The Importance of Sex Over Rated or Under Rated

The Importance of Sex Over Rated or Under Rated
Written by Steve Hutchinson
Monday, October 15, 2007
In an intimate relationship sex plays an important role in connecting to each other. When two people come together to perform the act of sex often times they are trying connect to each other on a different level than normal. A friend once told me that her grandmother told her that sex is the sharing of souls between two persons. In this article I will seek to bring to life the importance of sex in an intimate relationship. Indeed you opinion starts to form the moment you read the heading and it becomes stronger as you read this paragraph. If you are thinking that sex is highly over rated, then I can make the assumption that you have a low sex drive and sex is not so important for you, if important at all. On the other hand if you have a high sex drive then sex can be seen beyond the sharing of souls but has your daily bread. I guess the real question is do you and your partner feel the same way about sex.
In carrying out a basic research of how people feel about sex and its importance in their relationship, I found that most men and women alike think that sex is very important if not the most important. Naturally the first reaction for women is that it is very important but not the most. However, they tend to ‘stuff their foot in their mouth’ when they reveal that if their partner is not performing up to scratch then they will either cheat or leave him. Men on the other hand admit upfront that it is the most important thing in their relationship. They explain that sex is what compliments everything in an intimate relationship and if it is not there then the things it should be complimenting stand alone. This in and of itself leads to major dissatisfaction in a relationship. Again men will cheat to acquire some satisfaction.
The reality is that every human has a basic need of being satisfied. This is however hard to achieve, because we tend to want more and more every time a particular need is satisfied. However in our relationships we would love to be at least comfortable. One thing that can cause major discomfort is sexual dissatisfaction. Sexual dissatisfaction can range from one or a combination of the following from your partner or yourself: Poor sexual performance, lack of creativity, unwillingness to explore/compromise, and low sex drive. To be experiencing a combination of these means that you and your partner are sexually incompatible.
To be sexual compatible with someone means that you share the same views about sex and perform at a complementary level during sexual interaction. You will enjoy your sex life with that person and for the most part be satisfied after engaging in sexual behaviour. On the other hand sexual incompatibility is the clash of sexual behaviours and habits. This leads to confusion, little or no confidence, discomfort and dissatisfaction during sexual encounters.
During my research I was informed by several females that all men cheat and this realisation has led them to accept men as cheaters. I must say that’s a lie! All females do have a problem with their man cheating on them just like men do when their women do the same. When I asked the question what would you do if you know for sure that your partner is cheating on you? I received answers such as: cheat back, break off the relationship and some other angry and revengeful comments from both men and women. Playing the devil’s advocate I twisted the question a little and asked what if the cheating only involves kissing? That in turn gave more forgiving responses like: I would talk to him or her about it, I would not leave him or her but I would still be upset.
The importance of sex is not merely the icing on the cake. As a matter of fact it is the catalyst of all intimate relationship. In Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, sex is among the basic needs of life, (i.e. air, food, drink, shelter, warmth, sex, sleep, etc.) Maslow stated that, “If the things that satisfy our lower order needs are swept away, we are no longer concerned about the maintenance of our higher order needs.” The basic needs of life are our lower order needs. Other sociologists suggest that needs can be satisfied simultaneously but we will persue that in another forum. What is important is the fact that sex is identified as a need and where it appears in the needs chain.
Sex is highly under rated when it is referred to as one of the pluses to the relationship or not the most important. People have difference in opinion on what is most important in their relationship. Often time’s sex is not even considered and is over looked. However, anything that is chosen to be most important is either as important as sex or less important than sex. If something as simple as not wanting to have sex when your partner does can cause you the relationship, then it is very important. People don’t like to feel like they are being forced to do anything including sex. In Anne Hooper Little Book of Sex, she speaks of a married couple who had different sex drives. The woman, the one with the higher sex drive, feels rejected by her husband and starts to feel like something is wrong with her. The couple seeks therapy and agreed on a sex contract. However, if this contract doesn’t satisfy the wife then eventually it will cause problems again. You have a responsibility to check for sexual compatibility with your partner as this can determine how long your relationship will last. You also have the responsibility to check yourself to know what your sexual desires are and to share it with your partner. Your sexual desires will also help you determine if you are compatible sexually.
I highly recommend sex before marriage. In the same story about the couple in the previous paragraph, the husband went along with his wife and has sex when she desired, for five months. After five months he started to feel bombarded and feel as if he was being forced to have sex. Five months is very long and too long to be pretending that all is well in the relationship. I could assume that sex was not so good or at its best because one partner is not feeling up to it. Situation like this can cause a marriage to fail. That is why it is important to know your partner sexually before getting married. You will be in a better position to make an assessment of what you are getting yourself into. It would really look bad if everything in you marriage is going well and because of sex it fails. “Do you, __ take __ to be your (wife/husband)? Do you promise to love, honour, cherish and protect her/him, forsaking all others and holding only unto her/him?" ("I do")”. The vows you take when you get married tells you that you should not go outside of you marriage for sex or companionship, therefore you husband or wife should be the full package i.e. Your hearts desire and any flaws he or she might have you should be able to live with them.
In an article written by Sheri & Bob Stritof titled: Frequent Sex in Marriage, Emotional and Physical Benefits, published by about.com, state that more studies are finding physical and emotional benefits from sex. Some of these benefits include boosting self esteem, making a person feel younger, keeping spouses connected emotionally, reducing risk of heart disease, making a person more calm, improving fitness level, making a person less irritable, reducing depression, and giving people a positive attitude on life. All these are vital ingredients in a long lasting healthy relationship. Don’t get me wrong and think that sex is the only thing that can keep a relationship going. There are many other viable contributors like communication, trust, comfort and compatible personalities. Not having one, or more or any of these can cause you your relationship, just like sex.