Stand and Deliver Your Money or Your Life

A few thoughts on just my situation on life, I guess. You never really think about "growing up" until you have to actually do it, do you? I mean, you know that you'll have to grow up some day and you know as you approach the end of high school that that "some day" is coming up fast...And then it jumps on you from behind and covers your eyes. Now suddenly you're having to stumble around with your eyes covered, just trying to focus on getting your bearings and not tripping over things. Since your eyes are covered, you're panicking coz you don't realize that everyone else has their eyes covered, too, so now you're thinking you're the only one who looks like a fool and doesn't know what's going on. Simultaneously, not only are you worried about looking like a fool in front of everyone you know and love, everyone who's ever had confidence in you, but you're also worried about going to college and getting a job and all doing it with that brand new shiny grown-up finesse.
And then there's the difference between being a grown-up and being an adult. I don't believe in being a grown-up, quite frankly. Sure, grown-ups always have plenty of money and the 2.4 kids with the minivan and two dogs and a goldfish. Grown-ups live in suburbia and have a normal, well paying six-digit-figure-a-year job...But how happy are they? I mean really? Is a grown-up able to enjoy ice cream or stars? I know that anyone can eat ice cream and anyone can look at stars...but can a grown-up truly appreciate taste of a good, creamy mint chocolate chip ice cream? I mean the green stuff, none of this white "all natural" mint extract weirdness. Can a grown-up sit on their roof or their lawn and stare at the same stars for hours until they feel so tiny they finally grasp how much of a miracle it is they even exist at all? Can a grown-up read fantasy fiction? Can they be passionate about something?
Adults can, I think. Adults are really just kids who realized they had to assume responsibility for themselves and/or their family. Adults, I believe, realize that growing older is neccessary, but growing up isn't. They get the stars...how every time you look up into a pin-pricked night sky you look up into infinity, into oblivion. Last night, I made a fort with my neighbor, you know the ones you make in the living room when you're a kid? It was one of those; with the couch and all the blankets and pillows we had and the vacuum as a support pole and yarn. We stayed up all night eating Lucky Charms and watching cartoons and The Muppet Show...I think adults can do that, but grown-ups probably can't.
The trouble with being an adult as opposed to a grown-up is...Well, grown-ups seem more financially successful, don't they? Generally speaking, that is. I know plenty of grown-ups who aren't, but the majority of them seem to be. So really, right after high school at this cross-roads where I am right now, there's responsibility wherever I look. The trouble is choosing whether to go down the "adult" path or the "grown-up" path. I choose the "adult" path, I can be broke (most likely anyway, since I want to be a teacher) and happy, or I can be financially successful and...think that it makes me happy. So comes into question true happiness: what is it and what's its value?
Well...I clearly think happiness is what you make it, but my happiness isn't the same as your happiness, which isn't the same as happiness to that guy over there. So if being a grown-up is what makes you happy, then who am I to interfere, hey? But to you grown-ups I do have to point out one thing: in the end comes the demand. "Stand and deliver your money or your life"...which do you want to be more valuable?

~Pip

"Stand and deliver your money or your life" aren't mine, they're lyrics from Adam Ant's "Stand and Deliver."
~P