School Work Can Take a Break

So, it's school work that's getting me down but I am not going to burn out when it's nearing the end of the semester.
I don't know why I hate endings and have hard time completing things.

I do well in school but what I mean is that I don't like completely finishing my courses. The past few times have been hell, things always go wrong with family...members actually have started dying on me.

First, it was S's grandfather who is like my own, who passed away because of lung cancer. This was three years ago.

Last year, my own grandmother passed away...she fell from the bed, broke her leg, was in extreme pain but died of a heart attack because her heart rate went from 180-20-180 and crazy... I myself saw it fluctuating between those and knew she would leave us soon. But she passed away around 3 or 4 in the morning and only my parents and aunts were at the hospital, while I was avoiding reality, watching some Korean entertainment.

Yes, I clearly remember that to get myself out of the depression and to be hopeful, I turned to Korean game shows.

I do that.

I do that often. I turn to Korean entertainment and shows to get my mind off of things that I really have to deal with.

This is why I know enough Korean to understand a conversation that native speakers sometimes are having right in front of me. It feels like eavesdropping, since the people "conversating" have no clue that someone else can understand their private discussion.

Because of course, I don't look korean

That aside, this is my third and last try at school,
and this time I find that S's grandmother, whom I also love like my own, has multiple myeloma

"Multiple myeloma (also known as myeloma or plasma cell myeloma) is a progressive hematologic (blood) disease. It is a cancer of the plasma cell, an important part of the immune system that produces immunoglobulins (antibodies) to help fight infection and disease. Multiple myeloma is characterized by excessive numbers of abnormal plasma cells in the bone marrow and overproduction of intact monoclonal immunoglobulin (IgG, IgA, IgD, or IgE) or Bence-Jones protein (free monoclonal κ and λ light chains). Hypercalcemia, anemia, renal damage, increased susceptibility to bacterial infection, and impaired production of normal immunoglobulin are common clinical manifestations of multiple myeloma. It is often also characterized by diffuse osteoporosis, usually in the pelvis, spine, ribs, and skull."

http://www.multiplemyeloma.org/about_myeloma/index.php

I let things overwhelm me, and this is it.

I am overwhelmed by finding out that she has this cancer.

How can I focus on school work?

How do I tell myself to stop caring about Cancer Treating drug and information and just focus on school work that needs to be done.

I hate school whenever these things happen in my life, and I hate life, and

sorry, but God, wherever, whoever or whatever you are, what the hell, why are you putting me and my family through this over and over again.