I am really disturbed at the moment. My husband just received a text from his sister that her ex-boyfriend has been arrested in Portland for rape. I immediately told him to call her and he did.
My first reaction was a feeling of despair. i know him. He is my friend. He has been in my family before I was. He is a completely gentle soul. He is not a predator. In fact he is a DJ. He is world famous and stays for months in different cities. My sister in law is young, and extremely naive. I don't mean that she is stupid or helpless. I just mean that she holds on to little girl dreams. She is very insecure, especially with men. This is the root of her obsessive jealousy that drove him away from her.
Being a very good looking, world famous DJ in the musical world of drum and base poses an interesting challenge to a young man, and his girlfriend. I had several one on one intimate discussions with him regarding the nature of their relationship when he was desperate for fear of losing her and asking for advice. He was the kind of guy who had women disrobing, gyrating and drooling in his face and on his lap throughout every venue. He is the underground Sean Paul. What is funny is both myself and my husband have been first hand witnesses when these things are occurring and he is terribly shy. He blushes and looks down. No one I know will give contradictory observations.
His attitude toward all of this is eerily humble. He does not seek this out. His music, while sensual and raw, is not explicitly sexual. He wears long baggy shorts, T-shirts and baseball hats. He slouches, hanging his head, drawing his shoulders to the ground. He lives the rock star lifestyle. He sleeps until 1:00 pm and crashes at 5:00 am. He doesn't make much money, he is in this for the fame. He has no problem being homeless. In his world couches to sleep on are offered on an hourly basis.
So he has been single for awhile. My sister in law is 23 with a 5 year old son. She is working and trying to go to school. She has had a difficult time assimilating into adulthood. She has been working very hard to forward herself, and her boyfriend's lifestyle just wasn't conducive. She wants to a responsible grown up and he wants to be a rock star. Enough said. They are not together. They do still communicate and definitely love each other.
So after my husband hung up with her I had to know what happened. Apparently he went to a strip club with some friends. A stripper paid him extra special attention and asked him to go out with her that night. They went clubbing and dropped some ecstasy. She asked him to take her home, and then asked him into her place.
The next thing he knows is that he is being arrested because she woke up naked, he was naked and she said he was on top of her. She panicked and called 911.
My sister in law found all of this out because she got the girls phone number and called her and had a long conversation with her. This is the story from her mouth. No one has heard from him. He is up for $250,000 bail.
this shit happens, it really does, and people think that others make it up most of the time but to the ones who know what's going on, only they know how real their emotions of helplessness and hopelessness are. I pray that he gets treated justly and that he is innocent until proven guilty and not the other way'round.
"No, not rich. I am a poor man with money, which is not the same thing." - Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Love in the Time of Cholera Fudge "It's the hard-knock life..."
Only thing is, he is black. Second, cops in jails are assholes and he has already been labeled a rapist. I am just now realizing how many friends who have been wrongly arrested and abused in jail before the courts figured out the cops made a stupid mistake. I am disliking this theme in my life very much. :-P :grr: :angry: :-|
"Consistency is not a human trait" - Maude, from Harold and Maude
human being even after all you've been through.
If he's young and black, he's screwed, and I say this as a fact.
"No, not rich. I am a poor man with money, which is not the same thing." - Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Love in the Time of Cholera Fudge "It's the hard-knock life..."
That's really sad that he's in this situation. I'll keep him in my prayers and I hope he has the strength to get through the next few weeks. My brother-in-law's been in jail and this last time, he was in jail for months rather unjustly, so I can empathize. As a suggestion, write the courts with your opinion on his character. My sister did that, their pastor, his boss, his parents, etc...and my brother in law got out a lot sooner than he probably would have. Good luck!
RESPECT LIFE
http://progressiveu.org/blog/respectlife
"It is poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish."
~Mother Teresa
Sadly, sexual offenses are not ones that are easily shot down or forgiven, and yet, they're often the ones that are obtained because of stupid mistakes (such as what your friend did).
Hopefully, he'll get reimbursed somehow for time served if/when he's found innocent.
I am treated as evil by people who claim that they are being oppressed because they are not allowed to force me to practice what they do. ~D. Dale Gulledge
I wonder what the implications will be if his defense is based on the fact that he was on drugs. That seems pretty weak to me. Still, does stupidity deserve criminal punishment? I guess it does sometimes. It is never a good idea to do drugs with strangers. LOL, I might have just incriminated myself, :-))
"Consistency is not a human trait" - Maude, from Harold and Maude
I'm surprised no one else has offered this advice yet: help him to get a lawyer. I'm guessing that he is going to have trouble affording one? If it seems like the courts will have to provide one, it is still a good idea to know the options and what kind of lawyer will be provided. Anyways, if you have any friends in the area who might know someone, call them up and ask for their advice. Pass on what you find to the DJ. Things might not be as hopeless as everyone is trying to make it sound. Just be prepared if you or your husband have to offer testimony or help in any way. I will be thinking about him and I hope things work out.
Like what you've read? Well, then here's more:
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/tricia0711
I have a couple lawyer friends. I am hoping this won't stick, but my main concern is his personal safety in jail. Recently another friend of mine was arrested and in jail for 2 weeks. His brother was borrowing his car. He got pulled over and had drugs on him, so he ran. A cop broke his ankle chasing him down.
The stupid kid ran home and locked himself in the bathroom. The cops showed up, my friend answered the door, they grabbed him and arrested him. This one was really stupid because my friend is over 6 feet tall and his little brother is barely over 5 feet.
So because the cop broke his ankle my friend was severely beaten every night by the same 6 cops. Yeah, they are figuring out they got the wrong guy now, but that doesn't take away what happened to him.
I am disgusted by these stories of police brutality. Even if the person is guilty, I don't see how this kind of treatment does any good at all. If you treat a human like an animal, it will act like one.
"Consistency is not a human trait" - Maude, from Harold and Maude
How the hell do you mistake a 6 foot tall guy with two good ankles for a 5 foot tall guy with a broken ankle?
I am treated as evil by people who claim that they are being oppressed because they are not allowed to force me to practice what they do. ~D. Dale Gulledge
that cops in CA are required to have cameras. That was the main piece of evidence that worked in his favor. Sorry for the confusion, one of the cops broke his ankle, not the punk kid.
"Consistency is not a human trait" - Maude, from Harold and Maude
from my lawyer friends is that they have no idea about Oregon laws. In CA, even if the girl drops charges the state will still prosecute.
"Consistency is not a human trait" - Maude, from Harold and Maude
:idk: Oy vey. Well, I hope everything works out.
"Don't blame me. I voted for Kodos."
Homer Simpson
They say ("they" in this case being a counselor at my school) that alcohol and drugs totally change a person and make them do things they never would have otherwise. At my school, it's really sad, but we regularly get notices from Public Safety about sexual assaults and rapes. I think that something like 9 out of 10 rapes at my school have drugs and alcohol involved. Also pretty sadly, most of the victims (almost always women, that almost goes without saying) know their assailants and choose not to press charges.
Forget about lawyers, she is the only one who can turn back the clock!
One needs to have like a real serious chat with “SHE”!
Maybe she was indeed harassed or even raped, but she is the only key one has to turn upside down and inside out, in order to unravel truth.
SHE is either stupid, pure venom or a victim!
To turn her over will bring the answers for her or his release!
I guess they both need some comfort in one or another way.
To get like really drunk and high on drugs together with "SHE" will bring all the answers needed to find that truth!
Other than that, one can keep looking at the sky like a clueless fool between many...
We talk soon,
I agree with wombels. Their were obviously high and probably both didn't know what was going on.
hopefully your friend can get out of this sticky situation.
best wishes
Is a wicked substance!
The thing is, when you go out and do drugs like ecstasy...
Anything can happen!
“She panicked and called 911”
I feel really sad to read what happened to your friend, for I strongly feel she did not get raped, I do believe she got overwhelmed by panic making her to act accordingly.
To wake up half unconscious in the morning only to find yourself suffering from a black out, would freak each and every one of us out!
She nor he are actually to blame!
I believe, they both acted like perverted the night before... she could probably not relate her doing so in the morning.
Anyhow, someone needs to make her understand one thing, she might go about to destroy one’s life for good!
She made a call, I believe she needs a “strong” wakeup call in return!
A no nonsense addressing, she needs to be pounded like hard by a female until she comes out with the truth of what really took place!
People need to understand, particular drugs bring out the animal, regardless if you’re a male or female.
If the mood is right, drugs can evoke “those” inner fantasies to melt together like a dream lived for real! I’m not referring to perversion, but inner passion and inner surrender!
Our legal systems don’t know recognize this, they work and rely upon facts only.
Because legal systems are run by individuals who themselves are single minded in education, training, character and expression.
Therefore they many times fail to bring out the truth!
To wake up female sexuality is something strong!
He might as well have woken up the beast in her, while she might have been somehow deeply confused over that in the morning.
To keep it short, many females have their G spots around the world too, Zanzibar being one of them, 50 year old females lose their virginity up that island!
So whenever someone opens the door upon itself, anything can happen as a result in doing so, 250,000 is an amount to question for a touch of reality not digested or understood well!
When a brain goes trough strong stimuli, hornyness, orgasm, rush, excitement and more strong, unguided discovery! Another extreme awaits in the morning.... mental chaos to put the puzzle together.
It wasn’t me!!!! He made me!!! It made me!!!
To meet the alien inside is not understood by anyone, not even one’s own brain!
She needs to come clean, the sooner the better!
So he can remain or leave jail.........period! She is the key to give proper meaning to remain or leave!
Provide the candy she likes, and truth will flow out!
Sounds disgusting, yes, well, not knowing is still more painful a shame!
Ecstasy, is a wicked substance!
I agree with almost everything you said except the notion of giving her more drugs to make her come clean. If that isn't what you meant, I apologize for misunderstanding. Personally I am not in a position to take this challenge on. I have my own immediate family to worry about.
My sister in law is a pretty tough girl, and she is pretty relentless when it comes to crap like this. She is a kung fu master at female drama. Only thing is she sometimes makes things worse because she doesn't have the self-control to know when to back down and act human.
I don't know what will happen. just like my other friend and his little brother, all I can do is pray for the truth to be known and justice to be done.
I would like to know where the ecstasy came from. I know my friend well enough to know he wouldn't have supplied it. His drug of choice is MJ, and he doesn't believe in synthetic chemicals.
Hopefully others like you will read this and get upset enough to also put some mental energy toward the situation. I believe that thoughts have power, and can change outcomes.
This particular is strange to me because I am much more familiar with black and white cases of rape and other forms of sexual abuse.
Reading your response also reminded me of other tricky circumstances. There have been a number of cases where someone with chronic schizophrenia who has a pattern of violence when in acute stages of the illness when off meds, has chosen to go off their meds and then killed someone. They claim insanity for their defense of the murder.
But if the person was medicated and lucid, and chose to not take their meds, knowing full well their patterns of behavior, aren't they consciously deciding that they would rather hurt someone than stay medicated? The resulting insanity is a choice at that point. At least that's my perspective.
In this case, if a person does something like ecstasy, especially on late night date after sharing drinks and fun at a strip club, isn't that kind of like saying they are willing to let go and let anything happen?
I mean, it would be different if he gave it to her without her knowing, wouldn't it? I do think that being drunk and high compromises a person's ability to make sound decisions, but the person made the choice to get to that level of delirium.
"Consistency is not a human trait" - Maude, from Harold and Maude
I don't know how it is in OR or CA, but in the MO, at least in the late 90's, THE LAW DECREES that a woman is not considered to be able to give consent for sex if she is inebriated/high. Even if she does give it, and mean it, LEGALLY, she can't, like, it doesn't count.
The legal system might be looking at it from that perspective.
It's bullshit. I think the law was made (by a man) to protect women, but it's disempowering. And in the case of your friend, it fucks the wrong people over.
"Goodness is the only investment that never fails."
H.D.Thoreau http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/sahara
We shall see how it all plays out. I think laws like this pose a double standard. Why is a man able to consent if he is on drugs or under the influence?
"Consistency is not a human trait" - Maude, from Harold and Maude
Thank you.
That's exactly the problem.
"Goodness is the only investment that never fails."
H.D.Thoreau http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/sahara
You know I could have sworn I commented on this blog.... I pretty much thought I said what every other good idea here said :) The only thing diffrent, unless I missed it, is that in regards...crap a spider hold on...
Ah yes...I think the law is not as biased as it seems. If I remember correctly it depends on who supplied the drugs in regards to the X. That is all I could remember after the spider panic sorry. I must go get a new chair now typing while standin hunched over is not as easy as it sounded.
There are very few human beings who receive the truth, complete and staggering, by instant illumination. Most of them acquire it fragment by fragment, on a small scale, by successive developments, cellularly, like a laborious mosaic.~- Anais Nin
Eww, I hate, hate, HATE spiders!!! I could just die with them around...EW, EW, EW!!!
RESPECT LIFE
http://progressiveu.org/blog/respectlife
"It is poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish."
~Mother Teresa
you do like?
I love spiders. One of the best gifts someone ever gave me was the tarantula in formaldehyde she stole from the science lab.
"Consistency is not a human trait" - Maude, from Harold and Maude
I am not sure we can be buds anymore :)
I have trauma from tarantulas and other spiders... I often feel stupid for flying off the handle at seeing a pin size spider across the room. At least during trying to write the comment it was much closer and much larger, of course it took till this evening to feel comfortable and calm enough to sit at the computer again.
I swear I probably could benefit from some counciling even though I think I am awesome and fine.
:-))
How is your friend doing?
There are very few human beings who receive the truth, complete and staggering, by instant illumination. Most of them acquire it fragment by fragment, on a small scale, by successive developments, cellularly, like a laborious mosaic.~- Anais Nin
I would be so sad to lose you as a bud :cry: I promise not to bring spiders around you, or put them in your bed. Even though I love them I kill ones that i know bite if I see them in my house because I don't love them more than my baby, and she is pretty tasty meat, if I do say so myself.
I had a pet tarantula I found on the road. i kept him in a jar and fed him bugs. he lived forever, and his hair actually turned gray! I thought that was so cool.
Things are looking up for my friend. For one, he is such a genuine person, he is one of those people who can't lie. He was totally honest and forthcoming with the investigation. The girl is not responding to attempts to be interviewed. She didn't show up at court the other day and is not cooperating with the investigation at all.
One of my friend's friends from Portland posted his $250,000 bail today and so for the moment he is out of jail. That is all I know from my sister in law. I guess it's good to be famous, even if it means being a "starving artist."
"Consistency is not a human trait" - Maude, from Harold and Maude
Hmm...not really...I think most baby animals are cute...from a distance, on the other side of glass, or in a picture...but beyond that...not really. : P
EEEEEEW!!! I'm with whispers...I cringe at the idea of a spider...
RESPECT LIFE
http://progressiveu.org/blog/respectlife
"It is poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish."
~Mother Teresa
(it's so much fun to torture friends). I have to tell you about being about 7years old and having a black widow running around on the palm of my hand. I was letting her run around my hand trying to jump off when a teacher found me and told me to let her go. I asked why, and she explained that the spider was poisonous. She told about black widows. I put the spider on a log, and took a twig, and turned it over only to find the red marking my teacher had described as their defining trait.
"Consistency is not a human trait" - Maude, from Harold and Maude
Mmm...you sound like my friends...they LOVE the fact that I don't like animals touching me...
LOL You sound like my mom...she grew up in Louisiana and came across all kinds of stuff...I seriously wonder how she ended up with me. :P
RESPECT LIFE
http://progressiveu.org/blog/respectlife
"It is poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish."
~Mother Teresa
Ah yes I do enjoy being tortured more sooo much... Thank you.
CA does have the black widow. Of course I would never take the time to verify that the thing I was about to spray or mash had a red belly...In my eyes that did not matter. I was like paranoid villagers with pitchfork and flaming sticks chanting 'kill the beast!'
I would give anything to have an occasional Black widow and a million daddy long legs again. Here in NM the have assholes called sun/sand spiders which are more liked deformed aggressive immortal crabs (immortal because after a can of raid it was still turning to fight me… sawaboof knows all about this) and the brown recluse spiders which look like mini tarantulas the size of quarters. Oh we have wild tarantulas too I saw one in a parking lot maybe eight inches in diameter...those things jump and spit. I almost stayed locked up in the house the rest of the day.
There are very few human beings who receive the truth, complete and staggering, by instant illumination. Most of them acquire it fragment by fragment, on a small scale, by successive developments, cellularly, like a laborious mosaic.~- Anais Nin
What about domestic animals?
"Don't blame me. I voted for Kodos."
Homer Simpson
Like house pets? Only one we have is a stupid cat that the kids found in the barn when it was a day old back in August. That one's the worst...it totally has a death wish...vile beast actually went in my room and sat on my bed the other day. That's just SCREAMING "Kill me, please!" I say we put it out of its misery...:P
But I live on a farm, so animals are a way of life...stupid cat, two dogs, 10+ goats, 24 chickens, and we're looking to expand. I did a lot of stuff when I was younger, but now I leave my younger siblings to milk the goats, feed and water the animals, muck the stalls, etc. I take care of inside work and school. :P
RESPECT LIFE
http://progressiveu.org/blog/respectlife
"It is poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish."
~Mother Teresa
which is why I can not jump at you calling the cat "stupid."
Cats are definitely NOT stupid.
Muslim another subset or part of being Black ? I want to go to a home where they don't look at me as I am an alien from outer space, come to destroy their planet.
What I Want...
than many humans I know.
"Consistency is not a human trait" - Maude, from Harold and Maude
I just don't like cats and hence the title stupid...plus, this cat really is stupid :P Finally, it bugs my sister when I call her cat stupid, thus, I call the cat stupid. O:-)
RESPECT LIFE
http://progressiveu.org/blog/respectlife
"It is poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish."
~Mother Teresa
Friend is out of jail, and released of all charges. The girl never showed up at any hearing.
He will be coming home to CA soon, and I am going to give him a big hug and ask for his version of everything.
"Consistency is not a human trait" - Maude, from Harold and Maude
:yay:
I am glad for the good news... Tell him "HI" from all of us...at least me.
There are very few human beings who receive the truth, complete and staggering, by instant illumination. Most of them acquire it fragment by fragment, on a small scale, by successive developments, cellularly, like a laborious mosaic.~- Anais Nin
I'm really glad everything turned out alright for your friend. I guess the girl wasn't as serious about pressing charges as she was when she accused him.
Like what you've read? Well, then here's more:
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/tricia0711
was she woke up in state shock and was scared because she did not remember what happened, and made a quick decision without thinking it through.
i am sorry for her. I can say that now that she did not follow through with attacking my friend for her own indiscretions.
I am sure she is a disturbed person, maybe this event will motivate her to change something.
"Consistency is not a human trait" - Maude, from Harold and Maude