sometimes it feels like everything is crashing down.
empty promises. so many.
hopes and dreams. shattered.
this is becoming a daily occurence. is it worth it?
is it really worth it?
everyone says it's not, but i believe. i may be the only person in the entire world who believes. but that's enough sometimes.
other times it's not.
tears fall without warning.
spur
of the moment tears at the sound of a certain song. or while passing a
place where a distant memory had been formed. it's like a bad breakup,
but there was no one to break up with.
it's a falling out of love. but with what?
with life?
no, that's not it. life is love. but there is still a falling out.
is it with this place?
am i ready to move on?
yes.
but i cannot. so i'll deal with it. maybe this feeling of emptiness will pass with the anticipation of upcoming events.
im scared that it will not go away.
what if change isn't what i need?
what if there really is something terribly wrong with me?
it's breaking me down bit by bit. slowly but surely i am failing.
failure.
& dissapointing the ones I love
my biggest fears.
grades slipping.
control slipping.
what is left?
friends.
im scared of leaving.
i have to,
but i know that my stay is requested for economic reasons. hope
scholarship. bah. i hate money. i abhor its existence because of the
barriers it causes.
im almost at the point where i need to shut down and turn off all the lights.
don't talk to me.
don't look at me.
ignore my existence while i internally recharge.
if that doesn't work, i dont know what i'll do. there's always the daly theory, but that is definitely not worth it. idiots.
bloody idiots.
im ready for this to be over. im ready for summer and senior year.
ready for life to take me by the hair and pull me out of the puddle im drowning in and throw me into the ocean with the sharks.
i'd rather face the sharks than drown in a puddle.
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