Have you ever been stuck in the position where you are trapped with 2 people who baby talk, fondle each other, rave about how perfect each other are and of course have those silly arguements? (ie: your so pretty! no I'm not... YES you are! ect....) Of course you have, but imagine that with your best friend and their other half. Slightly worse, right? Probably. It gets even worse when you hate the guy or girl they are with. Ecspecially when you know that they are a not so good boyfriend/girlfriend. So like a good friend you warn you friend, but alas only to be told how sweet and charming their other half is. Then when things get bad, you could end up with the blame. So why, you might be thinking, would I even bother? One reason is because you can't see what goes on behind closed doors. Your bestfriend and her oh-so-sweet boyfriend could be having fist fights and even worse, what if she was so "in love" with this person, so desperate to save them that she wouldn't listen to anybody? What lengths would you go to for your best friend?
If you knew a boyfriend or girlfriend or even a spouse of your best friend was abusive, what would you do? Would you beg? plead? Tell the police? I honestly don't know what I would do. I think I would try and talk to them as a friend and tell them the most honest and unhurtful way I could. Even with this approach some friends take the defensive and close their emotions off to you. How do you help someone who isnt ready to help themselves. Simple, you don't. You can't. I believe that unless the friend is ready to admit their is a problem and is willing to fix it you are going to be just wasting your breath. You may have to wait until they figure it out or decide they need help.
Another common reason people stay with abusers is that they possibly feel they need to help this person. A person who is dating someone abusive could convince themselves that they can change their significant other. They believe that they need to save them from themselves and that this can only be achieved by sticking around and loving them no matter what. A good solution to this is get them to talk to other abuse victims or try and convince them to attend group therapy sessions. This can open their eyes and help them see that you cannot change a persons inner self. Or if they refuse this give them a reason, that involves someone elses welfare. (ie, think of how the way your boyfriend acts affects your child.) you can use pets, friends, family, children even you. It can help them see the effect that the abuse has, not just on them, but on the other people in their life. Show them the ripple effect of the events in their life. Maybe it will help change their mind.
Altogether you cannot force a person to leave someone but you can help them when they decide to. Give them every way possible to help them get out. They are having a hard enough time just leaving, nevermind worrying about where to go. Even though you can't make a decision for someone you can help them when they decide to make it or you can give them a reason to make it. I wouldn't leave my friend to suffer in an abusive relationship, would you?
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