Dear Virtual Friend

Dear Virtual Friend
If you were here right now, I’d tell you nothing. For my fear of losing you is too strong. I would not tell you how every time you call me “sweetie” my heart skips a beat or two. I would not tell you how I long to be in your arms; safe and sound. I couldn’t tell you that my hand is always twitching for the phone, just to hear you voice, that melodic voice that is forever imprinted in my heart and soul. My weakness would keep me from telling you that I long to hold your hand as we walk side by side down the street talking and laughing. You would not hear this from my mouth because I lack the courage. I lack the ability to accept these feelings as true. I lack the ability to face the rejection that I so dread to hear. I lack the confidence to GO FOR IT. I fear that I may push you away with these feelings. I lack the confidence to leap for you, in fear that I will fall. I lack the courage to walk away from you IF I am rejected. REJECTION: that is the fear holding me back. The one thing that is STOPPING me from having my dreams come true. I fear losing what we have by asking for too much. If you were here, right now, face to face, I probably wouldn’t be able to look you in the eye. I would say very little with fear of saying too much. I would be locked in a shell waiting to burst out. I would wait…as I always do, not taking action. But you now know what I think, from this cowardly letter. No feeling, no emotion in a voice or seen in my eyes. Just black letters upon a white page. That is all I can give you, for to see/hear your reaction would be too nerving to witness; to sit and wait as rejection forms in tone. To see rejection would break me. I now these feelings are useless. I’m here and your there, seeking someone to be with NOW, but these feelings are as strong as ever and I can’t avoid them. If you ever get your hands on this, I expect no reply. I most likely will have ran by now, fear gripping my every bone, as I dread what you may think of me. My heart will always wait for the pain to end. My heart will wait for yours as I try to move on with my life, trying to find the same happiness you brought me, in someone else. I loved what we had Virtual Friend, even if it pained me knowing that all I could get was a voice. What we had was something that will stay in my heart forever. In the end it was worth every ache and stab to just try and be that much closer to you. I'll never forget you and I’ll always think of you. May you find everlasting happiness in your life and may fate bring us back together one day, in whatever way it sees fit. Thank you Virtual Friend for liking me as ME and for the person I am on the inside. I have the confidence that I need to continue through life. Till the fates bring us back.
Forever yours,
Tezz