Hey Everybody! Again Progressive U has screwed up....no offense!

Well i had to kill my other alter ego becaus i couldnt log back on again because of the capital letters in the name! so i'm decidin to get a little smarter and not put any capitals in the name this time so hopefully this alter ego will survive my murderous rampage! I've grown a little as a person i think since i last blogged, I've realized that when it comes to certain things that its okay to have walls with doors and keys to those doors that lock! lol but anyway i figure i need to stop being inside my head so much because while i'm in my head there are people who are living their lives and i'm sitting here figuring out why i'm still single, still a virgin, and still falling in "love" with some guy i work with. I took a step back and looked at myself and i also realized that I have a great body (not to sound cocky) but i had horrible self-esteem and i'm not saying that its all good and dandy now i'm still working on it, but at the same time i think that those people out there who made me feel like s*** aren't that important to me and whats going on in my life! Why did i think that i was falling in love with a guy at work i mean we see each other a max of ten hours a week, if that! and he's moved on so many times and i like a fool have just hoped that he secretly loved/liked me! what is that about? i mean i think no matter how shy a person is (including myself) that you should attempt to tell a person how you feel. but with him (lets call him rusty (off of Greek love that show lol)) i dont feel any pressure, basically with rusty i feel all the things i would hope to feel with a boyfriend, excited nervous, happy, silly flirty and a lot of other things at the smae time, but that would mean that all my fantasies would come true and that's not the case. Now it may same melodramatic but i have to take it one day at a time to TRULY get over him, it may seem that unrequited (love/like) is not hard to get over but it is, i think that should be my profession falling that guy that isnt looking for more than a friendship. But i ask you this, isnt Rusty a little wrong. I mean he flirts with me the entire time were around each other, we talk about everything and nothing, he notices these little things about me that no other guy i work with notices and he calls me on it, which is pretty embarrassing but funny at the same time, and we act like a couple at work, in fact people call me his girlfriend but it pulls at my heart strings every time that is said. So can there be a little blame on Rusty, I mean yes it is mainly my fault because well i just put my foot out on the branch and thought he was going to catch me but as i'm falling (and this is a monumental size tree i mean like halfway through the galaxy height) i still think that he is going to catch me and i'm getting closer and closer to the ground i realize that he put a mattress there and went to get ice cream with another girl. I still haven't reached the ground just yet, I'm still in the galaxy in outer space still falling but everyday i see him i see something that helps me get over him and i also see something that makes me like him more it's a never ending battle where i fall and then i see that one thing that makes me like him and then i get yoinked back up into outer space i've been that way for almost two years, but i'm closer to the ground than i've been in a long time, i just hope i get there before i truly fall for him. WISH ME LUCK!