So, here's the deal, I was 12 years old raising two kids while my mom was off getting drunk and passing out at God only knows where. I hated my child hood, well not like I ever got much of one what with the divorce at age 6 and the battles over custody ever since. I couldn't wait to grow up, to get out.
It's inevitable that what you want to be when you "grow up" will most likely change as you go through the actual process of "growing up".
I just wanted to talk about my own personal "growing up" process and how my future career hopes have changed.
Religion and spirituality have always been large interests of mine. I've always felt something... divine around me and in my life. I've never belonged to any one particular religion although I've read about many and have (almost) always looked upon different sorts of religions with a great deal of curiosity and respect.
I have older siblings, so I know how things were after they turned 18...not much different from when they were 17. So that's basically what I thought would happen after I turned 18 at the beginning of the year. Man was i wrong.
There is so much pressure to being seventeen and a senior in high school. I have already filled out college applications, sent transcripts, and heard from all my colleges. I am down to two final decisions. Everyone around me doesn't help by constantly reminding me that this is the first and most important decision of my adult life. Thanks-no pressure there.
My mom often points out how much I look like my best friend. We both have shoulder length hair, layered of course, and with bangs that hang over our eyes. Our only physical difference is that she is much taller than I am. I'm no longer surprised when people think we're sisters, because after hanging out with her for the past thirteen years of my life, I'd expect to look something like her.
Today, I got quite a surprise. I came home to find a Private Message on a message board I used to run. I haven't touched the message board in probably a year or so (there's a message from me saying that I hope 2007 is a better year than 2006). While that in and of itself is not that surprising, the person the PM came from is.
It has been a growing fear of mine that I will leave high school without a sense of whom I want to be and who I have already become. It has been a long expedition getting this far in my path of self acceptance and realization but it is not even close to being over. I wonder everyday who I am getting dressed up for and why it matters so much to me if I have a date for a dance or not.
