"A Lady in the Street but a Freak in the Bed": The Illusion Responsible for Women Wanting Rough Sex
As we get older, we hear stories about sex (unless you live under a rock). From the Birds and the Bees lesson from your parents to the first-hand experience with the love of your life. But what's all it really about?
People have preferences. Men have preferences. Women have preferences. These are what we call "standards." My girlfriends have all said the same thing to me, one time or another, and that was "I want a man who can make me feel like a woman". When we are discussing this, sex was usually apart of it. I've often been told and perceived that while women want to be respected, they also want to be dominated in bed (at least). This may not seem contradictory, but it is. Think about it: if someone has control of another person, why should they feel obligated to respect them, especially when they enjoy that person's control? Because sex is a natural need in humans, it can become the perfect "impassive" weapon. So basically we'll do anything to get it (eventually), whether that's negotiating or finding someone who will give us what we want, even if it means giving up something good or someone that's a good person.
And then there's that one phrase that floats around: "a lady in the street, a freak in the bed" (or sheets, depending on how you heard it... I've always heard the former though, so bear with me). That is a popular way of saying, "I want a woman who can look and act respectable in public, but is really good in bed". This is supposedly the man's (or the "man" in the relationship, regardless of sexuality) preference- a good girl who likes getting freaky and wild in the hay. So now women know what they want, and they may or may not fit that description. Eventually, they might make it work.
So within maybe the last 100 years, with these new preferences, people have felt the need to "spice things up" when it comes to sex. There's roleplaying (student/teacher, boss/secretary, employer/maid, even stranger rape, and other situations that society today deems uncouth and taboo), exhibitionism (having sexual relations in public), group sex (no need to explain this one), domination (where one of the people having sex... "wear the pants," if you will, and can be incorporated into the other ones above) - the options and ideas are extensive.
Now, this all came to mind when I heard my aunt and my mom talking about the book 50 Shades of Gray. It's a book about how women are so much more powerful now, how they are so successful and in charge that at least in one place, they don't want to be in charge. That one place? The bedroom. This is post-feminism? I don't think so.
In reality, feminism is nowhere near done. It rose in the 70's, "peaked" in the 90's, and then did a U-Turn. What happened? Well, women were fooled into thinking that they had gained not only power (and they did gain a little), but too much power. They were becoming models, judges, lawyers, executive assistants- what more did they need?
This is still the illusion today. We see women in power suits and think, "wow, she must be living a successful life." In reality though, there are only a handful of truly successful women rivaling the number of successful men. But it seems that in the 21st century, we have everything that we want except one thing: the cookie. And I'm not talking about store-bought or homemade pastries here. And to get it from somewhere other than a sex toy store, women think they have to take a break from being the top-dog and submit. This is where "submit" and "consent" get thrown into the mixing pot and used interchangeably.
So, in conclusion, why do women want to be dominated? For starters, sex feels good. It fulfills one of human's biggest natural needs: reproduction (even if there is birth control involved). We also seek pleasure, so that makes two things that are taken care of. And we have established that too much power- as in power in all aspects of one's life- is not sexy, so we must conform in the bed to make ourselves and our partner happy, whether we are leading the successful life the media says we are or not.
Now, I have to be humble with this. I observe people and the goings-on everyday, and I have my own experiences with this (sigh), but I'm not even old enough to legally drink yet. So I don't know everything, and certainly not enough to completely break down and explain the world as we know it. But I've observed this much. And now those who read this can, for a few minutes, see it the way I do.
My two cents for the day. Thanks for reading!