There's something I've really been struggling with lately...I've started many blog posts on it, actually, but never seem to phrase it the way I want to...here goes attempt # whatever...
I, generally, am a trusting person. I can't lie to save my life (so I really hope I don't ever have to...I start trembling and getting all red, and I can't even look at a person if I think they think I'm lying, even if I'm not)...so I used to trust that people wouldn't lie to me. Naturally, that's not to say that I was totally naive...but I mean more along the lines of things going on in their lives, the way they feel about things, etc.
Well, over the past year, someone I really trusted betrayed my trust in a big way. Ever since then, I've had a really difficult time trusting people. If someone says they're sick, I basically have to see them before I believe them. If someone says they're feeling a certain way, I have these nagging doubts. If someone tells me they're my friend or that I'm awesome or something along those lines, I can't bring myself to believe them.
As a trusting and optimistic person (I'm so optimistic, it's not even funny...and most of the time, it's just annoying), these doubts have been extremely difficult to handle.
I've tried really hard to just let it all go. I don't want to be so angry and begrudging to my friend and I'm tired of the way I feel. Mixed in with everything else going on in my life, I've been feeling depressed and it's just been a huge struggle. I was talking to another friend about it the other day, and she said, "Sara, you just need to let it go." If only it were that simple.
I don't know how to let it go and let this chapter of my life close. I think that the more I get to know other people and develop friendships, the more it's helped. Also, I leave for college in 8 months, and hopefully, I'll be able to look back on this as an intangible memory. However, in the meantime, I'm struggling to deal with it.
Moral of the story? Watch who you trust and don't be such a baby about it when they let you down.
Many people think that you only grieve when you lose somebody close to you by death. This is not true if you lose a friend by something as traumatic as broken trust...the healing process is the same and can take a while. It is good to talk about it and understand it. Have you asked why this person did whatever he/she did? or Do you know and or understand the motivation behind it?
Ultimately, all people are diffrent and I am sure you know you can not rightfully judge one person on the basis of another persons actions. At least you recognize when you are doing this and trying to seperate this from that.
I wish you the best Sara!
Love is like a box of chocolates; if you chose wisely you won’t be disappointed and have to spit it out. ~T
Very, very true. Yes, I think I understand the motives behind it...that just makes it hurt more, though...
Very true...I do recognize this and I'm trying to work on it...I try to ignore the doubts, but they still bug me because they're there.
Thanks, so much!!!
RESPECT LIFE
http://progressiveu.org/blog/respectlife
"It is poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish."
~Mother Teresa