For a while now, I know I haven't been feeling myself lately and I thought it was solely based that it was because i was dealing with lots of personal struggles internally with family and what have you...but now that my family situation is more stable, i have still been finding myself really annoyed with anything that doesn't go my way and always find something that isn't going to make my day go well and when it does go well, something just happens to rain on my parade....
I suffer from something called SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) which is a seasonal medial illness in which people tend to get depressed, frustrated, withdrawn during the fall/winter months. Lately, I've been feeling these effects to the extreme that at times I've really just felt worthless that if i died tomorrow, no one would care or even go to the funeral. I know this to be completely false but i can't stop feeling that i feel like my life has lost its purpose, i wake up and its like i try to have a good day but something or another just gets my down...in a sense, i feel like i used to be a "winnie-the pooh whose turned into an eyeore..." : (
And now, I've begun to wonder if that maybe its not just SAD...that its something even deeper than that...because lately i just don't feel important partially due to less social interaction with others due to schoolwork and work but to also because i've been more withdrawn that i haven't been wanting to hang out as much or make up excuses not to hang out. Yet, last week i did take a day off and declared it my "mental health day" to go bike riding to relieve some of my stress which felt really good to do but...obviously i can't do that all the time, spontanously have fun for an entire afternoon....but its just those little moments that i forget to appreciate..
Instead i just fight myself and don't find the good in a tough situation and complain so much...that i just become the person that i always say that i was never wanting to become and yet it doesn't phase me, i keep complaining about work or school..when really its me who has the problem....
That I can never be satisfied with what im doing and pull back then look at the negatives of every situation...i try to think positive...but i fear that its too late for me that why even try..when i know that im just going to fail.
I just don't see the point i guess...which i think might be due to isolationist notion that i've set in motion because i don't want to deal with people because it means that i'll have to face my problems and deal with being happy for once...
*sigh...I just wish i could go back to how things used to be, no responsibility, no work, no school, just free time and play.....but of course, reality won't allow it and i must work, go to school and have TONS of responsibility for my actions and myself...in a sense I feel like im a peter pan trying to escape from this place that isn't neverland...or as my friend called it the Peter Pan Syndrome.
I hear you. I don't know if I have SAD, but I am mild bi-polar 2
blah to depression, it is no fun and almost unstoppable.
"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." -F.N.
When I saw the acronym SAD, I thought "Schizoaffective Disorder," which has a much more difficult prognosis and treatment.
All people with any form of mood disorder, or neuroses are prone to what you call SAD. Part of me thinks it is just natural, that humans are photophiles.
However, some people with more severe mood disorders, like Bipolar Disorder, follow the seasons, where they get "manic" when daylight hours are longer and "depressed" during the fall/winter.
Both of those extremes can also be accompanied by psychotic symptoms, making it more of a schizoaffective disorder, the other SAD. Schizoaffectives tend to be more prone to depression than schizophrenics.
It becomes, or rather is termed, a seasonal disorder when the cycles correlate with the seasons or weather.
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I think that you are making a mistake trying to diagnose yourself. What often follows is self-medication and that is not a good situation. I highly recommend you get some professional help and an accurate diagnosis.. A lot of depressions can be successfully treated. Why feel like you describe when a little counseling and some happy pills can turn all this stuff around?
You'll probably still have to work, go to school and have responsibilities. But when you are feeling right with the world again you will realize that these are good things that give your life positive meaning.
visionsnflight diagnosed him/her self?
When someone says, "I suffer from ___________," that usually means that a doctor, or some sort of health professional has told them so.
i assumed that our friend here had already been diagnosed. He/she doesn't explain any treatment they are receiving, either because he/ she refused to follow up on recommendations, or isn't feeling relief, in which he/ she should speak with his/ her treating physician.
However, if he/ she is right, there isn't much to be done for something like SAD, as he/ she defines it. There are special lights that are custom made for seasonal mood disorders, but they can be expensive. I bought my dad one for his desk.
Pills are hard for something like this, because the symptoms change, or else go away and come back.
I do know of people who only take "happy pills" during the fal/ winter months, and do well, but that is risky for a person to try on their own.
Honestly, I think this is just another way to call a natural human response a medical problem, or mental illness. Another label, to make everyone feel better and forget the core of the problem, a person who is not satisfied because they probably shouldn't be, because whatever they are doing or not doing is not right, and their soul knows it, therefore they are depressed, and bleak weather makes depression more apparent.
i could be totally wrong, and the person just needs the right pill or combo of pills. hey, why not attack it from every angle? medicinally, therapeutically, and behaviorally, even spiritually?
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I don't disagree with the conclusion you drew from "I suffer from _________."
But I based my advice on this statement:
And now, I've begun to wonder if that maybe its not just SAD...that its something even deeper than that...
What is the old saying, "Only a fool has himself for a patient". If the blogger is wondering if they have been correctly diagnosed then they should get some help and confirm their diagnosis.
You probably know more about mental health than I do having received some training and also had direct experience. But my late step-father was a psychiatrist and I observed enought to know that mental health is extremely tough to understand and even professionals often misdiagnose. I spent 5 years married to a severe alcoholic and I am certain that she suffered from other underlying mental health problems but in repeated treatment programs they were never diagnosed. She was determined that she was not 'crazy' and I doubt that the Doctors ever got a glimpse of what I saw on a regular basis.
I completely agree with your conclusions about SAD. Living in Wyoming where we have pretty serious and long dark winters, I think it is pretty normal for healthy people to get the winter blues and I think it is kind of sad (no pun intended) that the medical community turns this into a mental health disorder. That said, not everybody is the same and some people experience these blues in a much more severe manner. If the symptoms are so severe that they make a person totally dispondent and disfunctional or even want to end their life, maybe a happy pill is in order.
and you are very correct that misdiagnosis is common. Your experience with your ex-wife is interesting, and brings up an interesting point.
Diagnosis of mental problems is very difficult, and in reality, the means in which is done is really not conducive to making an accurate diagnosis.
One thing that hospitalization does is give mental health professionals a means of observing behavior over a period of time, making diagnosis easier, however, many illnesses go in cycles, and misdiagnosis happens because only the symptoms present at the time are accounted for.
Family members do have much more valuable information than anyone else, and it is important that they are involved in the process of evaluation, and treatment.
Alcohol, and all drugs complicate things even more. It is indeed a puzzling field, but fascinating, nonetheless.
Also, I agree that the degree of symptoms should be the primary consideration in seeking medicinal therapy.
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