Once upon a time I believed it was necessary to have friendships and long lasting relationships in order to survive in this world, and to an extent it is true i.e. children need people in their young lives in order to learn basic survival skills, like how to protect yourself and what to eat or not to eat. Children need example from other people in order to survive.However, as time continues the child learns and grows into something that no longer physically needs human contact and human example.
I am slowly learning eventual detachment from others is inevitable. This to me is maturity. Maturity is the realization that you do not need others in your life to survive from the physical to the emotional aspects. Maturity means an infinite continuum, which we all walk on, of deeper and deeper isolation combined with personal satisfaction. The further you go (which you truly do not know if you are going further or not because it is infinite) the more self aware and self absorbed you become.
This year alone I have erased my entire mobile contacts at least ten times. I have built up relationships and with a push of an electronic button the physical evidence of the relationship’s history is gone. I have notice the more I cut off the people the easier it gets to cut off other people ,and the easier it gets for me to treat people like fleshy objects with tiny hearts contained within my cell phone’s flat button.
One press and the delete mechanism will send an electrical signal that whimsically erases their name and number. It accelerates my pulsating veins and warms my chest. The warmth quickly cools over and then it is over. It’s a digital death, a homicide committed by my thumb.
This used to hurt me, but now I take pleasure in committing my mass mobile murders. It is another challenge, a test, and another life lesson. The more isolated I become the more free and satisfied I become. I never considered myself as a hermit or loner, but as a person who lived for others. I have always been slightly shy, but always had a substantial number of friends and contacts. I even ran for student governemt and class secretary and won both times, but this new way of life without beings pushing into my ego and conscience is alleviating. I am beginning to live with and for myself. And surprisingly it is not with or for others. Who knew that isolation could mean personal freedom?
I want that...I aim for that...but all in good time for me, or so I think
"A person doesn't die when he should but when he can."
- Gabriel Garcia Marquez, One Hundred Years of Solitude
"close your eyes, clear your heart..." A Muslim Girl's Plight<
reaching this point has truly been a process for me.
i am glad you recognized that this type of understanding and feeling doesn't come easy. it is a long, painful process.
but it is worth it. and hopefully i will keep growing from it.
Why do you want to be a loner?
RESPECT LIFE
http://progressiveu.org/blog/respectlife
"It is poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish."
~Mother Teresa
Most loners have more fun, they have reached a stage in life in which they have come too stand with one leg outside the clinging herd.
They have learned to love themselves regardless of what others might think of them.
It’s a form of personal freedom which is payless and very enriching.
They enjoy more love to come their way because they are already that what another lacks and seeks for.
Loners receive calls from nameless numbers, lol.
To be a loner is more a realization rather than a choice, it’s a personal awareness which actually points out an expression of inner wisdom displayed within one’s own true self!
After that level one comes close to the realm of consciousness awareness, this kicks in when the other leg gets to be lifted out of the herd.
To be a loner, is to have reached an understanding other than the one you have been told to follow (blindly) from everything outside your own personal spectrum.
http://www.wowzone.com/monkey.htm
Well, you can not care what others think of you without being a loner. That shows that you have self-confidence and a good foundation (both excellent traits). But if all a loner is is having self-confidence, then I must say that I disagree with that definition. I have a lot of self-confidence, but I love being around people and getting others' inputs in different things.
RESPECT LIFE
http://progressiveu.org/blog/respectlife
"It is poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish."
~Mother Teresa
being a loner is not about self -confidence . but an understanding that you don't need to be around others and you can enjoy it.
a loner is not about being self confident but self sufficient. emotionally and phyiscally
That I can understand.
But just because you CAN be self sufficient, does that mean you should be?
(BTW, I'm not knockin' you or anything...I'm a really social person, so I'm just curious ; ))
RESPECT LIFE
http://progressiveu.org/blog/respectlife
"It is poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish."
~Mother Teresa
what is wrong in being self-sufficient?
Nothing...but what is the purpose of insulating yourself from friends and whatnot?
RESPECT LIFE
http://progressiveu.org/blog/respectlife
"It is poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish."
~Mother Teresa
It is not like i choose to do this on purpose.
But you said you delete numbers and stuff...
And like I said, I'm not knockin' you...I'm just trying to understand, because I can't really relate...even after all I've been through with friends this year, I still want to be friends and hang out with people.
RESPECT LIFE
http://progressiveu.org/blog/respectlife
"It is poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish."
~Mother Teresa
There is nothing wrong with mingling and relating to other people, its actually great and a joyful experience to experience.
To delete numbers is more a question of understanding that personal value you represent to no one else but yourself.
Meaning one can go through life without that pushing and needles FEEL to be loved, liked, remembered, acknowledged, accepted, wanted and desired from the outside.
So, therefore, we all have some numbers in our cell phone we could easily erase since they represent no value whatsoever which could be of any importance, unless you are lying to yourself, lol. In that case one is lingering inside a self created illusion which reflects and feeds to your mind the following words:
Everyone loves me!
We are all unique in our own way, some people kick the neighbor’s cat or dog, while others pet and feed their neighbor’s dog or cat!
Who is the better neighbor is of no importance once you realize we feel ourselves of what we love in another, we love to hang around individuals who reflect our own personal mind state.
It’s because of the energy it evokes within our heart when we come to mutual understanding of whatever in between our mingling.
Most people around are in living in a mind state of continuous demand in order to please their heart. There are many reasons for this to occur, but its mainly insecurity and a fear of losing which is responsible for this mind state.
People fear deception, while they should cherish it deeply, because it defines exactly what is needed to personally grow out of that pattern of need and demand like a love addict without a fix.
People pull one another down because they abuse of one another’s energy, so to keep a long comment short, lol, to provide for those who reflect and affect your heart in a genuine way is to realize no other “number” should remain of importance.
Again, life is all about suffering, a helpless game of give and take for many!
The real joy is to be found in accepting deception, sometimes we lose, sometimes we gain, we are all but numbers in a big jar waiting and expecting to be picked, loved and admired for all the various reasons we make up for ourselves.
To pop this illusion balloon upon a personal level is like stepping out of that jar while pick and make up your own choice of numbers to play with.
To realize while stepping out of that first jar, you immediately find yourself in another bigger one containing both, brings you a bigger picture of the beauty which surrounds us, regardless of what hurtful is displayed in the jar you might just have stepped out!
This is becoming a jar story, lol.
Imagine yourself to be a fish inside a glass jar submerged in a massif and beautiful blue ocean, you can see it all moving and living around your jar, (I tell you) since there is no cover to keep your jar closed, what keeps you from swimming out of it and to wonder around by becoming the experience itself?
What this ocean is trying to make you realize or represent!
I only exist for you, Your own self!
Please take time to pounder the jar story, self-realization is always a very uplifting experience to go through.
One can say I got carried away, lol,
I hope it will make some sense to have made a long comment like this, if not now, it might always manifest sometime later.
http://www.wowzone.com/monkey.htm
If a neighbor kicked my dog or cat, I'd cause some serious trouble to them. And that's certainly enough to make them a bad neighbor.
Like what you've read? Well, then here's more:
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/tricia0711
what is wrong in being self-sufficient?
But I just wanted to discuss something with you, and that is...
The conclusion and understanding that we have reached took us a while..well it did for me, and the road that I HAD to take to get here was a very rough one...
I am just not sure that one can understand it unless they have lived their own life and tried things their own way and then come to a conclusion
"A person doesn't die when he should but when he can."
- Gabriel Garcia Marquez, One Hundred Years of Solitude
"close your eyes, clear your heart..." A Muslim Girl's Plight
True
wombels puts it almost perfectly.
it is a realization.
not a choice
I thought growing up and maturing was no longer being alone but i guess that has something to do with the way we are raised and what we are raised with.
This weekend I looked forward to being away from home and being alone in peace again... but right now I just want to go home curl up withmy shorties and hug them
Love is like a box of chocolates; if you chose wisely you won’t be disappointed and have to spit it out. ~T
Wow, and to think for all of these years I always assumed that being a loner was more about whether or not a person was extroverted or introverted. I never realized that it was simply about self realization. I now see that me, being a social creature by nature am simply not yet at the same stage as my much more introverted wife.
I like people. I enjoy company. That has nothing to do with being able to be self sufficient or not. It is simply my personality. I am extremely introspective and am well aware of my strengths as well as my (much more numerous) defficiences. I know clearly who i am and continue to grow in every way I can.
Not to say that it is wrong to be a loner. Absolutely not. Some people enjoy issolating themselves. They find the pressures and noise from crowds to be almost suffocating.
Whether you choose to be a people person or a loner (which I believe is less a choice and more just part of who you are) does not in any way dictate a level or growth or maturity. Your actions and choices within those circles dictate that.
We all have our own pathways to understanding and growth.
for you to say that deciding between a loner or a people person is not about maturity or growth confuses me.yet you say that a people person or a loner is part of who you are.
well, growth and maturity is about discovering who you are and better yet what loners are and people persons are.
If you claim that who you are is your personality( which in latin means mask) then it limits you own being.
i also enjoy big crowds and the noises.
so here is are some questions what makes you you?. your environment, experiences, or intrinsic values, features, or personality?
What is maturity?
i certainly didn't get this conclusion becuase i don't like being around crowds, but through experience after experience of people leaving my life and me leaving theirs.
Your second paragraph completely confused me. I know that there is a question there, I just don't get it.
No, who you are is not your personality, however, I believe that we as people are born with certain traits and characteristics that are not easily changed or adjusted. People who are true introverts will never be comfortable in front of crowds. That is not to say that they can not adapt and overcome, but they will tend to naturally gravitate back to the place where they are more comfortable. In no way does this idea limit your growth. By understanding who you are by nature, you allow yourself to see your strengths and build upon them while at the same time identifying your weaknesses and limiting the effect on you.
We have this belief in our society that if people work hard enough that they can be anything or change who they are. This is a fallacy. I see no evidence that you can change who you are. Someone who has an IQ of 70 will never be an astrophysicist. I will never be organized. I know this. It is a weakness. Maturity is the ability to recognize these weaknesses and strengths and capitalize on them.
I am 50% Nature/Nurture. Nature sets your comfort zone, nurture teaches you adaptivity.
There is a distinct difference between a loner and an introvert.
but by changing yourself you discover who you really are.
i think we are on the same level here.
Well, it’s not ALL that simple to begin with, lol.
Look at it as a personal inner growth which allows one to accept things and events the way they are while feeling perfectly fine with it.
Consider it a face in life were one has tackled its own ego to a certain degree.
It’s the ego of most individuals which controls their mind state, because the ego predicts them how to behave or respond upon whatever circumstances they encounter.
To throw a strawberry pie on someone face is the best way to trigger an ego driven response, lol!
Self-realization in this specific case, creates a more balanced attitude towards all which is coming our way, even strawberry pies!
Self-realization shifts one into a more balanced mind state, an interesting aspect which comes along with this is to notice, see, feel and recognize those around who are not.
Another example is someone breaking up with his/her partner.
They (the breakers) personally expect someone to respond in sadness, chock, trauma, hysteria or whatever way when they announce it over!
When someone is not responding according to the wishes of the breakers ego, this one will become like deeply confused, lol.
Some will not be able to deal with this confusion, because their ego carries expectations and rather see hurt appear instead.
This is why it’s important not to cling to a past when going through life, people need to learn to GET OVER IT and deal with events upon a personal level.
This alone will make them to overcome fear of rejection, while always enjoy love in genuine abundance.
This is the energy, one which you cannot buy, chose or evoke without tackling your own I want, I need, I desire, I whatever driven EGO which constantly pushes you out of balance until you are so tired only to believe your life is already over!
I’m so hurt, no one loves ME me me, lol
Well, the good news, its only over when you realize and come to an understanding you were pulled upon an ego trip of your own making!
So, it’s not ALL that simple to begin with, lol.
Its going smooth in here, I love this blog!
http://www.wowzone.com/monkey.htm
One of my favorite quotes is from the scientist Blaise Pascal, who said something along the lines of "man's greatest problem is that he is incapable of sitting in a room by himself." What he meant is that we humans never take the time to just slow down and just take a look at ourselves, talk to ourselves in a sense. We're always rushing, rushing, rushing, and worrying about how other people perceive us. People are so phony and dependent and they'll never know it just because they're either incapable or afraid to face the reflection in the mirror alone. They don’t talk to themselves because they’re afraid of what the responses might be- if there even is one.
And yea I hate technology, though that wasn't really the point of your blog. I hate having a cell phone. People expect me to be "available" 24/7 for them. Screw that. I'll do what I want, thank you. It's becoming increasing harder to just live privately thanks to new technologies, like Facebook, for example. Oh modernity, how I hate you...
We need people, I think, and I think you agree judging from the introduction to your blog. And I think we need to live selflessly. But we don’t need to constantly socialize or be in contact with each other. We may need other people, but we need our lonely selves just as much.
So I log onto Progressive after a long "rest" period.....
And I see your blog title and I was like this could be good. So i started reading and was like "ugh" but what I realized at the end is I did everything you did and it does feel good. In high school I ran constantly for offices in student government and won but the drama people bring into life isn't worth it.I truly believe the younger generations including my on are very needy... we have hard shells on the outside but crave someone to love us. Many portray this "hard", "stick and stones can't break my bones" attitude but in fact we are in tears the moment someone ask a few questions about ourselves. I had to let you know this blog is great. I look forward to reading more from you. :)
One must learn to live within one's own skin to reach enlightenment. Swimming with the "school" makes one easy prey for the real predators of this world.Delight in your differences & realize the joy is not always in reaching your destination but what you see & learn while making the trip. Appreciate others for their differences instead of being comfortable in their sameness & the smugness of believing they have your same values & beliefs. Always realize that like religion,those who maintain they are absolutely certain they are correct are only kidding themselves as logic dictates they cannot ALL be correct but they can ALL be wrong..........peace to all here.
Actually, when prey comes after herds, they go for the animals at the back of the herd, as they are the slowest, weakest, and possibly injured. So unless you are at the head of the pack, in the middle is the safest place to be.
I'm mostly kidding here, but I thought I'd add some humor.
Like what you've read? Well, then here's more:
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/tricia0711
I haven't read all of these comments, so forgive me if I repeat something that someone has already said.
First, to what extent are you "isolated"? If deleting your phone contacts is your extent of isolationism, then you have not gone very far. You are, praisably, ridding yourself of technology that materializes relationships. We have become a society based on convenience, and the internet and phone have sped this process. While doing so, it has boiled away meaning of the personal relationship.
Personal relationships are necessary for life. Isolationism, to me, is a state without any personal relationships. Life without technology is simply life how it was 80 or so years ago, which was not isolated.
It's really sad that we consider "isolationsim" life without these technologies. And I myself am guilty of this. Sadly, I feel estranged from society without my computer or phone. But this is how life should be. We have these things, which make life convenient, but take away all meaning to life and to relationships.
So my question to you is, what is your extent of isolationism?
the extent means never talking, hanging, out or seeing them ever again.
I am one of those people who gets too reliant on people. Maybe for me this what would help me detach myself...cause i tend to get overly attached to people, knowing that they'll leave soon...so i cling. I should stop...but at the same time I don't think I could pull off that the kind of isolation you speak of. I think if i could create a happy medium for myself then I will be good. hehe
interesting blog; like the points you make, between child and maturing into someone who doesn't have to rely on others.
I like being alone a lot myself, but I don't think one can ever be alone all the time. I think everybody(to some extent) needs somebody to talk to and spend time with.I think the fact that you don't mind being alone with yourself is not an indication of how much self confidence you have though. Many people stay by them selves as "loners" for just the opposite reason. However, to be able to stand being alone a lot means that you won't be lonely if you never get married. Personally, I don't need a lot of friends, a lot of friends isn't always good, but I do need a few to be with once in awhile.
I agree. While it is good to have friends and other people you can turn to, I think everyone needs to be able to spend time by themselves. Much as I like spending time with my friends, sometimes I'd rather be on my own and do my own thing. That doesn't make a person a loner.
Like what you've read? Well, then here's more:
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/tricia0711
I hope to one day be like you. I find that I allow people to control my life, and I allow their input to sway my decisions. I hope that one day I can too commit mobile homicide.
This strikes me as an unhealthy way to live. To me, the best way to live would to be to strike a balance between the extrovert and the introvert. I have friends, but I can quite happily go weeks at a time without talking to them or communicating in any way. There's no dependency, but there's also no deprivation. To never talk to friends again... that sounds selfish and destructive to me. Have you considered the damage that your "digital murder" causes to people? You strike me as someone who has a complete lack of empathy.
Have you ever read Ayn Rand? Her theology is a lot like this, particularly The Fountainhead. It's long and takes commitment to get through, but you learn a lot.
Living for yourself is living. The only time we need to let anybody in is if we fall in love. friends are overrated. Usually its only when were surrounded by people we feel the most alone! And the opposite of that is when we find someone we do have something in common with, but then its so boring its like talking to a mirror.