So, today it hit me...people who wait for the one...isn't all that it is all cracked up to be...
I mean if you've found them already, great, but it's a fairy tale ending....that happens for very few..
People make mistakes and must pay for their mistakes...and unfortunately in the past two years, i've managed to push away two guys and my friendship with those two people will never be the same.
It's something i'm continuing to deal with, about why I continued to try to push them away from me, was it a fear of love or was it something more?
Then if so, is it because that I don't love myself and that I'm suffering from depression...?
I've always wondered that if i've constantly battled depression that i always say that i'm an optimist but i don't seem to really act like it anymore..like i'm some sort of zombie and i've lost my way about the person i used to be.
I used to be the person that people always came to for help and now it's sort of the opposite, now I'm always asking someone else for advice and well...it kinda makes me disappointed...
Am i just afraid of loving someone or being loved in returned...
First, I'm making it a real effort this year to really try rediscovering myself this year and figuring out why I feel so emo sometimes and to eliminate those unnecessary worries so I can live my life the way that I always have with faith and hope that tomorrow will bring a better day filled with peace, joy and happiness.
Second, I will self-diagnose the problems and come up with solutions.
Thirdly, I am going to carry out those solutions no matter what and hope for the best.
I think the best thing is to detach myself from my friend who i thought i knew because the past memories have started to take a toll on me but yet it phases him...
I choose to blame girlish emotions...that don't go away as easily as guys because girls can tend to have strong emotional attachments while guys don't worry about it too much.
How do you find yourself?
that you have to do to help yourself, just try and keep on track, and things should fall in place. Hope you get through this and learn things about yourself that you did not know before.
I should do that too, write down what I plan to do for myself, and what I have in my head that I know I want to get done, so the dream and plan becomes a reality.
"A person doesn't die when he should but when he can." - Gabriel Garcia Marquez, One Hundred Years of Solitude Fudge"It's the hard-knock life..."