Usually take an afternoon nap from 12:00 to dinner time just because I have nothing to do. But recently I have noticed something very strange about waking up from these naps. About 75% of the time when I wake up I am in a complete panic; cold sweats, breathing hard, paranoia, completely scared of everything.
It started in September when our house began to go through foreclosure. Anxiety, stress, depression, and many other difficulties decended on my family as we had to prepare to move. My dad looked for houses and we ended up moving out last month. Keeping up with high mortgage payments was too difficult for my family's small income.
If I wouldn't have found ProU I would be curled up in a ball. I would be alone, weeping, and thinking of how much I hate life. This site has changed my life. I love it dearly, and I would fight for it if it ever was to be taken away from me. I have meet amazing people on this site, and I wish I could meet them in real life, but not knowing makes it that much more interesting.
I can feel all the walls closing in around me. It takes me forever to get to sleep at night and once I finally do get to sleep, in the wee hours of the morning, I never want to wake up. I sleep though the entire morning and well into the afternoon, awaken constantly by the ringing phone. Damn creditors.
If you know me by now you know that I think too much. This is due to my anxiety disorder. Feelings that have been suppressed so long can come back so quickly. By surpressing feelings I can go on with my life. I can get over things. I can become emotionally numb.
I have put off writing about this since I have been on here because in reality the word Anxiety makes me anxious, but I figured I would give it a shot. Many people have questioned a person's sanity when not really understanding the situtation they are going through. I have had anxiety since I was 15 years old (5 years)
It happens every year or so. It is almost uncontrollable. I think about losing all that excess and I don’t feel settled until I get it out…of my house.
I was driving to work this morning, preoccupied because I was sent on a huge detour due to the neverending construction in this city, and I began reflecting on society.
At the risk of sounding crass, society on a whole is quite dissapointing.
