Life History

I remember quite well during my childhood experience, I have a secure attachment towards my mother. When I was an infant, I felt secure and warm under my mother’s care. I felt secure and warm because my mother would always change my diapers and bath me. She would hold me whenever I get hungry or start crying. She fed me with breast milk so I would be healthier. When I was about one, I started to learn how to walk and fell down for many times. I was very lucky that my mother was watching me closely to help me get back up. As I can remember, I cry a lot when I was a baby and she would hold me until I fall asleep. I was once told that I am quite avoidant when other people hold me. I would cry very loud when other people are holding me. I will only stop crying when my mother is holds me in her arms. I think it is because I got used to her smell, which makes me so attached to her. I don’t know what to do or become without her.
I sense as if I were more important than my older sister. I think because I am the youngest in the family so my parents treated me differently. When I was a child, I can get almost anything I desire. I didn’t need to say anything that I love eating junk food. My mother can tell I love junk food so she buys them for me. In the past, I never enjoy eating broccoli and beans until my mother changed me. I didn’t like broccoli and beans because I think it was disgusting at first. I thought that it was unhealthy for me to eat food that doesn’t taste great. She knows I don’t like eating broccoli and beans, but she makes them anyway. Her purpose was to tell me broccoli and beans are good for my health. I didn’t believe her at first but after eating it for a while, my body was much stronger. That was when I started to like eating vegetables and I’ve learned that I have try something first before I can judge it.
At the age of six, I had really bad teeth for eating so many candies. My mother had to take me to the dentist for most of the time. I always wanted to run away when I had to go to the dentist. I can’t stand the pain of going to see the dentist. Each time I try to run away, my mother tells me that I will have ice cream if I go see the dentist. I always fell for that trick even though my mouth is in great pain. I love eating ice cream because it helps reduce the pain in my mouth.
She has never allowed me to go anywhere without her permission. She would always hold my hands tightly to wherever I want to go. When I first attended elementary school, I wasn’t allowed to go to school by myself. Every day my mother would take me to school and bring me back home. I started to become more dependent of her for taking me to school. I do feel safer when she is around, but I hated her for doing always holding my hands. I know she wanted me to be safe by holding my hands tightly, but I don’t like how she always treats me as a child.
I thought about telling at her how I feel, but I know she doesn’t understand me. I know she will not me do things on my own even if I can do it. I think she knows in a way that I am turning more like a grown-up, but she never treats me like one. Perhaps it is because, sometimes I get bullied in school and told her I don’t want to go to school anymore. We talk about almost everything at home. I told her that people always make fun of me because I am Chinese. I felt like crying when I told her that and keep telling her I don’t like school. When I tell her that I don’t want to go to school anymore, she always tells me to ignore those kids at school. I listened to what she have said and ignored those people who tease me. I stood up for myself and not afraid of school as much. I became braver and wiser for not letting others push me around in life. I understand that I don’t have to be afraid of going to school because bullies are everywhere. I thought about my mother’s advice and made a lot of friends in school. I was very happy that I didn’t give up my education for being a weak child.
Although she loves and cares a lot about me, my life is not free. I was not free because my mother was quite demanding. I have always been told what to do in my life. There are many things I was told to do or not do. For instance, my mother always told me not to touch any sharp objects. I could not eat or drink everything I desire. I was often told to eat more nutritious food to grow up strong and healthy. I need to ask for my mother’s permission before I can go anywhere. She always thinks I will get hurt once there is no one is watching me. On the other hand, she is not as worry about my sister. She gave her permission to go anywhere by herself. I was quite angry at her for not allowing me to go anywhere alone, but allowed my sister to do so. I think it is because my sister is older and mature than I was. I remember when I was about six; I was learning how to ride a four-wheel bike. She was quite protective and didn’t want anything to happen to me. Although, riding a four-wheel bike was easy for me, my mother kept a close distance watching me. I hated when someone don’t let me do things on my own.
I can still remember the time when I didn’t know how to tie my shoes correctly. I was a young boy who often asks someone to tie my shoes. When I was about seven, I stopped asking other people to tie my shoes for me. I always remind myself I have to tie my own shoes to let others know I am independent. I don’t want other people laughing at me for not being able to tie my own shoes. As a seven year old boy, I wanted to show my mother that I am not a child anymore. I wanted her to know that I am capable of taking of myself if she is not around. I don’t want to depend on her for the rest of my life.