Florida. That oh so lovely state. You know the one. With the alleged sunshine, tropical weather, and beautiful beaches. It’s a great vacation spot… if you’re a mosquito.
I spent two weeks of my summer vacation in
Fort
Mires and
Key West (P.S. Key west is exempt from anything I say). After bring amped to go by all my friends (they know nothing), I was extremely disappointed.
I will gibe them the sunshine and the tropical weather, with a 100 degree temperature everyday and hard to breath, but the beautiful beaches, no way. Who ever came up with that one obviously had a couple too many pina coladas.
The water was the most disgusting mixture of blood red, orange and purple (sixth nicest beach in the nation, uh huh lady), I couldn’t even go in. When you turn down jet skiing because of the water, something is seriously wrong.
Its not even how unpleasant
Florida was, it was how you have to perpetually fear for your life. On land, there are gangsta-like people ( big, scary, look like there packing), in the ocean- crocodiles and sharks, in fresh water- alligators, at night- bloodthirsty mosquitoes and these tiny mosquitoes commonly known as No-see-ums…use your imagination., and the drivers.
I don’t know if it’s the humity or because you get board out of your mind looking at marshes after the first 10 minutes, but they have a lot of accidents. It seemed like every couple of feet there were signs that showed where someone had gotten into an accident (and I thought getting out of the parking lot a lunch was dangerous).
Finally, to top off the
Florida splendor there are (drum roll) hurricanes. Yay!
Florida was not my cup of tea ( I don’t even like tea) and I for one will never be going back there again (remember
Key West isn’t included. We should just make it a completely different state) unless bribed again by the prospect of hundreds of hockey boys.
I don’t understand how it became a vacation destination in the first place (higher your standards people), or the better question: who in their right minds would live there. From my short but very informative time in
Florida, I think I can safely say they are all crazy.
So here’s a tip from me to you: when faced with the prospect of going to
Florida flee to
Mexico or make-out with the kid with mono (trust me, I’m a professional).
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