kookykrys's blog

I absolutely hate being called stupid. I don't think I know a better way to really get to me or hurt me. After taking that for so many years from my parents I don't think I can take that comment from anyone without silently going into a small depression. I don't know why people continue to do that.

It's over....the final season is over. For four years, I have dedicated the very base of my life to my participation in my team. The hours, the days, the months I have put in have finally come to an end. I have had two families for four years, now I have lost one. I knew this day would come, but I should have realized that before I blinked.

I am currently barely passing my Advanced Placement Literature and Composition class...with a D-. I'll admit that I was failing about a month ago, but I turned in all of my make up work. I've done every assignment to the best of my ability since then. I have aced every test since I've gotten caught up, and I continue to do so now. So why do I have this grade now?

I have a lot of emotions. And at times, I'm afraid to let them be known. I sometimes know what I want, but not all the time. And when that happens, I have a hard time finding out what it is I'm supposed to do. I rant and rave and vent to my friends all the time, but I don't think I've ever fully opened up to anyone.

We all know it hurts to lose a friend. It happens everyday. People get into car accidents, some are at the wrong plave at the wrong time, etc. etc. But what do you do when the friend you lost is still alive? Not just alive, but alive and well. Without you. What do you do when not just one, but a whole group decides to leave you because they do not care to stand by someone like you, even if you don't know what you did wrong, what you did to them, what you don't even know how to fix? It doesn't seem to make sense. One day everything is just fine. Then overnight, it's all different. Suddenly, you become their enemy, someone not worth even talking to. What did I do? I've lost two of my best friends. Over what? Some immature annoyance that results in me being exiled? How do you even begin to try and pick up the pieces when someone looks at you in the eye and says they're your friend, but whispers stupid, immature, and sometimes untrue things about you behind your back? Which face do you look at? Which face do you choose to talk to? How do you fix betrayal? How?

You never know what you’re mind does when you don’t think about something. My mind played a trick on me when I finished my college applications. I had just finished applying to Cal State Long Beach and San Francisco State, and then went on to apply to the UC campuses. However, giving my financial status, I had to pay for each of my applications because, on paper, and according to the government, my family is mildly wealthy (yeah right!). So I had just spent $110 dollars applying to jus two campuses and the UC’s were $60 dollars each, meaning I had limited options. I had narrowed it down to five campuses: L.A., Irvine, Santa Barbara, Riverside, and Berkeley. If you do the math, that would have been $300 in college applications. So I narrowed it down even further to L.A., Santa Barbara, and Berkeley.

I only have five minutes until the bell rings and O had the sudden urge to blog...so forgive me for being brief and obviously ramnbling, but I just wanted to say that this is the best way to get whatever you have on your mind out without fear of what people will say or think...granted people will read what you wirte and react, it will be a delayed action....you have time to prepare before taking a

Right now, I am writing this from a school computer in my zero period classroom. For those who don't know what this is, it's a class early in the morning before first period. At my school, it starts at 6:30 in the morning. I'm looking around the room and I'm realizing that all of these people are sacrificing a great deal to go to college. This is my AVID class. A group of seniors willing to get up and come to school while it's still dark to apply for college in the prescence of a teacher.