having sex, puchase the rights to the sex tape. If someone manages to make a couple of bucks off of your sex tape, slap the fuckers (pun INTENDED) with a lawsuit for copyright infringement. Own your conquests, people.