November 16th, 2004
False Life
You left your fingerprints at the door
You came inside, but you weren’t anymore
The history that is you was only yours to hold
But your identity has changed
It’s made you hard and cold.
The footsteps we made on the sand
Have sifted to form some other shoe
And the hand I once held in my hand
No longer feels like you
Touch is so hard and cold.
I wrote this about a friend and ex who is in the United States Marines. He is one of my best friends. I know that us breaking up was my fault even if he says it wasn't. I'm not perfect and I don't pretend to be. We are just friends now. Sometimes I miss him other times I'm happy we aren't together. I still talk to his mom all the time. I still talk to him all the time. I'm worried about him.
I want to find the right girl and have the courage to ask her out.
I want to mend a broken heart.
I want to pop the question.
I want to wear black and her wear white.
I want until death due you part.
I want the honeymoon to never end but not be surprised when it does.
I want to wait nine months to buy a box of cigars.
"The Secret Life of Books"
They have their stratagems too, though they can't move.
They know their parts.
Like invalids long reconciled
To stillness, they do their work through others.
They have turned the world
To their own account by the twisting of hearts.
What do they have to say and how do they say it?
In the library
At night, or the sun room with its one
Sometimes you think you'll never love again.
Someone has broken your heart.
You think that whoever held your heart last could never be replaced,
that feelings of love and passion and intimacy may never be experienced again.
You think that the mistakes you made in the past will never be forgiven.
You think that you are unlovable because the one person you made yourself
You found yourself dragging your feet when we first began conversing. You found yourself dragging your feet when you found out about my past. You found yourself dragging your feet when deciding on what to do after the incident. You are dragging your feet as you decide on whether or not your truly in love with me or if this is just a phase that shall pass as all others have in both our lives.
You stabbed the heart that once beat freely within me
You drowned the happiness that once created a defense against negativity
You kicked the smile that once made others feel welcome and at peace
You hammered against the softest part of the positive energy that made you laugh
You lied to the ears that have listened to the many problems of friends and strangers alike
Emotions
The disgusting things that make us humans can also bring us joy
These vile disturbances in your life can make you happy, oh boy
But with good comes bad
With cheerful comes sad
These emotions eat at me until they reach the bone
Eating me like termites to a home
Filling me up or draining me empty
Intense, complicated nothing is simply
Easy. Why is everything so hard?
