Ok .. I left everything I know to be with the man I love, who I married..he is in the coast guard and I would give up everything for him, which I did..my family, good job, friends and now I'm alone in a town where its not easy to meet people and impossible to find a job. my husband is barely home, people have tried to break in to my house when he's gone, he doesn't really seem to care that much. he comes home from work, watches TV and eats. He used to cuddle and stuff after but now he's just tired. He gets to spend all this time with friends at work and I'm home alone with my kids and just a house to clean but I can only do that so many times a day. I feel like he doesn't enjoy his time with me anymore, I ask him if he loves me and he says yeah but I'm unsure of that by the expression on his face. I don't know if its because we are so young and he's just not mature or what but for all you ladies with men in the military I think this is the deal...
our men spend a long day at work, they are being social all day while we are alone. They are tired when they get home and want to be alone while we are wired up and can't wait to talk to someone and its annoying to both people because they have all been waiting for opposite things when he gets home. I don't think that it means he doesn't love you I think he needs to meet your needs though be affectionate he choose that career. He needs to fulfill both without making one more important. I guess with a lot of guys they get upset when you tell them things like this because they feel like they do everything all the time, but if your husband says he still loves you..then make him prove it. Tell him how you feel and if he just shrugs it off then that's not love. I don't know a lot I just know marriage is hard and I don't know if two people love each other for a life time? does anyone know though?
There are various reasons why a couple can lose certain connections with one another.
Maturity has certainly something to do with it, but it’s a tricky aspect to confront!
One way to trigger some understanding inside his head, is to ignore his presence while his coming home after work.
I’m not referring to acting like if he isn’t around, but to remain yourself while changing your attitude towards his presence.
To act normal while not shifting your full attention upon him when he has received a kiss after entering the door.
To refrain from asking questions about whatever which might cross your mind.
To keep yourself busy, reading a book or playing with the kids, helping out with their schoolwork or whatever.
Like every day, he will be expecting you to be who you are, if you are not that whatever you usually are, it will affect him, because he will not understand what is taking place!
Therefore he will respond one way or another, he will try to figure out why your energy has changed.
Therefore it essential to remain normal in behavior and expression, so no role playing, of being sad or happy while surely not different!
Just shift your energy away upon other things, while don’t verbally open up whenever he starts to respond.
If he has a drinking problem, or tends to become verbally aggressive whenever he thinks not to be understood, don’t try the above!
To some guys, the first things which comes troubling their minds if they read or sense different behavior, is thoughts of their wife having an affair!
If you have a lousy sex life, and you are already having sex on the boundaries of what you consider acceptable, there might be a lack which I might explain if necessary.
If not, while you are open-minded enough to add some new experiences, fuel it up a bit! This is not a solution, but it will draw and trigger some attention surprising overall attention anyhow.
Once again, surely in this case!
If he has a drinking problem, or tends to become verbally aggressive whenever he thinks not to be understood, don’t try to fuel up the sex life!
To have a job which includes focus and attention towards high responsibilities, can be extremely demanding, while they contain aspects which are not easily understood by those who are not involved, in this case yourself!
Not to bring up job related topics can bring some peace of mind to both!
He will most probably love you, but somehow fails or denies to face your needs within this commitment you are both sharing!
This happens all over the world within many familial situations!
It’s not that easy to tackle or bring change to it, other than to work your way around the fact he isn’t actually all that guilty.
It might sound strange, but most males amongst are somewhat being programmed to strand inside this behavior which they fail to recognize within themselves, while automatically experience any remarks as being a personal attack upon their inner personality or better say EGO!
If he doesn’t have an alcohol problem, you have many possibilities to address this oak wad circumstance.
If he does, start thinking about figuring out plan B...
Hope this made some sense, you write well, you have a good way into reflecting emotion!
Hope things will work out between the both of you, to get any man or male to communicate upon a level of mutual understanding is a challenge, while the biggest fight ever to still rage globally as we speak, this throughout the whole of human history as far we know it!
To send of your own offspring to wonder or study around the world, will reflect while eventually open up your own world, with new potential and success of achievements of bringing what you are fighting for to an end!
Do not read my blogs, they might cause a depressing mood to enter your mind set!
Wish you good luck,
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you do force people to confront reality in a way that people don't want to open their eyes to see...I do want to see but I do believe ignorance is bliss.
“You cannot wean away an addict from the drug. It is not possible for me to walk away from Ranjha. If it is our destiny to be together then who, other than God, can change it?”
she's a spaceman, no walker, dreamer...maybe
Everyone who believes ignorance is bliss, will at some stage in its life face the making of its own imprisonment!
Meaning, to chose in remaining ignorant, is to give away your innersole and identity to the one or that which is making nothing less than an obedient slave out of you.
To give you an example which somehow in a distant way relates to this subject!
Although the Greek carry a great while amazingly rich culture, today’s males in
Greece carry strong tendencies into turning their wife’s into zombies!
When young they praise and overwhelm females like if they were goddesses upon pedestals, after winning the heart of one, they remain in doing the same until a wonderful and joyful marriage flows out of it!
Soon after the marriage, their prior goal is to give rise to offspring!
Already during pregnancy, males already shift away the goddess aspect, while start to become a rare presence within the relation they worshipped with devotion.
Once offspring has become a reality, the wife gets to be known or made clear which are her restrictions, those restrictions are forced upon her while everything is put in motion in order to get her as fat and ugly as possible in order to work upon her self-esteem.
Wives who have produced offspring systematically become ignored and emotionally neglected by their spouses, who them open themselves up to adultery with whomever they can get their sexual desires satisfied!
That’s one price to pay when living in ignorance, while the only bliss to be found is within the loving experience of offspring, while this too comes to an end when they become programmed and molded into their role and place before adolescence in order to keep it all to repeat itself over and over again, from generation upon generation.
To accept a ring in an environment like this, is to freely let yourself to become handcuffed and worse for the rest of your life!
Ignorance is bliss, my ass!
lol
http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/all/
from my own experience, where I had a family member ( we're not blood relatives but I call her my aunt) who was divorced because she was illiterate. she doesn't think there is anyone who would marry her, she has a daughter who she is raising with her own income that she earns now and with the help of my family, for her the things that she knows and all she does is enough happiness.
Although I do want to make her see that there are better people out there who wouldn't do to her what her previous husband's family did to her (she was divorced while she was pregnant with her daughter), in that society and culture it's almost impossible to find people who don't look at your back ground and your education level before making a judgment on your personality and character.
Most women in that society try to remain oblivious to the wrongs of the males in their life, isn't it easier to just close your eyes and not see things rather than opening your eyes and crying your heart out -___-
I really do wish things were not this way, but in my own life I have seen that they are...
“You cannot wean away an addict from the drug. It is not possible for me to walk away from Ranjha. If it is our destiny to be together then who, other than God, can change it?”
she's a spaceman, no walker, dreamer...maybe
I fully understand you, and you are fully right to an extend! It is important to leave things be which you cannot change or which might cause trouble in ways you wouldn’t wish for yourself or others.
Upon a personal level, all you see happening around in and outside your life and throughout the experiences of your own and others, you need to stay focused and absorb! Meaning, witness rather than putting your head in the sand!
This will allow you to learn and have your ways with things and situations you wish to attract and avoid along the path!
Ignorance is fine for those who can expect little change, while a problem for those who are aware of what could be, lol
Never close your eyes, it will deny you too step aside at the right moment whenever its needed.
Life is exiting, train upon your skills, they will be of great meaning to pass upon your offspring!
Get wise my friend, you are unwarily shaping the face of the earth, like all other females, you rule!
Rule your destiny,
http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/all/
"Already during pregnancy, males already shift away the goddess aspect, while start to become a rare presence within the relation they worshipped with devotion.
Once offspring has become a reality, the wife gets to be known or made clear which are her restrictions, those restrictions are forced upon her while everything is put in motion in order to get her as fat and ugly as possible in order to work upon her self-esteem.
Wives who have produced offspring systematically become ignored and emotionally neglected by their spouses,"
I can definitely agree with this, even though my husband is a man above men, and has shown me nothing but kindness and acceptance when his luster was lacking, and who has put his daughter above all, in effect prizing me above all women.
I have a good man, one who many women are jealous of. I am blessed. Be that as it may, there was a definite shift when I became pregnant, even before either of us were conscious of it.
The difficult part is that upon sensing this shift, I became sad at first, and then angry. I never really lashed out, but I did express my pain, and this pushed him further away. it is a strange thing. i have heard of men who experience an increase in their sexual attraction to the woman they have impregnated, but I don't think it is very common. (To be perfectly honest, I find this more common in men raised in families of hispanic bloodlines.) For me, I gave off a smell that was apparent even before I knew I was carrying another life. He sensed this smell, and that was enough to shrink his libido.
It was hard not to be resentful, and our marriage has suffered. What you say about the woman getting fat and ugly, that is almost an unspoken given, especially if she senses physical rejection. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
After I had my baby, his libido miraculously recovered (in response to me anyway, he had satisfied himself with porn in the interim). That was difficult for me to accept. He had angered the goddess within me, rejecting the body that held his own seed! My libido did not return to homeostasis.
I say all this to bring attention to the fact that even good men, who do not cheat, and who are devoted, have a difficult time adjusting to pregnancy and a new child. I know my husband loves me, and would never hurt me intentionally, cheat on me, or leave me. Still, it is hard, as a woman, to be suddenly viewed so differently, and to become physically repugnant to the man who implanted her womb in the first place.
What saves us is our common love for our daughter, and I agree that the shift in focus to the celebration of the child is the key to making it all work.
Situations where the child is not celebrated, however, bring a much darker set of circumstances.
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Thank you sweetheart for taking the time to respond to my blog oh and also for your advice as well ;-)
You are welcome, hope things will become, while get in the right place!
Become a writer, you have talent, bring it up to surface!
Greetings from "The Love Guru" himself, to live a life of passion is the goal I pursue, into and beyond divinity!
Peace, love and freedom for All...
http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/all/
If it makes you feel better, I doubt your problems are limited to military wives. Any woman who chooses to stay home while her husband works is going to have trouble because she wants to do something when he gets home and he is tired.
If people have tried to break in, then you need to feel safe. Discuss the possibility of a security system. Get to know your neighbors and find out if there is a neighborhood watch.
Also, you're going to want a life outside of your husband and kid. Maybe find some play groups, or get some people together and set up a system where you exchange baby-sitting for each other.
I know I don't really know much about the topic, either your marriage or even marriage in general, but I hope things work out and that I was at least a little help.
Like what you've read? Well, then here's more:
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/tricia0711
I say this not directed at you, but at people who may read this who aren't quite as far in as you.
Do not, under any circumstances, give up absolutely everything for a partner.
I was...
Whenever a person thinks or says, "I gave up everything for him/ her" the red flags start waving frantically!
Love should not require that kind of sacrifice. I think that in some ways our culture sees some kind of inflated value in sacrificing for others, perhaps as a result of the pervasiveness of Christian ideology, perhaps not.
Anyway, Love does not require that kind of sacrifice, and when its right, Love complements the values of each involved, and respects those things that the other values.
A very simple truth was told to me once by a good friend who was soothing me during a painful break-up. She said to me, "When you find the right person, it will be easy. Love doesn't hurt." That stuck with me, and so I share it.
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I do not think it is a case of being at work with friends all day. I am a military wife as well, i can not really compare the navy to the coast gaurd, but i am sure the coast gaurd is a little more stressful than the navy. I know it sucks when we are at home all da with the kiddies, while they are out having adult conversation, but keep in mind that he may just be ready to chillout by the time he gets home. I would suggest picking up a fun game for y'all to play and reconnect over. i know here the fleet and family support office has this cool program, where the married couples can get away and do this workshop, it's fun and it helps for the couples to reconnect, and get to know each other, the best part is that it's FREE. it helps out my husband and i a bunch, as well as my friend and her husband. check it out. militaryonesource.com should have the info.
The Lord made me hard to handel...GOOD LUCK!
Thank you chelsea.correa929 for the website also turtlesuds for your awesome advice and I really appreciate the other writers on this blog as well.
which says that if you have to wonder or guess whether someone loves you or not, the answer is no.
I realize that can be a hard pill to swallow, but I know it to be true.
If you read my post above in response to wombels, you will see that I have experienced trouble in my marriage, yet I can say for certain that I never had to wonder if my husband loved me.
In response to you asking your husband if he loved you, I have to share that when I asked my husband the same thing, I got an emphatic, "Yes, how could you question that," with him on his knees, looking up into my eyes, imploring me to hear him.
Someone who doesn't bother to get off the couch to answer such a question is extremely out of touch with the situation.
sure there are ways to try to make it work. The first thing I would suggest if you want to make it work anyway is therapy. Obviously, with him being away serving in the Coast Guard, that can be difficult, but if you look into resources offered by the Coast Guard as chelsea.correa929 suggested, i am sure there is a way to make it work.
The key question is not "Do you love me?" but, "Do you want this marriage to work?"
You are right, it is a lot of work, but if there is love, it can be done. If either is reluctant to put in the work, it is best to cut your losses.
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