Not A Desperate Housewife

This is my most recent development regarding my body/ money issues. I have inserted them here and there, and posted a few blogs about them, but they don't seem to really fit with the majority of my blogging "themes." They really don't seem to fit in with "me" either, most of the time, and so they confuse me. I have not understood why i am feeling "pressure" to *conform* to the ideals of the people who live around me, which reflect money and beauty as the core values.

I read carrot's blogs and my soul cries out to my rewilding sister, "I want to be you." She has no idea how much I would have envied her in my past, and how much she inspires me now. She has no idea that she is my spiritual twin, my "Other."

If anyone is confused, I have a blog called, "Confessions of A Conformist," and "Plastic Fantastic, Living in the OC," where I explain the beginnings of these inner battles.

Regarding my struggle with beauty, I have a blog called "What's Your Eating Disorder?" where I explain my current relationship with my body. Add the ingredients of "Plastic Fantastic," and you understand the result, which is my blog "But I Believe In Peace, B-tch."

Ok, back to NOW. I just got back from dinner with some friends. Included was a couple who my husband and I are acquainted with, but who we also don't feel totally comfortable with. They have 2 children, the oldest is a girl the same age as our daughter. We went to their daughter's birthday, and we see them at social gatherings often.

The husband is from Australia. She is from OC. She is a rock-a-billy chick. She was the primary member of the "Psuedo-educated hippy" club I have referred to before, but managed to find her way to knowledge and decided to have her children vaccinated, which is why I let my daughter go to their party.

They are a "power" couple. He was working on his car one day, and was thinking about needing a gift for his wife. He saw a seatbelt, tore it out and wove it into a wallet. He presented it to his wife as a gift. They patented it and have an international line of handbags now, called "Harvey's Handbags." They have just opened a wherehouse in Japan and have a contract with Disney. There are now "Harvey's bags" with Mickey Mouse all over them.

Mrs. Harvey is very outgoing, domineering, and opinionated. Whenever I have been around I have met them at our friends' home after work wearing my scrubs, no make up, and my unbrushed hair up in a claw clip.

I have mostly only listened to Mrs. Harvey and have never really talked to her, until one day. One day my husband was helping out our friend with an art exhibit/show. Our friend who is the mutual friend between the Harveys and ourselves, is our daughter's godfather. So my husband loves art, and is good at it. He quit for personal reasons but decided to help out our friend. The show was in a flat next to the Harvey's store. They are also friends of the owner of the loft where the art show was.

So I showed up in support of my husband in a navy blue suit with a blue and silver silk wrap around shirt, hair down, and wearing make-up. I was looking for my husband and my daughter. I saw Mrs. Harvey and approached her. i asked, "Do you know where Kelly is?" She looked at me like I had some nerve intruding on her. She said, "Do I know you?" I said, "Yeah, I'm Rebecca, Kelly's wife."

She was instantly apologetic and stood up from her seat. She grabbed my hand and said, "I am so sorry, I did not recognize you. I have never seen you out of your work clothes before. How are you?" She sat me down and started asking me all kinds of questions about my job, motherhood, etc.

I was happy that she was being nice to me, but wondering, "wow, do I really have to dress up like this to be acknowledged?"

My answer is yes.. See, I see a purpose in carrot's lifestyle. i have been fighting conformity my whole life. I hate plastic fantastic OC, yet I want to make people feel confident by erasing their scars with a laser. I can be invisible. I usually choose to be invisible, and like it.

My problem is that my purpose is calling me and telling me that it is my job to speak my message to as many people as possible. I cannot do that and remain invisible.

i am learning the power of beauty. It used to make me angry when I thought about it. Now I understand that if I am to be heard, people have to want to hear me. I am being challenged to be the best I can be, on every level, including physically.