marichriaddi's blog

I went to the Black Hills and I saw for myself why the Lakota people value that land so much.  It is one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen and I've seen a lot of beauty because of where I am from.  At the time, I realized why the Black Hills were so desired by the white people.  I saw both sides.  I saw the need for Paha Sapa and the want for Black Hills gold.  However, the need for Paha Sapa as a place to gather medicinal roots and to hunt wild game to sustain a people for thousands and thousands of years compelled me to feel for the Lakota.  I went to Mount Rushmore and had to pay $8.  As if!  Indian people shouldn't have to pay to visit land that was taken from them!  I walked around for about 2 minutes.  I looked around at the cheap trinkets.  I saw the white Americans simply in awe, practically shedding tears, and in total reverence over this carving in the Black Hills.  It angered me to no end.  I saw...that this money and greed were what killed Native people.  I saw that...the Black Hills would never be given back to its rightful owners b/c look at all the money made on those Mt. Rushmore trinkets!  Why can't white people stop this obsession with money?  Why can't they see that there is no good in valuing a piece of paper over human lives?  I was so pissed that I wanted to leave that place immediately.  I felt no patriotic feelings.  I wasn't going to sing the National Anthem at the top of my lungs.  I wanted to dynamite the whole thing to the ground.  Carving the faces of presidents who murdered Native people, who were enemies of Native people smack dab in the heart of Indian country is the hugest sign of disrespect I have ever seen and understood.  It is as though white people are a schoolyard bully who does things b/c they can.   Might as well carve some monuments in Iraq of George Bush to spite the people there while we're at it!  but i know, Someday, the bully gets what he deserves and that is the day all of them fear.  That day when a change will take place, when their power is gone.   Read More »

My friend said that last night was a night to write a story about.  I told her that every night can be a story to write about if one makes it that way.  I vowed that I would live my life day by day and hope that each day is a day worth writing about either because of the events that took place or all of the thoughts that I thought about throughout the day.  You see, it's fun inside my head.  I have pictures, movies, songs, and ideas that entertain me to no end.  I am awake and thinking and having a jolly time.  I go to sleep and dream and think and have an even jollier time cuz I can fly.  Heck, thinking has got to be the most precious gift given to me in this life.  The second most precious?  The choices.  The endless possibilities.  I think of every star in the sky mirroring every possibility in my life and I want to visit each star in that sky.  I want to journey from star to star...Having fun all the while.   Read More »

Just because you don't see someone, doesn't mean they aren't there.  They are all around you, spirits floating through space trying to tell you something, but you don't listen.  You ignore them when they talk to you in your dreams, you retreat further into your mind and use your ignorance and fear of the "silliness" of dreams as an excuse, and you forget just what the hell you were doing here anyway.  Your mind is full of an evil.  It grasps your brain and squeezes.  Tighter tighter tighter until you are suffocating.  You need help.  You can't breathe.  You wonder who and where the ones who can help you are at as you struggle to hang on to life.  But you forgot that you tried to kill them.  You forgot why too.  You erased the traumatic events because you were guilty.  Now, the invisible people you sought to destroy are all around you and can save you, but you can't see them.  So you don't believe they are real.  Now, you finally see one's transparent form flicker before you and you wave your arms wildly to get their attention and they see you.  they are looking right into your eyes. their flickering, faint image fades...but they don't care that you are dying and you can't breathe.  They are simply glad that, hey, at least it is you that is suffering and they aren't and yeah maybe someday...nah forget it...right now, they remember the time they begged for your help and mercy and you tried to kill them but you didn't succeed.  you only wounded them deeply and they had to spend hundreds of years in physical and psychological rehabilitation, their fading and faint images growing stronger and more vivid.  No more stoic, non-smiling images of spirits...they are becoming more tangible and alive with each passing day as their knowledge of your suffering causes them to grow stronger.  They see you suffocating and a small, almost guilty smile tugs at their lips as they watch you slowly die.   Read More »

sometimes, it is funny to think about the person i have grown to become and the person that i am continuing to become.  I think of life as a process of continuous improvement.  I think about how I have chosen to take on some of my mom's good traits, and leave behind some of her more undesirable qualities.  I think of how I am similar in temperament to my dad and how I chose to be that way.  It is as though I am a 50/50 blend of my mom and dad.  I have chosen to take on some of their good and bad attributes.  I believe that my mom has also done the same.  Is it my purpose and meaning as part of this process of life to continue to improve?  If my life is but a speck of time, but i can pass on my good attributes to my kids, then, did I serve my purpose?  I feel that my only purpose in life is to keep improving and to keep living so that I can one day pass my genes on to the next generation and in a way keep living on.  Whoa man that is trippy.  It is weird to think that maybe one of my ancestors had thoughts like mine.  It is weird to think that maybe I feel like I've done this before because I have in another life in another time.  Sometimes, dreams I have are unexplainable.  I am in a land free of fences, weeds, buildings, and a vast lime green meadow....wow.  It is beautiful...Yet, I've never seen such a place in my life...Where and when and did i see it before?  Did I make it up?  Is my imagination a part of me that is also a part of my ancestors which is a part of me which is still connected to me through dreams and imagination?   Why is it that some people can't remember their dreams?  Is it because they don't want to?  Is it because they don't think they are important?  Why would Creator, God, or Allah or whoever you believe in create something like dreams if they WEREN'T important?  Of course dreams are important.  Maybe people are afraid...Afraid to open their mind to new ways of thinking, doing, living, existing...Why?  Is it because they fear that some good will actually come out of it?  Why are people afraid to be good to one another?  Why do people harbor feelings of jealousy hate greed and envy to the point of committing crimes?  What is the purpose in those actions and choices?  I don't understand it.  I want to understand it.  Yet, those people can't even express themselves in words to tell me what it is like and why they do what they do.  Maybe their inability to express themselves and to find another way to do things leads them to these actions of committing crimes?  Just say what u feel people.  If you don't...life and everything is a waste of time because you are not doing what you can do to get what you want and need.  Plus, it pisses me off because I don't understand....Then I talk bad about you kind of people.  Then, I am stooping to a lower level that I really don't like to be on... So come on now...the problem with people is that...they look at their lives as though they were simply focusing on one fingernail.  When that fingernail breaks because of some sort of stress or pressure exerted on it...they freak out.  They can't live.  Everything normal to them has broken and become changed!  They focus on their broken fingernail to the point that they stare at it and do nothing else...When the fingernail doesn't grow back magically in front of their eyes, they become obsessed with it.  they want it to grow back so everything can be alright and back to normal.  What people neglect to see is that the broken fingernail will grow back in time, but the person should learn to see that their other fingernails are perfectly manicured and the broken nail can be filed and smoothed and the other nails can be cut so that all the fingernails can once again look uniform they might not look the same ever again, but isnt that what it is all about?Sometimes a change is needed.  they don't see the hand and fingers the nails are attached to.  They don't see the arm that attaches to the hand.  They don't see the person which connects to the arm.  I say...quit focusing on one stupid broken nail, get over it, move on, and do sometthing to fix your nail and your other nails instead of hopelessly giving up all hope that your nail will never grow back the way it was.  See the big picture.  Instead of stressing just tell yourself, "Don't even worry about it.  I'll be alright."  You know...it is not how much one cries about a problem....it is about how much one tries to solve the problem in different ways.  If you sit there and solve every problem the same way or if you try to solve the same problem in the same way expecting different results everytime...heck you're crazy!  Every new problem presented in life...will have a new solution to go with it...the person who can adapt everytime to the problem at hand and solve it and go on with life is a successful person in my book and that person is who I would eventually like to be because i'm realistic.  for every good time i have...there will be a bad time to follow it.  I don't dwell on the bad though.  That is a sign of weakness.  If I can expect bad and have a plan or even some idea about it...all i know is that it'll be alright.  i know there will always be a problem to solve and that it is a part of life. so i have learned to simply deal with it one problem at a time until someday all of them will be solved?  Who knows.  All i know is that life is soooo damn fun but also it can be sooo painful and searing b/c of the problems .  I guess i must have one to know the other...But at least I know and have faith that this much is true...it is all happening for a very good reason b/c everything i do is in a good way.   Read More »

Sometimes people who aren't terrorists at all are labeled that way because the fear people feel when they are confronted with someone or something that they know little about.  Sometimes, people are labeled terrorists because money is involved.  I look at most people and I am struck with curiosity as to why they fear the unknown so much!  Personally, the unknown is only unknown  Read More »

I want to change the world, but I don't know where or how to start.  So I think about the earth, the world, the planet.  I think of how this earth rotates around a sun.  I think of the sun as merely a star in another's sky.  I think of the sun as part of the solar system rotating around the galaxy and I think of the galaxy rotating around the universe.  T  Read More »

A friend told me...This is crazy.  I said, "What?"  He said, "LIFE!" 

He is right.  I always think about how crazy life can be, with all of its obstacles, neverending sagas, twists, turns, 90 degree banking corners, and I always think of how much fun it all is as I hang on tight, hope for the best, and try to steer as best as I can.  I used to like to think of the idea that I'm in control over my life.  I would dream the most beautiful dreams, they're called lucid dreams, in which at the mere thought of flying, I would descend into the air at will and I could fly to my desired location.   Read More »