This is sort of a continuation of epic "Failure"
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It is all of me, my aim and my hope, that wants to do something meaningful in life.
I want to give back, because the world gave me love, of course hate too, but love…it gave me plentiful.
I have been loved. I have been cherished, treasured, missed and remembered.
I know all this.
I want to do something for me so I could sleep peacefully at night and know that I had not let these people down. These people who were with me through the journeys and steps I took, at each point in my life.
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I have a couple of things I want to share with the some people here who have really made everything so much better and they give back to others without asking anything in return. I wish them the best, hope for happyness for you and also hope you win ;)
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First is the reply that I got back from my cousin when I shared with her epic "Failure"
It is a bit Long, you are warned.
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Asma after reading this, I think even lucifer himself would've been moved to tears...your plight was really inevitable...sort of like "certain death in mortal kombat."
Many people have dreams similar to yours, but i know the situation at your home was such, that they would have escaped..they would have found an outlet somehow...yet you were chained with a list of rules, which did more than just hold you back.
Our parents expect us to somehow acclimatize., no matter how stark and bleak the environment becomes at home and they will never realize that they have singlehandedly created this atmosphere...after all, kids are just kids.
I have become so disgusted with the ongoing process of pounding we receive regarding our education.
Not just our education, but the exact results, each single step, and the precise outcome has been planned for us by our folks, as if they were the chosen Gods. If we fall short, which is an understatement in itself, but if we do fall off the wagon and lose our way on the yellow brick road, we are chastized, reproached and literally put to shame for failing so badly, but the most pathetic thing in this whole maze is that our parents will never get it.
Maybe its because their parents never got it and they could not help but adopt the same tactics and methods used in raising them.
After thinking about it, I feel sorry for them..they are helpless, clueless, hopeless, stubborn old folks. A surge of pity comes to heart. They had major fumbles all their lives and would not let anyone comment, critique, or dismantle them..but they feel, as our owners, they can, should, and will let us have it at every turn, whenever possible.
I admire you for your will in sticking to your guns and trying to wake them up..but you have to understand that this will not wake them up...if only, they probably will just snore more loudly now...drowning out our shouts of "enough!"
The thought of defeat on their ends would shatter their pride and ego. It would be a reminder, a reflection, on their parenting. They have lived their lives according to their rules, but would never permit us to have our own list of rules to live by.
Whether they accept it or not, each one of them did it their way..your dad, mom, khala sur, rash mamu, sultan, shaheen, my mom...look at their lives... every decision they made was theirs to make. Rash mamu became a doctor on his terms.
You need to live your life...do what you must to make your life better.
Hopefully, with the help of Allah, you will learn from the mistakes they made and not repeat it as a parent someday.
S and I are struggling each day to consciously not make the same errors our parents made on us. Its hard but we do not want to burden M, E or E, and then watch their backs crack with too much pressure.The fault would ultimately lie in us.
I admire you for your guts to be true when everyone around is waddling in a pool of hypocrisy.
Always remember one thing Asma, something that our parents have forgotten and choose to not acknowledge, although they preach religion regularly; there is a greater, higher force working up there.
No matter what feat we take on in life, unless we remember Him and His power to help us thru anything, we will keep losing our way..and ultimately it is up to HIM alone to decide whether we can be successful at something or not..if we aren't, there is good in it also. our parents see it as a failure, but it may be a blessing in disguise. Maybe Allah will utilize you as His tool to knock sense into our parents, slowly but surely.
"For I have sworn thee fair, and thought thee bright, who art as black as hell, as dark as night.--"
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The other thing is these three words that my cousin (another one) told me to live by:
Hardworking, patience, consistency
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a bare canvas with distorted images and colors, piled one on top of another
but this is not only me, it's you too.
Truly.
"A person doesn't die when he should but when he can." - Gabriel Garcia Marquez, One Hundred Years of Solitude Fudge"It's the hard-knock life..."
I hope your cousin writes frequently. She said everything I have felt but never been able to put into such perfect words.
i was reminded of a thought I had before. Thinking about families like yours and those of your generation who must reconcile the undeniable reality of living in a modern Western democracy along with your rich, deep and rigid history reminded of another veil that was lifted once before.
I was talking with one of the INS guards about the illegal immigrants that were in our detention camps. I said we should make efforts to put civic centers and education centers in Mexico where they could come and apply for immigration legally. That way they would come here with some understanding of our culture, and the skills they would need to be successful, thus contributing more to our society.
He said something about the ones that come here and get deported back, and how they are the ones bringing education to the third world. That really sat in my brain for a few minutes. I thought about the African slaves and the black culture in America today. It is so rich. They have brought an element of reality to the West that wouldn't have been here otherwise. They have made the cause of AIDS, healthcare and poverty for Africa known to the West. They have raised awareness across the globe about realities that would have remained insignificant if it weren't for slavery. Obama would have never run for president, let alone be elected.
For the Jews the Holocaust did much to make the world wake up to a new sense of "shared responsibility".
i am wondering if it isn't the job of people like you to facilitate the next phase of human relations. If people like you take advantage of the opportunities that exist here, they can take what they learn here back to their home, whether or not they choose to do it physically or not.
In the article "the Politics of Rage" by Fareed Zakaria we discussed, he said something that really clarified things for me.
He said that most of the Muslims in the middle east were poor, rural people who were Muslims by a distant connection to Islamic history. He said that these poor, uneducated people who are just trying to survive are not able to oppose terrorists or tyrant leaders. He said that because of their fear induced by threats of terror, they are incapable of stopping it. This is the phenomenon that allows such a small radical group dominate the politics in the middle east.
I would like to hear your thoughts about that, but what I gathered from all of this is that the more Muslims who receive education of any kind, preferably Western, the greater chance the next generation has of seeing peace manifest in their lifetime.
"Consistency is not a human trait" - Maude, from Harold and Maude
She is now 30, with two kids and really very happy but she is planning on doing more as soon as her four year old starts school regularly.
To tell you her life stroy in few sentences....
She married whom her parents wanted her to marry, they asked her choice but she felt burdened and said yes. It did not work out, ended in divorce.
She was remarried about 8 years ago and now she is quite happy with her kids and husband, living in sunshine :)
May Allah bless her, she has been through it all so she knows. Her life was quite upside down too but she got through it.
The muslim thing, lets save that...I have to get thoughts together on it :P
"A person doesn't die when he should but when he can." - Gabriel Garcia Marquez, One Hundred Years of Solitude Fudge"It's the hard-knock life..."
and I do.
But more than that, these relations become more pronounced because most of them live in close proximity and then the effect of their words is magnified because of the physical closeness, but slowly everyone is spreading from the home base in philly, PA, to other city, states.
"A person doesn't die when he should but when he can." - Gabriel Garcia Marquez, One Hundred Years of Solitude Fudge"It's the hard-knock life..."