"A Lady in the Street but a Freak in the Bed": The Illusion Responsible for Women Wanting Rough Sex
As we get older, we hear stories about sex (unless you live under a rock). From the Birds and the Bees lesson from your parents to the first-hand experience with the love of your life. But what's all it really about?
People have preferences. Men have preferences. Women have preferences. These are what we call "standards." My girlfriends have all said the same thing to me, one time or another, and that was "I want a man who can make me feel like a woman". When we are discussing this, sex was usually apart of it. I've often been told and perceived that while women want to be respected, they also want to be dominated in bed (at least). This may not seem contradictory, but it is. Think about it: if someone has control of another person, why should they feel obligated to respect them, especially when they enjoy that person's control? Because sex is a natural need in humans, it can become the perfect "impassive" weapon. So basically we'll do anything to get it (eventually), whether that's negotiating or finding someone who will give us what we want, even if it means giving up something good or someone that's a good person.
And then there's that one phrase that floats around: "a lady in the street, a freak in the bed" (or sheets, depending on how you heard it... I've always heard the former though, so bear with me). That is a popular way of saying, "I want a woman who can look and act respectable in public, but is really good in bed". This is supposedly the man's (or the "man" in the relationship, regardless of sexuality) preference- a good girl who likes getting freaky and wild in the hay. So now women know what they want, and they may or may not fit that description. Eventually, they might make it work.
So within maybe the last 100 years, with these new preferences, people have felt the need to "spice things up" when it comes to sex. There's roleplaying (student/teacher, boss/secretary, employer/maid, even stranger rape, and other situations that society today deems uncouth and taboo), exhibitionism (having sexual relations in public), group sex (no need to explain this one), domination (where one of the people having sex... "wear the pants," if you will, and can be incorporated into the other ones above) - the options and ideas are extensive.
Now, this all came to mind when I heard my aunt and my mom talking about the book 50 Shades of Gray. It's a book about how women are so much more powerful now, how they are so successful and in charge that at least in one place, they don't want to be in charge. That one place? The bedroom. This is post-feminism? I don't think so.
In reality, feminism is nowhere near done. It rose in the 70's, "peaked" in the 90's, and then did a U-Turn. What happened? Well, women were fooled into thinking that they had gained not only power (and they did gain a little), but too much power. They were becoming models, judges, lawyers, executive assistants- what more did they need?
This is still the illusion today. We see women in power suits and think, "wow, she must be living a successful life." In reality though, there are only a handful of truly successful women rivaling the number of successful men. But it seems that in the 21st century, we have everything that we want except one thing: the cookie. And I'm not talking about store-bought or homemade pastries here. And to get it from somewhere other than a sex toy store, women think they have to take a break from being the top-dog and submit. This is where "submit" and "consent" get thrown into the mixing pot and used interchangeably.
So, in conclusion, why do women want to be dominated? For starters, sex feels good. It fulfills one of human's biggest natural needs: reproduction (even if there is birth control involved). We also seek pleasure, so that makes two things that are taken care of. And we have established that too much power- as in power in all aspects of one's life- is not sexy, so we must conform in the bed to make ourselves and our partner happy, whether we are leading the successful life the media says we are or not.
Now, I have to be humble with this. I observe people and the goings-on everyday, and I have my own experiences with this (sigh), but I'm not even old enough to legally drink yet. So I don't know everything, and certainly not enough to completely break down and explain the world as we know it. But I've observed this much. And now those who read this can, for a few minutes, see it the way I do.
My two cents for the day. Thanks for reading!
~Anaghia~
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Comments
You write well
You write well for your age. I enjoyed your essay.
But by the end of it, as far as I could tell, your conclusion was that women want rough sex because it feels good and satisfies a basic need. I was puzzled about what "illusion" you were referring to. I think it is pretty hard to justify the sweeping generalization that it has something to do with women being fooled into believing they have too much power. That is probably true for some women but I doubt it comes anywhere close to explaining the submissive behavior of most women (even if most are submissive and want rough sex which I'm not convinced is accurate.)
I think there is a lot of difference between a "preference" and a "standard" and I'm not sure why you equated the two. A standard is something that is broadly accepted. An example of a standard would be "no means no" which is a universally accepted standard (in Western civilization at least) and people who deviate from it are resoundingly condemned and perhaps, if warranted, punished. But sexual preferences very widely and not all women do want to be dominated. Preferences run from those who do want domination to those who want to be equal partners in the game to those who want to dominate. Some women like their sex hard and fast and some like it slow and sweet. And there all manner of different preferences for techniques and positions. We have come a long way from the days when the "missionary position" was the only acceptable standard although for many it remains their preference.
If pain is the only way to receive, then with whips and chains
Females are leaning toward rough sex because they don’t have true passion anymore. Our nerve system has mutated. Environmental conditions have caused our mutation. We no longer enjoy sex, as before the 90's. In fact I doubt any female born after 1970 know what an orgasm is. Only that her male partner reaches one. The average male is more feminine then females. I’m not talking about being homosexual. I am saying they care more about their child then the mother. In females mutations they can no longer perceive love or true stimulation. I have experience with females of most age groups, those born through the 40 and the late 80's. The 40's females enjoyed sex to the max. However, those born in the late 80's did not reach the climates as these of 40's. By 1996 no female was reaching an orgasm. If you are a male and think your does, you are clueless about making love.
In our mutation sensitive nerve endings became dull. They are associated with high feeling like love and passion. However, survival nerves are still alive and they response to pain and suffering. In love, pain, or any high emotional state we get energy from others and our environment. I call this energy essential essences. These essences are actually codes that tell our body how to make happiness and other emotions. They tell us we are alive. They are very essential to our well being. If pain is the only way to receive it then, with whips and chain we are doing our thing. This is the reason, many series killers, kills (Ted Bundy).
Wow
Wow. I never thought about it like that before. But then again, i really can't because I'm a 90's kid. But it does explain why women are generally harder to please, this century around.
"The art of simplicity simply means making peace with your complexity." ~India Arie~
Taking matter in your own hand
My take on this, if you can’t master your own pleasure, it is doubtful anyone else can!
Ted Bundy was a male.
Ted Bundy was a male. According to your idea that only men reach orgasm, and feel sexual pleasure, men wouldn't be the serial killers, women would. This is definitely NOT the case in the vast majority of serial killers in America. Besides, I don't think serial killers can effectively represent a population. Statistically they are and always have been outliers.
Also, there is a pretty big gap between domination and violent/rough sex. Domination is an element of the latter, but violence is not necessarily an element of domination.
NOT ALL MALE ENJOYS SEX!
“Ted Bundy was a male. According to your idea that only men reach orgasm, and feel sexual pleasure, men wouldn't be the serial killers, women would.” Not all men enjoy sex. In fact some men only have sex to reproduce or to do evil. When I say, do evil one of those evils is having sex with their so call friends or their mates. Ted Bundy killed to perceive his victims stressed, energy.
Not to get too in depth, but...
I think there are a few reasons why women may want to be 'dominated' sexually.
I don't intend to be sexist or offensive by saying any of what I say, I'm just thinking.
To begin, sex is a physical act. Both men and women tend to attach certain physical and psychological traits to masculinity (and in contrast, femininity- or vice-versa if that order offends). These often include how tall, how heavy/muscular/wide, how deep the voice, how strong the features are of a man. This is the masculine side of the spectrum. These are traits that have an intrinsic dominant quality, to a certain extent. I think this is reinforced during sex, initially (I don't intend to discuss the development of sexual preferences or fantasies or anything of that nature) by women, being generally more 'feminine' and identifying with that role. This is not always true. Many women are larger than many men, and obviously still have a feminine identity- but what I mean is that for whatever reason our society identifies sexual roles with generally accepted and understood natural traits. Men are stronger, bigger. Women are smaller, physically weaker. It goes without saying stronger is more dominant, whoever is in that role "should" dominate, according to this concept.
Psychologically, without going too far into areas I'm not an expert in, according to Freud, roles in the family define, in large part, identity, sexuality, and so on. Traditionally, fathers dominated the household by having the most socioeconomic leverage as well as generally being physically larger than the rest of the individuals in the household. A woman raised under these or similar circumstances will seek this dynamic out (or rebel, depending on personality and other influences on upbringing), and sexual expression of this is likely very satisfying.
I don't find that this desire has anything to do with feminism at all. Based on my friends' experiences as well as my own (we are just past the age of legal drinking in America), men and women both crave this dynamic. Going back to high school, neither the men nor the women have gained significant socioeconomic power or authority at all in comparison to their peers of either gender- so the model of their parents is the 'template' for sexual roles. Thus, the domination dynamic is already a part of sexual culture at this point and can't be from a feminist ideology of "choosing not to be powerful" in that sexual culture. Generally, neither gender in the high school to college age-group repeatedly has the qualification to say "I am more socially and economically powerful than my significant other, but will choose not to dominate our sex-life." i doubt that thought has even occurred to most young adults.
I do suspect, though, a person's sexuality and identity being influenced by feminist ideas (or chauvinist ideas), as they develop -just as they are influenced by a variety of other factors. Furthermore, I can only speak of our culture, in this sense, because historically we are patriarchal. It would be very interesting to consider the sexual preferences of individuals in more matriarchal societies. Maybe the dynamics would be different.
Single parenting
Well, Vritroc I have seen too many tiny females control big, muscular males, in serious debates. You said something interesting, "Economically." What I have seen emerging or is in our society, "the bread winner is in control. Mostly in our past the male was the bread winner and control things in most situations. However, now he is also the homemaker. Some situations where females dominate are due to a major problem, single parenting. Within a couple generations of this males and female’s child sees the female (mother) only in the household, in control. When the male and female become an adult, they have been programmed for this order.
Feminism has affected many things. However, I believe that environmental conditions has affected us more mentally, then feminism.
In most situations we are programmed to find a mate comparative to our parents. All-in-all we are attracted to someone we are compatible. As they said in the 60's or 70's, "on the same wave length." What this normally means, we can handle them both mentally ad physically. The proof to this is we often see breakups’ and they normally find the same type of person and wonder why?
I thinking, most physical attributes are just icing on the cake. I stopped working out in 2008, I’m in the worst shape I’ve been in years. I still attracting young and old females, however I just let them slip on away. I believe it is the heart (our personal persona, our mental state) that mostly attracts.
ESTROGEN THE REASON
Women cannot perceive stimulation physically as they should. This also degrades their ability mentally. Became females characteristics are based on estrogen, have more of it and estrogen is a communication hormone they can communicate, unknownly with all the electromagnetic waves in the air. This cause their nervous system to retard itself (become dull). This causes them not to perceive stimulation and the essential essences coming from their partners and the environment. This is why they behave badly. They cannot perceive or formulate love, caring, and compassion. Male has testosterone which actually protects from electromagnetic waves partially.
In 1990 they introduced the world to a new poison that they designed to target sex, most the female organs. It is the reason female experience pain doing sex. They may misconstrue their pain as normal for some females (they will think this is the way sex should be, it is not). This poison origin is from China. By 1996 females who once enjoyed sex was affected and now experience pain during sex. This poison is the reason feminine females skin sags. This poison takes the elasticity out of their tissue or skin. It affects males as well, especially those with a high estrogen ration to testosterone. From this we should know it affects those with more estrogen first. The methods to which this poison work affects and age the entire body (the heart). Is this the reason we heard of so many heart attacks?
The number one reason we cannot accept my findings is, why would any do this? We have become evil. Evil jobs are to corrupt and destroy life. Sex brings forth life. Evil also blind everyone who touches it. If your very own mother has touched evil (the dark arts), she would do things to suppress, blind, and destroy you. She has no control over this, like a crack junky has no control over their destiny. She is blind to the reality of what she does. This goes for anyone else who has touched evil. See http://www.progressiveu.org/truth/blogs/51-exposing-why-life-decaying or http://www.progressiveu.org/truth/blogs/155-2012-why-life-must-end-these... to understand this evil.
Do you actually have ANY
Do you actually have ANY evidence to back up any of your claims? Seriously?
Insanity
I'm pretty sure all of his evidence is provided by the little voices that are whispering to him in his head.
Would you care to venture a diagnosis?
Look bad
jackbenimble, you watch what you say, because saying simple-minded thing like you have stated makes you look bad.
For you convenience I will do an analysis on you when I get time.
THIS IS THE POWER OF EVIL'S CHAIN OF COMMAND
When those like Jack [under darkness] above say just two words, others under darkness will listen. It is said angels or demons can whisper one or two words in our ears and make or break our day. This is what Jack is doing. He is commanding those under darkness not to listen, no matter how it may help them. See that which follows.
Self Evidence
IF we look closely we can see this is self evidence. My evidence is my experience. However, it is not nature for female to experience pain doing sex. This is something they don't really talk about. One, because it makes them look bad, cause it is seen as a weakness. Two, they don't know this is not normal. By the way I'm am a male. I have truly made love in my day. When a female is in pain I will know. When she is faking enjoyment, I know this too. If you want to know about sex, you can ask 1 out 10 males over 50 and they will know.
With all due respect, don't
With all due respect, don't assume anything about what you think you know about women. In certain societies of the past, sex between husbands and wives was all about getting the woman pregnant, not about her pleasure. Men sought out other women, professionals, for enjoyment. I realize you lived through the era of free love and all that, but I hardly think that you can determine whether or not I'm getting pleasure from having sex. Maybe you're just not as good at it as you think you are, so your partners aren't enjoying it anymore.
But even if you're right and women today are having more pain than pleasure during sex, what evidence do you have that EMF is causing this? Correlation =/= causation.
CLOTHING ON THE BODY CAUSED THE PAIN
EMF did not cause the pain or discomfort females’ experience. It was the very clothing on your body, foot ware, and just about everything in your environment. See http://www.jah7.org/tpc.pdf. We sent this doc to more than 70,000 employees of the FED. Within 4 hrs of being email, they removed it from each PC, even after it was open. The word came down. I was to be fired for sending out this health warning.
EMF took away our sensitivity. You as a DR should know your nervous system works on electricity impulses. Which means your nervous system is the essence of a super conductor or like a wire. Anything that conducts electrons can be used as an antenna. Electromagnetic waves strike an antenna inducing voltage. In our radio the voltage is striped off leaving the message transmitted. Since our nervous system conducts, every transmission in the environment hit our bodies to get to ground. To survive our nervous system retracts its sensitivity. In doing so, our bodies become dull. It is of this reason female don’t full enjoy sex.
EVIL HAD A HAND IN OUR STATE OF BEING
Too, what do you think cause females discomfort. I have worked with thousandths of females on the job. I have listened to them talking. I have had sex with hundredth of females. I have studied them all my life. All males have, as females has studied males. But, I have done it like a scientist.
I have had sex with females born up to 1999 and no female born after 1970 enjoyed sex. The music we listen to is a good indication about what or who we are, about our well being, our personal persona. It is of this reason we have RAP and Heavy Metal listened to mostly by those born after the 70's. These (music) are destruction in nature. It reflects the listener state of being. They like it because they can relate to the message it sends, destructive. They are the beast and the beast cannot enjoy the music of their fore-parents. As such, the beast or that which is evil cannot enjoy normal sex. Pain is really its game. What do you think caused the various Generations [X, Y, Z] after the 60's or 70's, environmental conditions, EMF? Why do you think autism has tripled since 1990, EMF? It has altered the mind. Our technological advancements have made us less of a human being, not just those born after 65, but all of us. This has made us the beast. These facts are obvious! That we have became more of the beast, with each advancement. However, evil has help to make us the beast. We can see this in the results of the emailing of the facts on TPC and them removing it and trying to fire me. Evil wants you to be the beast. As the beast you will destroy yourself. Evil will have won!
See the reply by Jackbenimble. Why did they post this? This is the way of those who are controlled by the dark world, evil. These individuals are not in control of their lives and must do the will of evil. In doing so they must debase anything which will give us life or reveal the evil that has been done to us, which cause us life. This evil I speak is my revealing that which has caused us sexual problems. Sex is the number one reason evil hates us. It bring forth life. Evil hates life. The problem is we just don’t see the full reality of this. We all are blinded by the dark world.
There is a chain of command in this world and the most evil is at the top. When they talk, we all listen. I have observed this in life since the 90's. Why? Evil have us all under a spell, enchantment. This force make us believe the most evil before the most good. Being controlled by the dark world we follow its will and listen in most cases. However, the more we are part of the dark world the more we listen. The seed to this spell is all religious system. We innocently embrace religion. Unknown to us we are being enchanted, blinded. Anyone who has read the Bible knows each time they read it, they get something different, even if it the same chapter they read before. It is designed in such a way it will not allow the reader to see the whole picture. As to how it does this I cannot see. But, I do see lots of its deceitfulness. When we understand what the dark arts [witchcraft] does, we can start seeing the deceit of the Bible.
The situations with Adam and Eve, they were not trying to be like gods, knowing right and wrong. They were thinking they would be gods, with powers like a god. This is what the average person thinks, who chose to use the dark arts, witchcraft. However, they will never be like a god. Still, they are happy with their choice of using the dark arts. Why? The dark arts feed them a high, just like crack do its users. The dark arts feed them delusions of grandeur. Still, if they are so happy, why are they so jealous of others. Happy people are not jealous of others. This is a dark world’s emotion that they superimpose on users of the dark arts. It also makes them think they are superior to others and even smarter, delusions of grandeur. However, it prevents them from understanding the truth or perceiving real reality.
Lets look at another thing with Adam and Eve. In all respect they had the mentality of a two-years-old. How can I say this? One, like a country boy, they were new to this world. Two, they did not even know they were naked. A parent knows they cannot leave or allow their two-years-old access to anything they don’t want them to touch [leaving them along with it]. How is it, that the average parent is smarter then Adam and Eve god? Their god telling them not to touch and leaving them along with that they should not touch. In addition, along with evil. That evil is very old and was in this world since time. Adam and Eve are just country boys going to NY. What chance did they have against this evil? So who is truly wrong in this situation, Adam and Eve or their god. I can read between the lines and see that their god is that same snake in the garden. We can read things like this throughout the Bible.
Evil has nothing to do with it
Truth, for several years before you showed up here I was having enjoyable conversations at this blog. Before you came, there used to be a lot of smart people here and I counted myself among the lesser of them. But at least I have a functioning brain.
Your insanity has generally debased this place. It has nothing to do with evil and everything to do with your insanity. Your incessant talk about EMW of whatever is ridiculous. Post proven science or shut the fuck up! Take your moranic crap somewhere else where morons hang out. If you can't post science then don't bother.
Wrong!
If this be true, then why are you bugging? Why do you need to debased my posting. I did not start this, you did. Further more, you have no Idea as to what other have experienced with EMW or EMF.
EVIL IS REAL
Jack, evil is real and all around us. Just the fact you acting as if it has nothing to do with this [our present financial, sexual, physical, and your mental problems], says you are evil and a users of the dark arts. We can look at each of your posting and see you support what is wrong with this world.
I don't accept your judgement
I don't for a second doubt that there is evil in the world. But you would be the last person who's judgement I would trust to recognize it. Insane people don't have dependable judgement and in fact that lack of ability to judge what is real from what is just a crazy little voice in their brain is what makes them insane.
I stopped reading after the
I stopped reading after the first 1.5 paragraphs. You've had sex with girls born in 1999? That makes them, at the most, 13. I'm pretty sure that's statuatory rape in every single state in the US. You are a sick, sick person.
Also, it's not surprising that THOSE girls didn't enjoy sex with you. You probably robbed them of their virginity. That doesn't say much about the rest of the women you've had sex with.
Test
That was a test to see were you listen. However, in truth it was 1989.
I have power over you and yet I'm alleged insane!
Jack! Extraordinary! You have given an insane person (as stated by you) power over you. In this power I take away your enjoyment! However, it is justifiable due to your unfavorable remarks that is unbecoming to a gentleman. First, calm down. You need to get a life. Use this blog site to learn, not for entertainment. Second, this AIN’T Burger King, you can’t always have it your way. Although you say I’m insane, but you need to get help. You are living unrealistically, in some kind of dream world. You are a fool if you don’t think evil exist. Ever more if you don’t know why you are jealous of others, I will tell you, they are alive and you believe they enjoy life beyond what you are capable. This means they have some kind of sexual attraction. You do know jealous leads to hate. Well, both jealous and hate are evils.
Let take a look at that EMF or EMW thing. If you don’t think this is a problem or these don’t affect us, try this experiment: stick your head in a MICROWAVE, activate the door switch with a stick or something, and turn it on. See how long you live. They use the same magnetron at airports, only more powerful. The military use them. You should hear some stories guys would tell who worked with them. How a bird flies by and it cooks them. A microwave is a microwave no matter the wattage. All EMF/EMW are harmful to life above certain frequencies, like those used cell phone system. What science do I need to post? It is on the label of microwaves and in the manual, it danger. There is talk on the harm of cell phones on the net. You’re not that stupid, what you are doing is running interference (blindness) for evil. Just the fact you’re saying evil does not have anything to do with life proves this. However, in each of you posting relating to TRUTH you have made yourself look stupid. Take for instance, you said I took away your enjoyment do to my insane postings, did you not see TRUTH at the top? NO ONE MADE YOU READ THEM! How do you explain such stupidity? You are the one keep putting their foot in their mouth. You comment because your demon impels you to, no matter how foolish you may look. Anyone who is not brain dead can see you are trying to cover something up. I’m trying to promote the health of life by revealing what is destroying life. Nevertheless, you are against life because you are trying to conceal what evil has done or doing.
Site is low on popularity due to
This site is low on popularity due to its changes a year or so ago. Before it showed status on each posting (how popular it is). We like competition and the old site was competitiveness.
HOWEVER JACK, IF YOU WANT GIVE ME POWER FOR THIS, I'LL TAKE IT!
The site is low on popularity
The site is low on popularity because we lost all our old content and have had issues with updating the site. Now, all three major board members are busy with our own lives and school and don't have the time to dedicate to advertising the site anymore. Jack is not among those members.
OP is dead.
The old site was a better setup! This new set up offers very lit' in comparison to the old. I wonder why it was charged to this? The contents that was left behind has nothing to do with it. Run a poll!
I agree, the other site was
I agree, the other site was better. But someone hacked us a long time ago, and we lost our database. We were hacked because our security settings were not up to date. We managed to save an old database, but its format was not compatible with the new site. And then, something happened and we had to update again. And we haven't been able to get the population back to the site because we lost our scholarship funding. And then those of us running the site had our lives get in the way to finding new money.
Trust me, I'm more aware of what's happened to this site than you are, dear.