The Nunya Party

I am sick and tired of people getting up in arms about silly little things that are so far into the realm of personal choice that other people shouldn't even know about it. A lot of the "hot button issues" these days are nothing more than people sticking their nose in where it doesn't belong. You can consider this a delayed comment on Proposition 8 if you wish, but it's more like something that's been a long time coming.

I'm founding a new political party. I'm founding the Nunya Party.

The Nunya Party is a party based on one very simple ideal - an ideal so simple, that it's also the basis for the party's name. The party's ideal is "None Of Your Business."

Supporting the ideals of the Nunya Party is also very simple:

1. Find someone who is creating a large fuss about something someone else is doing.
2. Determine whether or not it is, in fact, Their Business
3a. If you determine that it is Their Business, do not interfere.
3b. If you determine that it is None Of Their Business, inform them quickly and sternly that it is None Of Their Business.
4. Walk away.

The ideals of the Nunya Party can be applied on all levels of life. The following two examples will demonstrate how the Nunya Party operates on the microcosm and the macrocosm.

Microcosm:
You are a member of the theater department of your college. John has recently broken up with Mary, in a very loud and messy way. Vicky, another student in the theater department, comes to you to tell you that John is now seeing Becky, one of Mary's good friends. You look at Vicky and say "That is none of your business, and none of mine." Then you walk away.

Macrocosm:
You are a resident of the state of Massachusetts. You are passing a church and see several picketers outside of it. The picketers are protesting a wedding between two men that is taking place inside the church. The protesters shout at you to join their cause. You turn to them and say, "This is none of your business, and none of mine." Then you walk away.

Walking away is an important part of the Nunya Party's philosophy. The people creating the fuss will often try to involve you in a debate about how it really is Their Business, and how it should be Your Business as well. These debates are frequently mindless, time-consuming and circular, and as a whole are a waste of your time and energy. Getting caught up in these debates can also be seen as Sticking Your Nose In Their Business, which is a violation of the Nunya Party's basic tenants.

The Nunya Party, however, should not be confused with laziness, apathy or giving in to the Somebody Else's Problem field. The differences between None Of Your Business and Somebody Else's Problem are subtle, but they do exist. The Nunya Party does not and will never advocate ignoring a situation where real harm is being perpetrated on someone else against their will. A relative or friend being abused, a mugging on the street, a rape, a murder - these are all Your Business. People who give in to the Somebody Else's Problem field confuse minding their own business with ignoring human suffering of all kind because they don't want to get involved. The Nunya Party encourages you to get involved if someone is really being hurt.

The following things are Not Your Business:

1. Religion - so someone wants to celebrate Humanlight instead of Christmas? Nunya.

2. Political Ideology - unless you are trying to draft a bill to submit to Congress, nobody is a "dirty Commie." Nunya.

4. Lifestyle - Joe might not make as much money as the rest of us, but he's happy. Nunya.

5. Sexual Orientation - what other people do behind their own closed doors is private. Nunya.

The following things are Not Somebody Else's Problem:

1. Abuse - It may be you, someday, needing support to get yourself out of this problem. Your Business.

2. Public Endangerment - Johnny might not care if he lets a bush grow up around the fire hydrant, but you should - what if your house catches on fire? Your Business.

3. Equality - "Then they came for me, and there was no-one left to speak up." Your Business.

4. Crime - It can happen to you. Pay attention, and if you see someone getting kidnapped/raped/murdered/their house broken into, call the police. Your Business.

5. Charity - If you don't help, what's to say your neighbor will? Some people need a little help off the bottom of the pile. If you can provide, you probably should. Again, it could be you someday. Your Business.

These rules are hardly set in stone, and the Nunya Party does not claim to have the answers to every moral dilemma that might arise. A good rule of thumb is, "If it's not hurting anyone, it's Not Your Business."

Please consider joining the Nunya Party and spreading its ideals to as many people as you think will listen. However, be careful - don't stick your nose in someone else's business!