As I sit here, enduring my 6th feeding of the day, it's very hard for me to believe that in 24 hours I will be in a completely different place. For two and a half months I've been fed properly, therapized, and said the words "I feel" so many fucking times I'm about to eliminate it from my vocabulary.
For as long as I've been at the HG, I've tried to avoid one thing (other than food):
Going to the bathroom at the same time as my therapist.
It's really aggravating when someone just sits there, clearly irritated, and says nothing about it. Maybe that happens a lot in the real world, but here at the HG, I'm so used to processing my damn feelings that if someone is clearly hiding something, it bothers me.
So I kind of accidentally spent a rent's worth of money on a new wardrobe today.
Oops.
But seeing as my mind can rationalize anything, I thought of this:
Having an eating disorder makes you not want to wear form fitting clothes or look in mirrors.
Part of the healing process is WEARING form fitting clothes and LOOKING in mirrors.
Disclaimer:
I was cut off from the world (i.e., the internet) for 2 days, so this is an overdue entry.
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As of today (and yesterday, so at least this has been a constant for 2 days) my “discharge date” is next Saturday. This is because….
…I HAVE SOMEWHERE TO LIVE!!
I swear to God I'm going to be at HG FOREVER.
Today was supposed to be my last day. During "ATTITUDE FOR GRATITUDE!" time during breakfast, people even said "I'm grateful for Angie....etc. etc." which, is obviously true, but no one would say that unless said person was leaving.
So, first off, I MUST thank everyone for all the birthday wishes I received yesterday. I admit, I was very worried about my birthday. I LOVE this day and the thought of not enjoying it was just too much to handle.
Whenever I have a birthday, I always forget I'm a year older and when I'm asked for my age, I always write down the age I was the day before. I don't know if it's weird, but when I was at the gym today, when Mr. Elliptical asked me my age, I thought "Hmm...this is the last time I'll be putting in 18."
