vice.newyork's blog

"This is life. "

(this is my life)

I want is to be able to go to Pratt or really an art school in Nyc....to have the chance to make something of myself. it's a lot to ask. i think. but as i am, i feel i am deteriorating. i feel like a terrible terrible ghost of a potential artist. a beautiful girl whose skin pales everyday as it passes. the teeth yellow. and the movements i make become slower and slower at night.

its amazing. the way people can find each other and then from that moment on they are connected.
love. love story. how does it work? how do you make it work? how do you know its real?

does it mean anything when you have been together for five years?
have lived together for a year
have died for one another when its just too much
secretly saw each other when it was so wrong it was right

i keep paying attention to what i need to do.

i dont know what im saying. i dont know what im saying.

i keep thinking about what i want to do.

and the things i want the most,.

the things i need the most.

its not that hard. (its not that easy)

and i dont know what im doing.

last night was the best night in a long time in terms of my social life.

im hunching over and empty-stomached. but not hungry.

my bf and i had a bit of a party last night. it wasnt too crowed here in our house but it was really some fun for me.

i accidentally deleted all the numbers on my boyfriends phone.

i had a terribly long day. though it started well.

 i don't know what it is exactly that is tipping me off the edge but

its got to be a combination of the many.

im stressing out a ton. i can feel it in my neck.

i have a sharp pain in the side of my back.

i keep seeing these girls around here that look like barbies. but really unattractive ones.

like hollywood overdone.

botox, implants, lips. hair..

it freaks me out! srsly.

they look like the bratz but they dont have big heads. its so crazy.