I really feel for mothers and fathers like Madeline Primoff, Darlene Ong [1], or even mai Mom and Dad who have felt the need to put an underage child out the car to walk home for misbehavior. I feel for mothers like Primoff who have been JAILED for such action.
First and foremost, DONT MAKE EMPTY THREATS. Do what you say you are going to do, or don't say it. This is the only way threats like "Don't make me pull this car over" are ever actually going to be effective. If you’ve set a history with other things that you do what you say.
This issue has come to light in the news recently because Primoff and her mother were in the car when they put out her 10 and 12 year old daughters for 'acting out'. The mother was trying to teach the girls that if they behave badly, then they will have to suffer in a way that they wont like. Primoff (or her lawyer rather) said that she and her mother dropped the girls off on the street, drove around the block, and when they came back to retrieve them, the older girl was there, but the 10 year old was missing! Apparently, a passerby took the 10 yr old for ice cream and then dropped her off with a police officer. (Thank you passerby for not being a crazy person. I hope Primoff is thanking God for that.) Primoff called to report her daughter missing and when she arrived at the precinct to pick her up, Primoff was arrested and jailed overnight for abandoning the child.
Ok, wow this is 'Get your ass out the car' gone WRONG, terribly, terribly wrong. Could I ever image making my child walk home for bad behavior? HELL YEAH! Would I ever make mai child think that I was going to leave them somewhere they didn't know and where they couldn't get home from... NO! Inducing abandonment issues shouldn't be the goal Mom. ABC News didn't make it clear as to if the girls were dropped off at a place they knew and could possibly get home from.
Factors have to be taken in to consideration to effectively enact ‘Get your ass out the car’. (This tactic was supported by the ‘expert’ on ABC News though she said you should drive alongside the child as they walked.) If you think there's a possibility you would enact this sort of disciplinary action on your child, why wouldn't you have a premeditated game plan?
Factor Q: Number of offending children? There is strength in numbers. I'd be more likely to drop off 4 children than 2.
Factor X: Will the children stay with each other if I drop them off? 'Get your ass out the car and you better not come home without your baby sister or this will seem like a walk in the park!" Obviously Primoff didn't think that one thru. I can't believe her 12 year old let the 10 year old go off on her own. I know families, where even if you are fighting, the parents have set up a system whereas the older siblings know they are responsible for the younger ones. I mean lets keep in mind, 12 is babysitting age!
Factor Y: What’s the weather like? What time of day is it? Are the children dressed appropriately?
Factor Z: Do the kids know the area? Do you as a parent know the area? How long will it take them to get home or to their destination? In mai childhood neighborhood I could ride mai bike to the park that was 15min away. I could've walked from there if I was interested in exercising. So dropping a 12 yr old there in daylight to walk home could be totally appropriate behavior. Also, I grew up in a rural country community, I wouldn’t drop a kid off on Skid Row in LA even if it was a short 45min walk to mai front door.
I think making children walk home can be a useful tool if it’s not used in the heat of the moment. That’s where this situation went wrong. If Primoff would have thought out the situation she probably wouldn't be in such hot water. I dont disagree with the practice totally, but I do think the way Primoff went about it was irresponsible. I mean, a passerby picked her child up! Thank God the ice cream wasn't drugged and she was delivered to an officer... but it could have just as easily gone another way. 'Get your ass out the car and walk home’ can only be enacted when the risks have been calculated and its used as a teaching and discipline method not as an unthought about whim the parent goes on. Each situation is different, so assess your situation before you enact this, but there IS a place for it. If they piss you off 25 miles from home, wait till you are 4 miles from home, and make em walk if the factors line up. ‘That’s right Billy, you’re ass was made for walkin’, so that just what your bad ass is gonna do. I love you, see you when you get home’
1. ABC News
Tags/Topics: children, discipline, parenting, jail, Madeline Primoff, walking home, family
to use the term "ass" when addressing children.
I also fail to see how this kind of disciplinary tactic would accomplish anything more than establishing parental dominance, and probable humiliation, especially if the parent chose to do it the right way, driving alongside the child. What was the reasoning the experts at ABC gave?
If you like this post, please tip me. All tips will be forwarded to ProgressiveU.org. Keep the site alive!
ABC reports here that the mother made the children run to catch up with her, which the 12-year-old was able to do. This is when the children became separated. The article also says that they were dropped off in a populated business district which was less populated than usual because it was not a business day.
In my opinion, this woman is getting off EASY if all she is changed with is abandonment and/or child endangerment. It is RIDICULOUS to think that a 10 or 12-year-old child is "safe" when dropped off in a strange neighborhood and left to fend for themselves. Ms. Primoff is LUCY that the person who found her 10-year-old child was motivated by kindness instead of something else.
Now, don't get me wrong. People snap and have lapses in judgment, and that includes parents. However, when you are responsible for the welfare of a minor child, you don't really have the luxury of freaking out and abandoning your children and your responsibilities to them. That's why it is a crime to abandon or recklessly enraged the welfare of your kids. Can we sympathize with Ms. Primoff's situation? Sure...anyone with experience raising, caring for or working with children knows how difficult it can be to control a child who is acting out. But the bottom line is that if YOU are the ADULT then it is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to find a way to CARE FOR THOSE CHILDREN in a safe and responsible manner. While I am willing to accept that it was not her INTENTION, the bottom line is that this mother failed to live up to her responsibilities and endangered her children.
TTFN,
Blackout
---
A question of love.
---
Check out Progressive PRIDE, a Gay-Straight Alliance for the Progressive U community.
Ann Pleshette Murphy a GMA (Good Morning America- I assum) Parenting Contributor recommends making your child walk as you drive alongside them (which I think slightly defeats the purpose, but not completely, by putting too much attention on the parent in the car as it crawls alongside the child, the child needs time to think about what they've done and why they are walking, not be distracted) if you plan on using this form of discipline. Hear her advice on this topic at:
http://abcnews.go.com/Video/playerIndex?id=7415929 "Bickering Kids Test Mother's Patience"
ALSO AT
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/story?id=7414322&page=1 "When Moms Are Pushed Too Far"
The second one says
Quote:
While the 12-year-old was able to run and catch up with Primoff's car and catch a ride home -- an approximately three-mile trip -- her younger sister wasn't so lucky.
After this statement however, they dont say "according to police" as they do with other 'facts'. Directly next to this short blurb article is a video stating that according to Primoff's lawyer (Primoff and her husband are also both lawyers) she dropped the kids off, drove around the block, and came back to get them. Both those scenarios didn't occur... something is wrong with one, the other, or both. The articles also says she dropped the girls off in downtown White Plains, NY. But fails to say if it was familiar territory to the family or how populated the downtown area was at the time.
PS I believe her name is spelled Madelyn not Madeline. C'est le francais dans moi.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/mai
Peace & Blessings
***Edited HTML Tags on 04/29/2009 ~ Blackout.***
...who could be dropped in a city 3 miles from their house who would be able to reliably find their way home. As for the descripany in the stories as to exactly what the mother did, one thing is clear...she dropped off the kids and lost site of them for long enough that she was not able after the fact to find the younger child. Whether she circled around the block or waited for them to catch up isn't really relevant. This lost the ability to monitor the kids when she dropped them off and drove away out of sight.
No matter how you, she or her lawyer try to dance around the subject...it was a STUPID and IRRESPONSIBLE thing to do. Unfortunately for the "mom," its also CRIMINAL, and now she has to face the music for abandoning her kids.
TTFN,
Blackout
---
A question of love.
---
Check out Progressive PRIDE, a Gay-Straight Alliance for the Progressive U community.
did not recommend this disciplinary tactic, at least not in the footage you shared. She said it was *not* the appropriate thing to do "unless you are maybe one block from home and driving alongside the child," She did recommend instead that mothers (I am sure she would include fathers if asked) should calm themselves down before getting into a car with kids, especially if they had a bad day, and that measures should be taken before getting into the car to make clear expectations to the children. This is sound advice, as far as I am concerned. Nowhere did she refer to any potential benefit of making children get out of a car to walk under any circumstances. Her qualification simply addressed the most apparent safety issues, and she gave a suggestion about how to do the not recommended action safely.
Also, your quote "Get your ASS OUT the car," is yours alone, and no one else's. Not even the mother in question used that kind of language, at least not to anyone's knowledge. Instead, the plethora of other bloggers and commentators have the words, "Get out of the car" in quotes, and do not include your choice expletives.
Personally, if I were in the situation, I would pull over, and get out of the car myself, and tell the kids we weren't going anywhere until they knock it off. Deep breathing fresh air is a very effective coping skill.
If you like this post, please tip me. All tips will be forwarded to ProgressiveU.org. Keep the site alive!
Ms. Murphy talked about the power of anger and the neurological effect it has, which drowns out good judgment and decision making. People with anger issues should not have children.
If you like this post, please tip me. All tips will be forwarded to ProgressiveU.org. Keep the site alive!