Societal Values Have Changed Drastically

I remember when I was sixteen I was dating my first serious boyfriend. I viewed a relationship as something personal and something that signified respect between two people. My mom was furious that I was serious about someone at sixteen...she told me I should "play the field" until 25 and not get too attached to anyone. Despite my misgivings about this mindset, I gave it a go my freshman year of college. I would go out with one guy one weekend, and another the next. There was no commitment, no promises, nothing. At the end of the day, one or both of us ultimately ended up getting hurt but were simply too jaded to show it. By the end of my freshman year, I hated who I had become. I had deceived and hurt a lot of potentially nice people because I refused to see them as more than a "for the moment" type guy. I remember talking to one of the boys I went out with earlier this year and apologizing to him for my actions. "I wasn't myself...I degraded you and treated you like you weren't a person. I am really sorry and I hated who I had become" I told him. He understood and said far too many girls had done the same thing to him over the years. It got me thinking...if I hadn't met my now fiance and gotten the wake-up call I needed, who would I have become? My mom told me once about "what men are good for". She had been dating a really sweet guy for 4 years and broke up with him right before college because he wasn't good enough for her. She packed all of her things and drove up to her school only to find she had left some clothes behind...so she called her ex and made him drive 3 hours to bring her her things! When he got there and helped her move in, she told him he needed to go ahead and leave because she had a date later that night and she had to get ready! It broke my heart hearing that story, and I asked her if she ever felt bad for doing it. "No," she replied "I was young then and he got over it". I'm afraid to think how close I was to viewing men like that. I met my fiance my junior year and for the first six months we dated, I had a wall up. I couldn't confide in him, tell him I loved him, or make him feel as special as he made me feel. It was sad and I could tell it hurt him, but he knew there was more to me than that. He told me later that he could see glimmers of my personality behind my stoic exterior and he wanted to see the real person underneath. I owe a lot to him. I am happy now...I am not afraid to express myself, to get angry, be silly, or cry in front of him. When we spend our whole lives learning the ins and outs of the dating game, we become closed off. It is simple self-preservation. Those walls grow and grow the more failed romances, sexual encounters and deceitful relationships we have. I only dated around for a year and it has taken my fiance nearly two years to help me get back to who I once was. Society seems to advocate meaningless relationships more than something serious. When I told my mom about the 7 dates I had lined up, she called my entire family BRAGGING about it as if I were getting married...but now that I really AM getting married, she acts ashamed and disappointed!