I've grown accustomed to this little habit I have. It's something I do when things don't work out with girls. With the exception of Lushka (Leslie), I tend to display what I'm coining as an "erasure complex." Now, I certainly do not claim to be the most brilliant, original person on this earth, and I am fairly certain that someone with greater understanding of psychology than I could ever hope to possess has already observed this phenomenon and named it something wonderful. Good for him (or her, as the case may be).
When things don't work out, especially with someone, I cannot handle just being friends. I will not be friends. If I see that there is something in the break-up process that has caused me to stress out and/or tear up over, I feel weak. I feel desperate and angry. I start to second guess and even blame myself. Even though I haven't done anything wrong. Even when it was the other person's problems that caused the relationship to end. When my emotions start to get the best of me and I begin to feel irrational, there's this nifty defense mechanism that gets triggered somehow.
Erase.
This person never existed and will never again exist.
It's almost like going back in time and altering the events to avoid a particular outcome. My brain says to my heart, "this never happened. there's no reason for heartbreak because this person never had your heart to break in the first place. they don't even exist."
And somehow, after my brain is through erasing them from my mind and my heart and all that good stuff.....I feel better. I feel stronger. I move on.
They're gone.
Now, I don't know if that's healthy to do or not, but I do it regardless because it seems to be the only way for me to cope with break-ups....especially with girls who have really hurt me.
I threw her CD out the window and now she's gone. Erased. Just like all the others. I will never love her again. I cannot be her friend or her enemy. I don't even know her. She is a vague figment, an echo of a person I may have known once but know not now, nor ever again.
And do you know ? It worked again.
See ? Just as good as new !
Now, if only I could get this bloody ring off...
