This is my epic "Failure"

you are not the only one with this story. I have many of these stories of "failure" in my life. They nag at me most of the time, but sometimes cause me intense anxiety.

There isn't much I can say that would make you "feel" better. All I can say is that you do have what it takes to make your life whatever you want it to be about.

Penn isn't the end all, be all producer of perfect humans. You can find places where you feel safe to thrive and grow.

I have read enough to know that you are very intelligent. Being intelligent is not enough. Not for you, anyway.

Pardon my intrusive assessment, and feel free to disregard it or disagree. You wouldn't be the first irritated by my presumptive nature. I am taking a chance that you just might need to hear this.

When a person is in the right place, they are happy. I am not saying that everyone gets to be happy, or deserves to be happy. I am saying that happiness comes from having all of your needs met and feeling important to the outside world. You did not find that at Penn.

Frustration, isolation, disgust, fear, anxiety, all have their place in life. They serve to communicate to your brain that your soul is not happy. They are the forces that either drive people to madness, bitterness, or to dare to reach for happiness.

I get the feeling that your family, as much as you love them, are the source of your dissatisfaction. i can tell that you want to make them happy and proud, and that you don't want to distress them by doing something extreme.

I also get the feeling that most of your actions have been in effort to please them without regard to your own wellbeing, hopes and dreams.

I am not suggesting that you turn your back on your family or do anything to distress them. I am suggesting that if you take actions that serve you, while you might cause much ado and distress in the beginning, eventually your family will learn to adapt. You will be happy, and they will see that, as long as they really do love you.

Families that cannot deal with their offspring following their dreams are deluded and don't deserve loyalty, especially not at the expense of their children.

The best you can do is to follow your heart and love your family at the same time. Smile and hug them when they express concern. If they lash out, giggle inside, and just say, "I know you are mad at me right now, but this is something I need to do. If I make a mistake, I will learn. i will always love you, though, and I hope you will always love me."

By letting their negativity dictate your decisions, moods and self-image, you are not allowing yourself to be who you were created to be.

Much love.

"Consistency is not a human trait" - Maude, from Harold and Maude

I don't think anyone can be considered a failure unless, at the end of their life, they have accomplished nothing, or close to nothing, that they wanted to.

"Don't blame me. I voted for Kodos."
Homer Simpson

Failure is a very American thing. We are good at it and our ability to deal with it is part of our national legend. Our ability to deal with failure is a very large part of the reason for our success. People who are overly afraid of failure refuse to take risks and without risk there is little reward. We even have a very large part of our legal system dedicated to helping people who have failed get back on their feet.

Thomas Edison failed in hundreds of experiments to develop the lightbulb. He finally succeeded. P.T. Barnum, Mark Twain, Walt Disney, Ulysses S. Grant, Dorothy Hamill, Larry King, Burt Reynolds, Donald Trump and many, many other famous people were all at one point bankrupt. Rush Limbaugh was fired from numerous broadcasting jobs before he hit it big. The list fo failure to success stories goes on an on.

Here you won't be judged on the fact that you failed or even if you fail repeatedly but on how you deal with the failure. The approved response to failure is to try, try, and try again. The unapproved response is to allow failure to define you.

So pick yourself up out of the dirt, dust yourself off, shake a defiant fist at the world and have another go at it. Take care!

From all of your blogs , I do not see a failure, but a success.

do not trouble yourself with guilt and shame. these are worthless feelings that do not help you. Guilt and shame only permits you to dwell on the past.

most great leaders are trail blazers and diverge from the normal path frequently. they are great because they were brave enough to make a switch, a change. they were great because they made more mistakes than most and changed (learned) from it.

wear your failures with humor.