A Mother's Perspective on Having an Abortion
Yes, you can all pummel me with the moral questions of my decision and call me the names that you will but it will not shake me from my decision. Its not an easy decision. I have gone back and forth with this for days. My hair is falling out. I start convulsing out of the blue. I wake up at night in a cold sweat. I have been having nightmares about the doctor's with their prodding eyes and grotesque surgical implements, they have horns, they laugh maniacally and when I awake I still hear their laughter ringing as I scream in horror as my innards are torn.
I know this is not the reality of what it will be like, but it is how I imagine abortion. I cant walk the streets. People. People they will always judge. They do not know that the father was a drunk and an addict. How could I tell a child that? That he beat me. That on that night... he was high... I told I didnt want to but he insisted. He hit me as I resisted. I cant have a life emerge out of such utter desolation and evil.
I am afraid to tell anyone. Not because I think its the wrong decision but because of people's ignorance and prejudice. I know after I tell them they will whisper "Slut. Should have worn a condom." Or all the deflating"What a fucking whore..." I know these attacks arent true but the slings of these arrows bore holes that pierce my soul. I did everything to stop it from happening. I tried to take his beatings but that night I couldnt. They dont understand what having an abortion means when you are the one having it. Its not a decision people take lightly. Its torture. Worse than being raped by him, and enduring his beatings. I wish the people wouldnt look at me like I did something wrong... If they were in my shoes they'd understand, But they refuse to see, because they dont know.
I've heard people say that God told them to oppose abortions. I was one of them. I've talked to God a lot. And I feel that its right. A child cannot endure the beatings that even I cannot. A child born into this home would die.
The bond a mother and her child shares is precious. I know, that this is best for my child, because this isnt a place for a child to grow up properly; to grow up to be somebody. I want that for my child, but that wont happen with things the way they are. Its been eating me up inside, I'm being torn to pieces by this, but abortion is the right choice and I am the mother, the only one who can make this choice as difficult as it may be.
People dont realize what having an abortion means. Its not a decision that is made by flipping a coin it is a gutwrenching decision that haunts mothers long after they have made the decision. Consider this before you throw your barbed remarks to tear at the already broken heart of a mother who must have an abortion.
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