estrasser's blog

    Cnn.com reports that the marines at Haditha, Iraq "snapped"  which resulted in the massacre of 24 Iraqi civilians. There is an official investigation occuring, even though it is eight months later. Even though this investigation is garnering a lot of attention by the public and other politicians, I feel that the general attitude regarding the marine's actions there is forgiving and accepting of their actions.  Read More »

I am never getting married. No, this isn't a sappy blog about how no one is ever going to love me and how I convinced myself I am going to end up as the matron with a lot a cats. It's more political than that. Marriage is one of the most flawed institutions in our society that I can think of. If I haven't throughly insulted your values yet, keep reading and I will tell you why.
     First of all, it sets the standard and regularizes the heteronormative culture that excudes people of different sexual orientations that stray from "straight".Marriage practices this exclusivity in many ways. From el presidente trying to legally define it as a commitment between a man and a woman, to having traditons like "kiss the bride" or bachelor parties. If I need to prove my point here further, do a little excercise where you have to write down every question you would have to ask a gay couple about their wedding that you wouldn't have to ask straight people.People who are married also get extra legal benefits that people who are not straight, and therefore can't marry, are denied. Frankly, this seems like discrimination. While I am heterosexual, I find it appalling that most people would be so content with participating in a practice that villanizies and chastizes those who love differently than themselves. But I guess people still say the words "fag" and "retarded", so I can't be so surprised that people are willing to engage in a practice that dehumanizes others.
    Second, marriage is ridicously patriarchial! From its history to its present practice it is pretty dehumanizing to women. Marriage did not start out as a commitment of love, but as a transfer of property to ensure intergenertational social mobility. Future husbands were not only "given" a bride ( who had no choice in the matter) but a dowry as well. Fathers were paying off their future sons in laws to marry their daughters. Daughters are also "given away" by their fathers to their husbands. Symbolically, this represents the daughter no longer needing the protection of her father because she now has the protection of her husband ( whoo-hoo). Women also traditionally take the man's name, which shows his dominance over her, and the man gets to kiss the bride, which is a way of harnessing her sexuality.
    While I know you don't have to have all of these particular components in your marriage, specifcially, I feel that even practicing the institution is confirming its beliefs and underlying messages. Because I am remotely good looking and have an attitude you can learn to love I still have faith that I will meet a man who I can be committed to and possibly we can be a family together but I am never actually getting married. "Living in Sin" sounds cooler anyways.