I am getting married in three months and will be 20 years old on my wedding day. My parents raised me to believe that marriages would only work if you waited until at least 25 to be married...and in their case, that probably was the decision that was best. What frustrates me the most is that it is assumed that their way is the ONLY way. My fiance's parents were married at 18 and are still happily married to this day with five wonderful children, yet their story is considered an oddity. I believe that the 50% divorce rate is caused by couples who make their marriage vows yet don't realize what keeping them means at times. Certainly, there are cases in which divorce is more than warranted. My aunt, for example, had an extremely emotionally abusive husband who kept her shut in for years. Their divorce was not only warranted, it was necessary for her mental well-being.
I am just tired of people who have their "lives all figured out" telling me that my choice is wrong. I do not have much in common with a vast majority of my peers, and my fiance is four years older than me and ready to commit. I think marriage success is based more on compatibility, maturity, and willingness to make the relationship work from both partners than age.
For example, it would be easy to give up when my fiance and I get into a big fight...just call it quits and take the easy way out. Instead, we have made a pact to always apologize before things get out of hand. And for the most part, we have stayed true to that promise. We avoid low-blows and verbal abuse, which are no good for anyone. It is important to be open about conduct within the relationship...what is considered ok and what is crossing the line. It is also necessary to be willing to talk about the ugly and complicated things, like how your finances are going to be divided, what you would do if one of you were out of work, who takes care of the kids (when kids eventually come) when the other is working.
Young marriages can be beneficial for couples who are ready for them...the increased responsibility at home can leak over to work and school. The emotional support that comes from a truly compatible partner can greatly relieve the angst that can come with growing up. Also, the bond of a marriage will be strong and securely founded by the time you decide to start a family (if you decide to wait).
A good policy is that just because your way worked for you doesn't mean that your way is the only way that will work period. My parents were not ready to settle down at my age....they both wanted to be single, and spend their time with their friends. I understand their position and hope one day they can see that while mine may be different, it is not wrong.
I was married at 18 and have been happily married for almost three years now.
I find it increasingly patronizing when I tell people this because everyone reacts with something along the lines of "but you're just a baby!" because all they see is the chronological age and immediately think it's "too young" (I've always been mentally/emotionally several years older than my physical age). Frankly, it's up to the individual and what they're prepared for.
I am treated as evil by people who claim that they are being oppressed because they are not allowed to force me to practice what they do. ~D. Dale Gulledge
You are old enough to make your own decisions. There are just as many people who get married after they turn 25 who get divorced. You've clearly shown that you understand how to make relationships work, and if you and your fiance think you are both ready to be married then that is all that matters. People will always assume that the way they have lived their life is the way everyone should. The only thing you can do is continue to live your life how you want to and ignore their opinions. Older does not always equal wiser. Good luck with everything and congratulations on your engagement!
congrats on your impending nuptials! Getting married is a blessed time! Mai husband was 3 weeks shy of turning 20 and I was 21 years ole when we got married. Next month we celebrate 5 years of marriage. Its funny, now i get "oh wow you guys are young" "aww u guys are just babes" but before we got married i didnt hear too much nay-saying, but thats prolly cuz i wasn't listening for it...
i dont think age depicts how a marriage will succeed for falter, ebb and flow as much as the individual... your marriage is wut you all make it
I'm GLAD you realize it wont always be easy, marriage shouldn't be stepped into unless both parties realize that its an unconditional (save examples of infidelity and abuse) arraignment
You didnt ask for it, but i'd like to give you a little advice. Determine what your expectations for each other are, and if they are suitable, also keep in mind that this expectations are likely to change. Remember that you are a partnership, he is going to NEED you, and not in just a companionship/romantic way, but in a 'you help me survive life/practical' short of way, and finally remember that because you guys are 'young' you both will grow up together. mai hub and i learned to change a tire at the same time, learned to change a car battery, etc... the person you marry today is going to be a totally 'relatively' different person in several years time...
if you are interested i wrote a blog on marriage called "I Do" Marriage 101, check it out: http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/50838-i-do-marriage-101
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http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/mai
Peace & Blessings
I just met a lady that was married at 16... SHe said she was glad tomarry that early because they were able to grow together and bond over the last 60 something years. SHe is still devoted from what I can tell. Overall , this growing TOGETHER is what its about... that and communicating honestly together.
Good luck
There are very few human beings who receive the truth, complete and staggering, by instant illumination. Most of them acquire it fragment by fragment, on a small scale, by successive developments, cellularly, like a laborious mosaic.~- Anais Nin