You know, it's an amazing thing to look back over the years and realize just how much you have changed. Some things are for the better and some are for the worse. Not to mention there's no better wake up call then when an old friend comes up to you and informs you that they remember when you said you would never
.
When I was in middle school / the first semester of high school I hung out with the same group of people every day. I was the 'Christian' of the group and they all knew it. I always talked about how I didn't even want to hold hands with a guy until I was engaged let a lone kiss a guy until I was married. The thing was, I seriously thought I could handle that! I really did. Not to mention I actually kept up with that until I turned 19.
I met this guy one night at swing dancing and we hit it off. We started hanging out and talking all the time. I would go to Karaoke and other places just to hang out with him. Well, we both knew we liked each other and what not and one night while he was drunk he kissed me (A very disgusting kiss by the way...) and then the next day told me we would never be more then just friends! I was upset. I mean, that was my FIRST kiss.
Well, I am now dating a guy who is... amazingly... my first boyfriend. He is not only my first boyfriend but he is also my first in a lot of things. I found that in the moment of things it wasn't easy to just "Stop" like people say it is. It isn't until later that you realize what has happened. But once you've gone to far you've gone to far.
I had confided in a close friend of mine about what had happened and they got really upset with me... offering to throw me an "I'm not a virgin party" and saying really rude things to me... and he might as well have called me a slut. Why don't you kick me when I'm down?
Anyways, I had thought I was pregnant (which scared the crap out of me...) The thing is... I am currently residing in the Philippines. I moved here at the beginning of July to teach at a school and I left my boyfriend back in the states. I came here not knowing if I was pregnant or not. I was scared! The idea of being pregnant, alone, and in a foreign country scared me. I was talking to a friend of mine about it (One of my friends that I mentioned at the beginning of this blog...) and she was telling me how a lot of my friends had children already or were pregnant!
She then says to me "Yeah, I remember when you used to say you would never do anything until you were married."
What a reminder.
I, like you, was always the "Christian" in the group.
as a little girl, I thought you weren't "allowed" to kiss until you were married. but I grew up and found out otherwise.
I had my first kiss when I was sixteen. the next day, the boy blew me off like nothing ever happened because he knew I wouldn't go any further. he ended up with a real slut.
I swore I'd never have sex until I was married.
a few years ago, I dated a man I had absolutely no business dating. he was much older than me, and he wanted me for all the wrong reasons.
he sexually assaulted me.
I was barely nineteen.
I got out of that relationship and didn't tell a soul for the longest time, about what happened to me.
just a little over a year ago, I met this incredible man, and we started dating.
unfortunately, I was pretty screwed up when it came to relationships and intimacy, but I let him know about what happened to me.
he understood and respected that.
six months into our relationship, I was in a place where I trusted him with my life, and I loved him. not like when you're in high school and you say you "love" a boy.
I loved him. with my whole heart.
one night, one thing led to another and we ended up having sex.
not married.
the ONE thing I said I'd "never" do... I did.
but you know what? I don't regret it.
the only thing I regret is that I lie to my best friend, because it would KILL her to know that I gave in.
and then she would probably kill me. ha!
but my point is-- if it was something you wanted, and it's something that you don't regret, then don't let what other people have to say about it get to you.
so you slept with one man... that does NOT make you a slut. :)
I know it doesn't make me a "slut". I am in love with this man... It was just such a ... er.. powerful reminder. Ya' know?