I'm not a person of faith. At least not in the religious sense. I have faith in my family, faith in me (most of the time), and in my friends. Faith in an all knowing and powerful god? Not so much...
However, there are times that I wish I did.
You see, I come from a very religious family. Anything you want or need, you ask God first. Someone's sick, let's all pray. Someone achieved something, we were praying for it. Someone died, they're with God now. We are eating, because God blessed us.
Any mundane explanation (and in my mind logical) has to be backed up by a supernatural one (God).
I remember that my sister in law was unable to have kids a couple of years ago. My mom and my sisters were talking about how they had to pray to God and ask for her to be blessed with children so, in turn, the family would be blessed too.
It turned out that my sister in law had something in her tubes and had to go into hormone treatment. Ten months or so after the start of the treatment, my nephew was born.
I had told my sister, that I was an Agnostic. Basically implying, in a very mean way (I was mad at her), that if I didn't have logic or science I would definitely believe and have faith in God. She looked at me and cried. She said how could I not believe in God when he blessed us with our nephew? I said that I was thankful to the scientists that studied hormone treatment and the doctor that treated her and the nurses that helped him be delivered (complicated pregnancy). Then, she asked me about who would have bestowed the intelligence to the doctors or the patience and caring of the nurses if not God? I said, in a very cynical way, their parents, their family, their genetics.
This was three years ago and I remember it all too clearly. It's always bothered me that I can't have their faith. And, I must admit that sometimes I feel jealous of them. I've found that in my position, being an Agnostic is lonely. Sometimes I find myself thinking I should pray, for whatever reason (a final, somebody I care about is in the hospital, or whatever) and then just laugh at myself for thinking it. Then I realize why people need faith. It is a lonely world. It is nice to know that there is someone out there who will hear you out and make (or rather allow) your dreams to come true.
When my grandmother died this summer of 2008, I couldn't find comforting words. It was impossible for me to come up with something nice to say to my family. So, I just heard them.
Recently my uncle got really sick. My cousin put a status update on facebook asking us to pray for him, and I couldn't. I don't have that faith. So, I sent him a message. But, what should I say? I just wrote two sentences. "My thoughts are with you. Don't lose your faith in God."
Am I being a hypocrite? Maybe... Maybe not... I know how important faith is to people. You hold on to it, it keeps you company, it makes you feel secure and it helps you keep hope. Why should I take it away from someone else who can enjoy it and be happy?
As fate would have it, or maybe God? *insert sarcastic tone*, I ended up not only questioning faith and what I was raised to believe, but my understanding of what I am. I've said that I'm an Agnostic. Meh...
I don't think there is a god, but I have no proof for either way. I can't say there is no god with logical reasons, just as I can't say there is a god with logical reasons. Although as darwins beagle posited in his blog: There is no proof of a god in the natural world. So, even if there is one roaming some part of the universe, it doesn't matter how much faith I have in his existence, his existence is completely tangential to me.
I remember I went through a period of deism all through my teen years. I kept thinking that there had to be something out there, but not like what is taught through organized religion. And, honestly, it's the old tiring argument of: if he's a loving, caring and intervening god, why is he letting things get out of control? Unless, of course, he's not an all powerful being who is omniscient and all knowing!
I ended up reading this book called The Lost Continent by the, now, Sir Terry Pratchett. It reads...
He was an omnipresent god, although only in a small area. And he was omnicognizant, but just enough to know that while he did indeed know everything, it wasn't the whole Everything, just the part of it that applied to his island...
...Even so, he allowed himself a little smirk of pride. Two hours between the one called the Dean dying for a smoke and the bush evolving, growing and fruiting its first nicotine-laden crop. That was evolution in action
Trouble was, now they'd start poking around and asking questions.
The god, almost alone among gods, thought questions were a good thing. He was in fact committed to people questioning assumptions, throwing aside old superstitions, breaking the shackles of irrational prejudice and, in short, exercising their brains their god had given them, except of course they hadn't been given them by any god, lord knows, so what they really ought to do was exercise those brains developed over millenia in response to the external stimuli and the need to control those hands with their opposable thumbs, another good damn idea that he was very proud of. Or would have been, of course, if he existed.
In all honesty, when I read this, his going back and forth between the existance of this character god and his acknowledgement of his non existance made me feel like I wasn't alone in this tap dance.
I ended up googling today, which of course takes me to Wikipedia and I found that there people speak about actual types of agnosticism
Agnosticism can be subdivided into several subcategories. Recently suggested variations include:
Strong agnosticism (also called "hard," "closed," "strict," or "absolute agnosticism")
”the view that the question of the existence or nonexistence of a deity or deities and the nature of ultimate reality is unknowable by reason of our natural inability to verify any experience with anything but another subjective experience. A strong agnostic would say, "I cannot know whether a deity exists or not, and neither can you."
Weak agnosticism (also called "soft," "open," "empirical," or "temporal agnosticism")
”the view that the existence or nonexistence of any deities is currently unknown but is not necessarily unknowable, therefore one will withhold judgment until/if any evidence is available. A weak agnostic would say, "I don't know whether any deities exist or not, but maybe one day when there is more evidence we can find something out."
These first two, Strong and Weak Agnosticism, seem to be very much like what I've come to know as just Agnosticism.
Apathetic agnosticism (also called Pragmatic agnosticism)
”the view that there is no proof of either the existence or nonexistence of any deity, but since any deity that may exist appears unconcerned for the universe or the welfare of its inhabitants, the question is largely academic.
Seems to be bordering on Deism.
Agnostic atheism
”the view of those who do not claim to know of the existence of any deity, and do not believe in any.
Seems to be more Atheism than agnosticism. I could be wrong.
Agnostic theism (also called "religious" or "spiritual agnosticism")
”the view of those who do not claim to know of the existence of any deity, but still believe in such an existence. Kierkegaard believed that knowledge of any deity is impossible, and because of that people who want to be theists must believe: "If I am capable of grasping God objectively, I do not believe, but precisely because I cannot do this I must believe."
Not sure on what to think on this one. It seems to just take faith over knowledge, and that's understandable, to some extent. But then, I can believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny and have faith in them, but that doesn't make them any more true or any less true. So, why are we even talking about it?
Ignosticism
"the view that a coherent definition of a deity must be put forward before the question of the existence of a deity can be meaningfully discussed. If the chosen definition isn't coherent, the ignostic holds the noncognitivist view that the existence of a deity is meaningless or empirically untestable. A.J. Ayer, Theodore Drange, and other philosophers see both atheism and agnosticism as incompatible with ignosticism on the grounds that atheism and agnosticism accept "a deity exists" as a meaningful proposition which can be argued for or against. An ignostic cannot even say whether he/she is a theist or a nontheist until a better definition of theism is put forth.
This seems to want to focus on semantics to avoid tackling the issue, so I don't think it applies to this discussion. Only included it since it was in the wiki article.
Oh wait, there is a discussion here? I better get to it, huh?
I thought I was bordering on deism once again. But, I think it had a lot to do with the fact that I find myself at odds with accepting that I might just be alone in the universe. To me, it is not a scary thought but it is a very very sad one. No faith and no hope can make us bitter, and I see myself heading that direction. I don't want that. But then again, if this god, whoever s/he is, that is somewhere out there has nothing to do with me and with who I am, then why believe in it? How is that helping me? If at all...
I took a class of Ecology of Religion: Priestly and Imperial Societies, and I was surrounded by people that were atheists. It's really interesting how Archaeologists are mostly atheists, agnostics or deists, and in part devote their lives to study and understand religion. Those who can't do teach, those who can't believe study religion?
Well, you become mesmerized by it. You can't understand it. How can they have faith in nothingness? How can religion become so embedded in people's lives? Why? Why people kill for religion? Why people prefer to have a curtain over their brains and not even think for themselves?
This is not even something that is a new phenomenon, it goes back for thousands of years.
Overall, I like your blog. I just wish you didn't feel so much like an outcast because of you're disbelief. It pains me to know that someone is suffering for wanting to know the truth, whether one may believe it is religion or not.
I just have 3 point's to make on this.
Agnostic atheism
”the view of those who do not claim to know of the existence of any deity, and do not believe in any.
Seems to be more Atheism than agnosticism. I could be wrong.
In fact most atheists ARE agnostic.
theism/atheism is asking the question whether you believe or not.
gnosticism/agnosticism is asking whether you know or not.
gnostic means possessing knowledge.
Just as I do not claim to know of the existence of a deity, or lack thereof, and simply live my life presuming that none exist, so do most other atheists.
No faith and no hope can make us bitter...
I don't see it like that at all. I now feel that I can live my life, and make my choices as I see fit; doing the right thing, not because of fear of damnation or to try to get to heaven, but because I know that it is the right thing to do, and will make me feel satisfied with my life and actions. I hope you can see the good in whatever you chose to believe.
and finally,
I took a class of Ecology of Religion: Priestly and Imperial Societies, and I was surrounded by people that were atheists. It's really interesting how Archaeologists are mostly atheists, agnostics or deists, and in part devote their lives to study and understand religion. Those who can't do teach, those who can't believe study religion?
I am also planning on taking classes on religion. I feel proud of my atheism, and yes once in a long while I will doubt myself. It's when I go back and look at religion again that I regain my confidence. I want to learn about all religions, both ancient and modern, to further strengthen my understanding of my own philosophy.
...you must remember that religion is an early form of philosophy, that the first attempts to explain the universe, to give a coherent frame of reference to man's life and a code of moral values, were made by religion, before men graduated or developed enough to have philosophy. -Ayn Rand
Most of the time I haven't felt bitter or alone. But being surrounded by people that are very religious tends to have that effect on me.
I find it funny that in my family sphere I can easily feel like I'm not a person of faith, despite of how else I feel. And then, on my professional sphere, I feel like I'm more spiritual or more in touch with why people would chose to have faith.
I wrote this originally almost a year ago, edited it again a couple of months ago, and re-edited it yesterday. I can honestly say, I know I don't have that faith and currently I don't feel less or more because of it.
This class of Ecology of Religion was quite powerful with many of the readings. It does help to understand people's beliefs and the reasons (or unreasonings) of what they do.
There's a good book by a guy called Atran "In Gods We Trust". It can be a little bit too dense, but it brings many interesting perspectives on the evolution of religion in the world. It's from a cognitive psychology perspective.
thanks for being my first comment :)
Archaeoalon
My entire family is very openly religious. Even this 4th of July, we had a family reunion and everyone gathered to say prayers. I really felt left out.
I still haven't told any of my family that I'm atheist, but all my friends know. Hell, I even have crosses in my room to throw my mom off.
Don't get me wrong, my mom is an extremely understanding person, but I just don't want her to worry about me; especially for something I would consider meaningless. I still keep my ideas and morals close to me.
I completely understand you. My parents know that I don't believe. And, my dad, being a deist, has a better time understanding. My mom goes back and forth on the "being understanding" scale.
Although, as far as most of the rest of my family goes (I come from a very close, very nosy family), my mom asked me not to tell them I was an Agnostic.
When I put on my facebook profile that I thought the egg is before the chicken (making an allusion that evolution occurs in the womb and not in the live species), I had to explain to some of my cousins how not only did I believe in evolution, but that to me that is the truth.
That's when all the worms came out of the can! Oh well... I'm not going to lie about this, it is not in my nature to do so.