About Myself: I wanted to be in the field of Psychology since I was in the 11th grade and took my first Psychology course. The joy of thoroughly comprehending a subject without question caused me to gravitate towards this field. I listened and determined that I'd finally arrived. The light bulb was on and a church choir was hitting and holding that one angelic note. This was the subject that sparked a thirst for additional information that I never got from any other class.
My next dilemma was my indecisiveness as to what specialization would be both challenging and rewarding for me. Along with this to occupy my mind, I continued to get a class here and there while starting to raise a family (3 girls, 1 boy and presently 2 grandchildren). It was during my child rearing years that I discovered what made me passionate in the psychology field.
I saw that there was a need, through discussions with females in my family and friends, for more compassion and understanding in the area of domestic violence and abuses of women. The unintentional misguidance, quick answers to complicated situations and self misdirection was placing women in volatile situations with no where to turn. As I comforted, uneducatedly counseled and directed them, I came to some realizations that forced me to confront levels of abuse in my marriage. My little understanding in this field was enough to compel me to leave (2x) and it was long overdue. I lived at a domestic violence shelter twice and finally retained a place for my children and I. My actual experience taught me that these women aren't stupid, unintelligent or feeble minded but a large amount of them had investment in a situation that would never be anything more than abusive and they couldn't let go of their one sided hope, determination and drive to make it work.
I have since graduated from school with a BA in Psychology and feel compelled to go forth and find a way to finance my Master (acts of God would be accepted). I saw similar characteristics in woman of domestic violence and myself that I know I'd be more able to spot. The value to the women of the community with a more advanced level of education and my determination would be a great combination in trying to battle this atrocity being exercised each and every day. Through life's adventures and turmoil’s I recognized that the myth that all people in this situation are ignorant, uneducated or in some way provoking an abuser to action is not true.
Facts: Abuse takes many forms and can happen to anyone. It can occur intermittantly or regularly. You can receive this negative treatment and not fully be aware of what it is until it has become a routine in your life. Age, race, culture, etc. is of no relevance. The oppressor will lead you to believe this is "Love" , that you caused the behavior or that this is a family problem and should not go outside to others. I say tell your family and close friends what is happening. Abusers are not easily spotted. They are friendly and loving. It just takes abusers being stressed out, on drugs or alcohol and having learned this behavior to see it surface sooner or later. They do not take responsibility for what they do and can be women as well as men. There is a cycle (a circular pattern) of behavior that they sometimes follow which includes: Occuring Incident (from important to unimportant events), Tension increasing, making up, and calm. The tactics used are: Intimidation, emotional abuse, isolation, deny/blame/minimizing, using childrren, using privilege, using economic abuse, coercion and threat. This cycle is repetitive in a domestic violence victims life and can occur a few times a year to daily. The calm stage starts to dimish with time. I was told by a DV counselor that it was not my duty to sacrifice myself in order to make my husband understand and change. I didn't have to stay in terror while my children watched so that to the outside world we could tell the masses - "See we are not statistics, we are together". I was told I didn't have enough psychiatric education and it wasn't my responsibility to change a grown up already taught his social skills but I had a responsibility to my children that by staying in this situation, was doing them a great disservice. On leaving you will need a plan and to do some research. There are shelters (and they are not as bad as you see them portrayed on TV plus you are not going to live there forever, just till part Two of your plan is in place). Read all you can and get as much information from all sources. Gain internal strength by preparing not to take it anymore.
I left my home for the first time with $50 in my account, due to the programs that were available at that time I returned after 3 months. After 2 more years I left again with minus $41 in my account and I haven't been back since in that capacity of wife. I have also achieved my BA in Psychology and my kids are healthy and well. My final thought is you should: Decide, Plan, and Leave. I hope this helps somebody, somewhere.
pretty good blog might I add as well most woman who get into relationships and stay where there is some form of domestic violence rather it be sexual,verbal, and/or physical become brainwashed after a period of time. I have been through all three with my ex bf. By them isolating you you feel they are the only ones who really "care" about you. It's just so sick.
On a further note I am glad you are out of your situation. Depending on the situation I know how hard they can be to get out of. some woman infact don't get out of them alive which is very heartbreaking.